Alexandersmap

    Month: November 2019

    • Taking Flight… Again

      Yesterday I had the pleasure of sitting in the back seat of a Cessna as my father flew again. Getting back in the left seat of a plane was a bucket list item for our favorite Navy pilot. For me it was a chance to see him in action flying and see the world from a different perspective.

      Commercial flying offers stunning views from a 12″ oval window. I’ve sat in awe at views from 30,000 feet over New Brunswick and the landing over Boston Harbor at Logan Airport. I always try for a window seat on a red eye just so I can catch the sunrise. Flying in a Cessna is different. First, you feel much more connected to the mechanics of flying, even in the back seat. Everything is right there in front of you with instruments, controls and communication with the towers all part of your experience. And that experience! The views are close to 360 degrees, you’re flying over terrain you’ve known from the ground up, seeing it literally from a bird’s eye view at 2000-3500 feet max, and going a lot slower so can savor the view more.

      We flew out of Lawrence Airport, followed the Merrimack River to the sea, turned northward following the beaches up to Portsmouth and then circled in for a touch and go at Pease International Airport before heading back to Lawrence, with a quick circle around the neighborhood in New Hampshire. Clear skies with some wind gusts making it interesting at lower altitudes. Listening to impressive banter between a flight instructor and a Navy pilot all the while. I kept my own chatter to a minimum; I was along for the ride, it was his experience… one I was happy to share.

      This wasn’t my first flight in a Cessna. I’d flown a similar route with the father of a girlfriend in college once. He did all the work, while I sat in the right seat and my girlfriend sat in the back. I’d told myself I’d like to get my pilots license then, and here we are years later with the goal shelved. Money and time and other priorities killed that goal. We can’t do everything, can we? Perhaps not. Watching the Navy fly again reminded me that even the professionals get busy with other things. There’s a shortage of pilots it seems, and work for those who wish to pursue it. I don’t believe I’ll pursue it myself, but the hourly fees to fly with a pro aren’t outrageous. Why wait when the opportunity is so readily available? That’s what brought us here, and the day was a highlight reel of memories and a reminder to not put things off. For me it was a nice change of perspective, and I think my smile was as big as the pilot’s.

      Merrimack River in Haverhill at Groveland Bridge
      Salisbury Beach, surf’s up
      Isle of Shoals
      New Hampshire coast, looking north to Maine
      Pierce Point, Portsmouth Country Club
      Merrimack River

    • Merge Left

      Accelerating to the end of the year, and the stack of books to read has grown even before I finish other books in the stack.  And so it goes.  There’s a lot to be said for focus, and reading one book to the end before beginning another.  It’s like being on the highway alone, zipping along with nothing to distract you until you reach your destination.  Lovely.  And some books do that for me – I’m so captured by them that I drop everything else to devour it to the last page, getting there and wishing the journey had been a bit longer.  But other books, even compelling reads, take a different path.  My current stack of books is like rush hour traffic on that highway, moving a bit more slowly and with a lot of company.  Worse, there’s a merge coming up as a lane is dropped.  Such is the reality of reading during the holidays.  So much to do, and you want to finish reading these books too?  Ha!

      This isn’t an endorsement of multi-tasking.  In fact, I love nothing more than being completely focused on a given task at hand, whether that’s reading, writing, a project for work or anything really.  The trouble starts when you say yes to too many things at once. With reading, sometimes a book reaches a challenging place in the plot or tackles subject matter you’d rather not read about at that moment.  You glance at a book you’ve been putting off, flip to the place marker and resume reading something else.  Or you just received that book you ordered that you’ve been excited about and crack it open to read the introduction…  and now you’ve got another car on the highway.  Active participation in the Great Conversation makes us all better people, but if too many people are talking at once what can you really listen to?

      I did a survey of the stack today, and I’m within sniffing distance of finishing five books. I silently promised myself that I’d finish two of them this weekend, and all of them this year.  That stack of books waiting to merge onto the highway?  They’ll have to wait their turn.  Indulge in new fiction?  Not until I get through this non-fiction that’s been lumbering along for a couple of months.  It’s all just habits and routine and prioritization.  Chip away at this for a bit, switch to that when you need to, but keep moving forward.  The rules of the road prevent chaos; a bit of discipline goes a long way.

      It’s not just adding books of course, but all the other things we pile on.  Writing, exercise, work, gardening, sports, family and travel all act as lane closures on the reading highway.  So be it: Life is more than reading the work of others.  Sure, the highway might be a little slower, but we should still get there.

    • Thanksgiving

      Beyond the massive caloric intake that this day represents in America, Thanksgiving is traditionally a day for gratitude – to be thankful for what we have. And we have a lot, beginning with being alive. So BE alive and make the most of the day at hand, no matter where you live. Move a bit today to earn those calories. Help a few others not as fortunate as you while you do that living. Be bold, but humble. We’re all in this together.

      Happy Thanksgiving from New Hampshire.

    • Merely Tenacity

      This morning I’m a bit foggy.  Up early and moving, but not clear on what I wanted to write about.  So I picked up pieces of my past, shook off the dust and mined for gold.  To be more specific, I collect quotes that stir me at the time, write down random thoughts that pull it together.  What I see immediately when I look back is that I haven’t changed much, I just press on trying to climb the mountain.  Some years are better than others, but in general I’ve climbed higher than I’ve fallen.  So with that in mind, here are six quotes plucked from the collection that pushed and prodded me along the way.  A good reminder to keep moving, for there’s so much still to do.

      “The most difficult thing is the decision, to act, the rest is merely tenacity.” – Amelia Earhart

      “There is no passion to be found in playing small – in settling for a life that is less than the one that you are capable of living.” – Nelson Mandela

      “The best way out is through.” – Robert Frost

      “Knowing is not enough; we must apply.  Willing is not enough; we must do.” – Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

      “You will never change your life until you change something you do daily.” – John Maxwell

      “Talent is cheaper than table salt.  What separates the talented individual from the successful one is a lot of hard work.” – Stephen King

      I have Mandela and Earhart whispering in my ear, conspiring to get me back on track.  Such is the power of words lumped together in just the right way.  No, not really; It’s the stories of the lives behind the words that remind you of what’s possible… if you’ll only listen and act.

    • Too Much Vienna, Not Enough Do

      “Where’s the fire, what’s the hurry about?
      You better cool it off before you burn it out
      You got so much to do and only
      So many hours in a day 
      But you know that when the truth is told
      That you can get what you want or you get old
      You’re gonna kick off before you even
      Get halfway through
      When will you realize, Vienna waits for you” – Billy Joel, Vienna

      I figured this one out some time ago, but lately I feel the pendulum swung a bit too far to Vienna, a little too far away from the do.  Vacation and holidays will do that to you.  So with a month left in 2019, it’s time to revisit the habits I’ve set for myself, revise and replace a few where needed.  Writing is consistent, exercise is not.  Too bad, I had a great run with burpees and rowing, but one injury blew up the streak, and before you know it a month went by.  But there’s plenty of time to reset, with exercise that doesn’t injure me this time.

      The system?  Make a list, prioritize, schedule, measure results, review and course correct.  Nothing mysterious in any of that, I’ve just gotten lazy about using the Bullet Journal this fall, which has a trickle down effect as I stop structuring my day and wing it, and things slip through the cracks.  Too much Vienna, not enough do.  Great time to course correct.  Set the alarm early, work out and tackle the list.  It’s grown too long lately.  So Vienna… will have to wait.

    • Five Favorite “Break-Up” Songs

      Thankfully, I’m in a stable, happy relationship and have been for almost 25 years, but I still enjoy a great breakup song now and then.  So with that in mind, here are five that have resonated for me over the years.  There are so many break-up songs of course, because we all go through it eventually, but since I’m limiting myself to five, I’m omitting some classics….  but so be it.  These five have meant something to me along the way.  And the lyrics still grab me by the throat now and then.  Enjoy – or if you prefer, cry in your beer, and remember that this too shall pass!

      Black, by Pearl Jam

      This one got me at the right time and has never let go.  This live version from MTV Unplugged remains – in my opinion – the greatest version of the song ever sung.  My gosh they were young then, and so was I…

      “I know someday you’ll have a beautiful life
      I know you’ll be a star in somebody else’s sky, but why
      Why, why can’t it be, oh can’t it be mine?”

      All I Want, Toad the Wet Sprocket

      This song was big at a time when these lyrics meant something to me.  The air spoke, and I was the better for it.

      “And it won’t matter now
      Whatever happens will be
      Though the air speaks of all we’ll never be
      It won’t trouble me”

      If You Could Read My Mind, Gordon Lightfoot

      Gordon’s best song, which is saying something.  This one is tragic relationship magic.

      “And if you read between the lines
      You’ll know that I’m just tryin’ to understand
      The feelings that you lack
      I never thought I could feel this way
      And I’ve got to say that I just don’t get it
      I don’t know where we went wrong
      But the feeling’s gone and I just can’t get it back”

      Rolling in the Deep, Adele

      Classic sound, great lyrics.  I love the attitude in this song; yeah you screwed up, and it’s gonna hurt you a lot more than it hurt me.

      “The scars of your love remind me of us
      They keep me thinkin’ that we almost had it all
      The scars of your love, they leave me breathless
      I can’t help feeling
      We could have had it all”

      I Will Survive, Gloria Gaynor (Cake has an incredible version of this song too)

      Two versions of this song, and I love them both.  If Gaynor’s version is an anthem for women screwed over by men the world over, the Cake version turns the tables, and offers the jilted men of the world an anthem of their own.  We’ve all been on both sides of this coin, haven’t we?  This song, like Rolling in the Deep, is saying you may have punched me in the gut, but screw you I’m moving on.

      “Go on now, go, walk out the door
      Just turn around now, ’cause you’re not welcome anymore
      Weren’t you the one who tried to break me with goodbye?
      Did you think I’d crumble? Did you think I’d lay down and die?”

       

    • The Great Repertoire

      I’ve reached a point in my life where I don’t depend on the people in my life for happiness, I’m quite happy whether I’m with my family, spouse, best friend or favorite pet or alone.  Don’t misunderstand:  All of the dancers on the floor with me certainly enhance my life and my happiness in profound ways.  But if experience and a whole lot of business traveling alone has taught me anything, it’s that I don’t require others to be happy.  Does that diminish the value of the people in my life? On the contrary, I believe it highlights that they’re in my life for all the right reasons.  So in reading this magnificent book Awareness, I was jolted by the following:

      “What I really enjoy is not you; it’s something that’s greater than both you and me. It is something that I discovered, a kind of symphony, a kind of orchestra that plays one melody in your presence, but when you depart, the orchestra doesn’t stop. When I meet someone else, it plays another melody, which is also very delightful. And when I’m alone, it continues to play. There’s a great repertoire and it never ceases to play.” – Anthony De Mello, Awareness

      I downloaded the Kindle version of this book after hearing it referenced by both Tim Ferriss and Ryan Holiday in a podcast interview and in a book, respectively.  I read a lot, and have a lot of books to get through sitting in limbo, but sometimes the neon sign points to one you should read first, and this was it.  De Mello passed away in 1987, and this book was published posthumously in 1990, building a passionate following ever since.  I’m taking my time reading it, not because it’s tough to read, but because there’s a lot to chew on.  It’s a lovely and profoundly compelling book, and well worth reading.

      This week I’ll see a lot of family I don’t see enough, while next week I’ll be traveling alone in New York and will only see business acquaintances.  Will I be more happy this week than next?  I don’t think so.  But will I enjoy this week more than next?  That’s highly likely.  This all sounds a bit narcissistic to me, but good God I’m really just not that into myself.  Instead I’m trying to be outside looking in objectively. De Mello shakes away any illusions of grandeur anyway:

      “Have you ever experienced your is-not-ness? In the East we have an image for this. It is the image of the dancer and the dance. God is viewed as the dancer and creation as God’s dance. It isn’t as if God is the big dancer and you are the little dancer. Oh no. You’re not a dancer at all. You are being danced!”

      So there’s a little humility for you as we dance (sorry) with the concept of non-dependent happiness. History and travel are actually easier to write about. They seem less… self-indulgent. Whatever: Make the most of the day at hand, wherever you are and whomever you’re with. Dance with life a bit, otherwise what’s a life for?

    • Spending Time

      Saturday I left the house mid-morning to catch our son’s college basketball game with a quick dinner afterwards, dropped the in-laws off and got home eight hours after I left. We casually spend time like this without a thought, for it’s the essence of life. Time spent on a worthwhile investment. At least to me.

      I once worked for a man who blocked time as A, B or C time. “A” time was normal business hours, say 8 to 5 PM, when you’d hustle like everyone else. “B” time was before 8 AM and after 5 PM, when you’d catch opportunities at the edges. “C” time, to him, was where you would become “successful”. It was the weekends and late weeknight time that normal, balanced people spent time with their families, or exercising, going to church or engaging in meaningful, non-work activity. For him “C” time was when you leapt past your competition and did the extra work needed to win. He fired me when I chose to go on a family vacation instead of working. He was summarily dismissed several months later when the rest of the world realized they despised him. I feel a little sorry for him.

      Which of us was wrong in how we choose to spend our time? It depends on what you prioritize in your own life. I don’t prioritize my career over my family, but do the best I can with the time I spend in it. I’ve had a decent career despite my egregious use of B and C time. Go figure. I rarely think about the guy I worked for anymore, but he taught me an important lesson at a crossroads in my career ten years ago: Life is too short to work for assholes.

      Last night as I was evaluating my time spent during the day, I thought to myself that half the weekend was gone and what had I really accomplished? My answer; I’d spent my time well, in the company of people I wanted to be with. A worthwhile investment of precious time. Will my choice enable me to squash my competition? Get promoted? Make more money? Ultimately I’m richer for having spent the time of other pursuits. I’ve learned not to focus on what other people do with their time, even when I don’t understand it. Sometimes this actually works.

      As we approach Thanksgiving in the United States, it once again presents an opportunity to spend precious time. Four-day weekends in this country are rare indeed. So with this much time, how to spend it? Use the time for a trip to a faraway place? Use it for chasing sales at stores desperate to separate you from your money? Binge watch a Netflix series? Sequester yourself away from others in your happy place? Or maybe spend that time with people you don’t see enough? I know what I’ve chosen, and anticipate a wonderful time.

    • The Joyful Pursuit of Fish and Chips

      How did I get on this track? Surely I’d have been better off looking for the best kale salad? But I’m in search of the best fried food. I know where it started. I blame Halifax. I’ve had exceptional fish & chips, and I keep chasing it in restaurants around the northern Atlantic Ocean trying to find the best in an evasive, sometimes frustrating mission.

      The very best I’ve ever had was a lunch special at The Five Fishermen Restaurant in Halifax. It was super fresh with a crisp, light batter and chips seasoned just right, all presented beautifully on a modest plating. It was an epiphany, and I haven’t had a better one yet in Canada, New England, New York, London or Scotland. Are there equal or better fish & chips in those places? Probably, but I haven’t found it yet.

      Now to be fair, The Five Fisherman is a fine dining experience with a menu to be savored, and I was the right audience for that dish. Pubs and most restaurants that serve fish & chips aren’t focused on the delivery of a world class dish, they’re simply feeding the masses. So I don’t bash the places that don’t do it well, I just don’t mention them at all. I’ve had truly awful fish and chips only once, in the shadow of the London Eye, at a tourist trap. Soggy, greasy and full of bones. I had one bit and threw away the rest. Shameful waste of food, and a fish that died in vain. I had no business ordering anything in that place so the fault lies squarely with me.

      But as you might expect, that was the exception in London. The city has some excellent fish & chips places in every corner. Pub food bliss with large servings of fish overflowing the dish, mounted on a healthy pile of chips (“next to” is the preferred serving, thank you). The only thing stopping me from ordering it everywhere was a natural desire to eat a bit of everything, but I give a respectful nod to the UK for the consistently great fish & chips. Shame my last experience having it there before leaving was that tourist trap place. Circumstances being what they were it was what it was…

      As I’ve hinted, the best fish & chips offers fresh, flaky white fish (Cod, please) in a light, crispy batter, served with a reasonable pile of crisp fried potatoes sliced just right. A side of fresh coleslaw is welcome. Tartar sauce, lemon and ketchup should be strictly optional, not required to get through your meal. When I see a piece of fish presented with a slice of lemon already sitting on the fish I think “not fresh fish”, and when the fish is thrown on top of the chips I think, “soggy chips”. Yes, it’s a basic, working-class dish, but presentation still matters.

      I’ve written close to 500 words on the modest topic of fish & chips. Candidly, I could go on much longer on the topic. Ultimately, my search continues for a better fish & chips dish. Like any experience, once you’ve had something truly exceptional most things afterwards won’t measure up. But there’s joy in the pursuit.

    • Self-Steering and Control

      I’ve been trying to get an answer from a customer for a week. Business marches on, but he’s been impossible to connect with. And I’ve grown frustrated by his lack of responsiveness. And then I realized it’s hunting season and he’s almost certainly out in the woods somewhere and completely disconnected from the world. My frustration melted away to acceptance of the reality of the situation. There’s some things you simply can’t control in this world. The time to communicate was before hunting season.

      “What you are aware of you are in control of; what you are not aware of is in control of you.” – Anthony De Bello

      I drove back from the train station and had two choices as I pulled out of the garage; turn one way and go around the city, or turn the other way and go through the city. I opted to go around the city. In normal circumstances the drive would be equidistant, but the city offers more opportunities for delays, even at 10 PM. It turns out I chose the wrong way and sat in standstill traffic as four lanes shrunk down to two. If I’d turned on Waze prior to leaving the station I’d have been aware of the state of the roads and might have chosen the city route. The tools were there to inform, and I chose to proceed unaware anyway. It was on me, so instead of getting angry about it I turned up the music and waited it out with everyone else.

      I had dinner in Manhattan with a man who’s grandparents had been at Auschwitz and survived. I’ve been thinking about the fate of the Polish Jews since visiting a museum in London. They were caught in the trap of history, with limited control over their situation once the Germans and Russians made their first moves. There are forces bigger than us that control our lives, and no matter how good a person you are, how much you eat the right foods or how big your nest egg is you get swept aside by these forces like an anthill being kicked in the playground. That’s fate, and largely out of our control.

      My good friends on Fayaway have left their safe harbor in Bermuda bound for Antigua. Unlike my trip home from the train station they’ve diligently tracked weather variables, added a redundant self-steering system and re-stocked critical supplies for the long journey. They’re aware of the risks on the open ocean and have prepared accordingly. Larger forces may sweep you up in unforeseen circumstances anyway, but you control what you can and mitigate risk.

      De Mello’s quote was directed at our own self-awareness of how we react to things, who we instinctively like or don’t like and how that plays on how we interact with them, and how we might change that interaction with better awareness. It’s no secret the world has become more antagonistic and divided. But there are plenty of examples of people doing the right thing, treating others with kindness and respect, self-aware and in control of their emotions. Being in control requires a level of diligence in our self-awareness akin to preparing for a long voyage in a small boat on a big ocean. Larger forces will do what they will, but we can mitigate their impact on our lives. It’s the self-steering that ultimately means more in most circumstances.