Alexandersmap

    Month: August 2025

    • Sea Change

      Nothing of him that doth fade,
      But doth suffer a sea-change
      Into something rich and strange.
      — William Shakespeare, The Tempest

      “Anyone who isn’t embarrassed of who they were last year probably isn’t learning enough.” ― Alain de Botton

      We know when we’re deep in the midst of massive change in our lives. Transformation is palpable and omnipresent in our days. In such moments, we hope we’re in the driver’s seat, though sometimes we’re simply on the bus. We ought to buckle up and see the ride through at any rate.

      This is a year of sea change in the world, and most certainly in my own world. We cannot control everything, but we can control how we react to change, and act to change that which we may influence in positive ways, that we go in the direction that we wish to go in. We have agency in our lives—we must remember this and be active agents of growth and transformation. Life demands this of us, or eventually sweeps us aside. Because life isn’t fair, it simply isn’t. It’s demanding and has high expectations of its participants. So we must rise to the occasion if we hope to optimize our experience in this one go at things.

      The thing is, one rung up the ladder of progress helps us see things differently than we did on that lower rung. We see where we’ve influenced our outcomes, where we fell short, and what might work on the next step up from here. Steady, consistent progress towards better on whatever ladder we’re climbing. Our story isn’t complete, not just yet, but it’s evolving with the times. Take it somewhere even more compelling.

    • What You See Is (Not) All There Is

      “A mind that follows WYSIATI will achieve high confidence much too easily by ignoring what it does not know. It is therefore not surprising that many of us are prone to have high confidence in unfounded intuitions… the confidence that people have in their intuitions is not a reliable guide to their validity.”
      — Daniel Kahneman, Thinking, Fast and Slow

      Kahneman positioned What You See Is All There Is (WYSIATI) as System 1 thinking. This means the quick thinking, intuitive decision-making we humans do all the time. By contrast, System 2 thinking is concentrated, deeper determination—like working out a problem in your head to find a solution.

      We need both of these systems to be fully-optimized and successful people, but surely we can think of examples of people in high places who seemingly wing it all the time and get away with it because of luck or strength of personality. I call these “bro’s figuring shit out as they go”. These characters are thought of as quick thinkers and tend to scrap and fight their way to positions of leadership in companies, in the military or in politics.

      The thing is, quick thinkers aren’t using strategy, they’re figuring shit out as they go. Mistakes are made with real consequences. So they need to either slow down and do some deep thinking themselves, or more likely, deploy a team of deep thinkers (advisors) behind the curtain who do the work to keep the train on the right track. We need both to be fully optimized as people or as part of a larger organization or society.

      I’m not going to say reading Kahneman’s book has been light summer reading for me, but it’s been revelatory. We all move through life thinking that we’re fully engaging our brains to work things out and come up with the right choices, one to the next, that move us towards successful outcomes. Learning to recognize that our first intuition is not all there is to see expands our options significantly. We all could benefit from a deeper level of thinking to optimize our own outcomes.

      It’s important to ask ourselves when considering any strategic move, is this all there is, or is there more to the story that we aren’t considering? This mitigates the rush to judgement that often leads us into even more trouble than we had before. Decisions compound, and the more good choices we can make the more likely it is that we’ll arrive at a better place in the end.

    • Our Quiet Proximity

      Oh good scholar,
      I say to myself,
      how can you help

      but grow wise
      with such teachings
      as these—
      the untrimmable light

      of the world,
      the ocean’s shine,
      the prayers that are made
      out of grass?
      — Mary Oliver, Mindful

      Yesterday I watched a skunk shuffle along in that skunky way, sniffing and moving through the neighborhood. Bad break for those of us with dogs, and a reminder for us to be more aware. Dogs have no problem being aware, and boldly curious, which is why they end up on the wrong end of skunks all too often.

      On that very same walk, I watched a snapping turtle glide underwater in the stream as I walked over the bridge. The turtle is an active participant in the stream—I’ve seen her before, seen where she had buried her eggs, and expect I might see her every time I walk. But sometimes I see the blue heron instead, or the river otter, or the ducks moving through the slow August current. These characters aren’t fond of spectators hovering over them on the bridge, so I’ve learned to ease up slowly and glance discreetly down. And so has the pup.

      On the day that my father passed from this world, I remained very much a part of it, fully aware of what surrounded me. That we should rush through life without noticing the blessings around us is the curse of a busy mind. If my long goodbye with my father taught me anything, it was to appreciate the gift of presence for all it offers. It’s not a eureka moment, it’s a lingering awareness of all that is and will be in our quiet proximity. The light of the world continues to shine through in unexpected ways, simply awaiting our notice.

    • Agree to Disagree

      Yesterdays post stirred the pot a bit, with an angry response from someone who firmly believes in a “them” versus an “us”. And that’s the state of the world now, with people crawling deep into their angry place and not seeing the nuance of conversation. To slap down any reach across the aisle or to cancel anyone who dares to have a different viewpoint is the way many people choose to live… but not me. I can see the system is rigged, I can be angry at the injustice in the world, and I can choose to live a positive and productive life of inclusion and generosity anyway.

      The thing is, the world can impose itself on our day at any time. We choose how we react to that imposition. Fight or flight? Thoughtful consideration or immediate dismissal? We only have so much time in our days, we must therefore use it judiciously.

      There is no them
      There’s only us
      — U2, Invisible

      These words triggered, but why? Because we don’t want to believe that “them” is “us” too? That there is a conspiracy of them manipulating our every move? We may acknowledge that and choose to react differently. Every moment stuck wrapped around angry retort is a moment less doing something joyful and productive. Stick with us, it’s a less miserable place to be. That doesn’t mean we have it all figured out, but that we find connection despite the torn fabric humanity has always dealt with.

      The way we hold fabric together is by mending tears. Agreeing to disagree is finding agreement on something, even if that something is disagreement. We can then move on to the next thing, and build from there. If we become what we focus on the most, focus on becoming something better—together.

    • The Chain of Understanding

      “A man receives only what he is ready to receive, whether physically or intellectually or morally, as animals conceive at certain seasons their kind only. We hear and apprehend only what we already half know. If there is something which does not concern me, which is out of my line, which by experience or by genius my attention is not drawn to, however novel and remarkable it may be, if it is spoken, we hear it not, if it is written, we read it not, or if we read it, it does not detain us. Every man thus tracks himself through life, in all his hearing and reading and observation and travelling. His observations make a chain. The phenomenon or fact that cannot in any wise be linked with the rest which he has observed, he does not observe. By and by we may be ready to receive what we cannot receive now.” — Henry David Thoreau, The Journal of Henry David Thoreau

      We are conditioned to see by what we’ve seen. When I think about half of the country believing the current direction of our leadership is great, while the other half are horrified and angry, I can only understand it by conditioning. Those who are conditioned by fear and a scarcity mentality believe one thing. Those who are conditioned to be empathetic and develop a growth mindset in their education, spiritual, career, health and financial life believe another thing.

      Knowing this, I see that the answer lies in education and diversity. Unfortunately, the other side knows this too, and so books are banned, late night talk show hosts are cancelled, and even satellites that give us information about climate change are targeted for destruction. Ignorance is bliss. And humanity takes two steps back.

      So what do we do in a world that is so infuriating? We continue listening, reading, observing and traveling. We keep finding the truth and share it with others. We counter the momentum of ignorance with insight and mutual understanding. We are the ambassadors of truth and compassion, and we aren’t going away any time soon.

      There is no them
      There’s only us
      — U2, Invisible

      So stay the course—learn and grow and share. There is no them, there’s only us. When we stop thinking of them as different from us and simply less aware, something opens up within our own minds. We are ready to build bridges—to help them see, not simply them, but all of us. The solution has always been right in front of us, waiting for enough of us to finally receive it. We are all links in the human chain. That chain connects to an anchor of truth or shackles of mistrust. What we connect to is up to us.

    • Walk it Off

      “Above all, do not lose your desire to walk. Everyday, I walk myself into a state of well-being & walk away from every illness. I have walked myself into my best thoughts, and I know of no thought so burdensome that one cannot walk away from it. But by sitting still, & the more one sits still, the closer one comes to feeling ill. Thus if one just keeps on walking, everything will be all right.”
      ― Søren Kierkegaard

      As I write this, the pup is sighing behind me, expressing some minor indignation that I’m spending these moments tapping on a keyboard instead of walking with her out in her kingdom, where she can keep track of the squirrels and rabbits who dare to encroach. We each have a purpose for our walks, but we share discovery in common. She catches up on the latest action in the neighborhood, I sometimes process the changes myself, or I dive deeply into introspection. Each step is different.

      Walking is a nonnegotiable part of my life. Every day I must walk, if not for myself than for that insistent puppy who has also deemed walking a nonnegotiable. For all my focus on cycling and rowing and kettle bell weight circuits, walking remains the one activity I do every day, and sometimes several times a day. The reason for walking hardly matters now, it’s simply a part of my identity—it’s who I am.

      Philosophy and walking are natural allies. We think best when we are moving, particularly when we don’t have distractions like music or podcasts plugged into our ears. Walking is also the best way to experience a place when traveling, and I make a point of walking extensively wherever I go to. My step count always spikes up when I’ve landed in a new place for a few days. Writing that sentence, I feel wanderlust stirring inside me. Walking is a nomadic experience. Our ancestors migrated around the world on their feet. Why not us?

      All this talk of walking reminds me that the world awaits. Shall we step to it? Be still no more than is absolutely necessary, friend. For we were born to move.

    • The Whole Trip

      “E.L. Doctorow said once said that ‘Writing a novel is like driving a car at night. You can see only as far as your headlights, but you can make the whole trip that way.’ You don’t have to see where you’re going, you don’t have to see your destination or everything you will pass along the way. You just have to see two or three feet ahead of you. This is right up there with the best advice on writing, or life, I have ever heard.”
      ― Anne Lamott, Bird by Bird

      We meet moments in our lives, one to the next, that were unpredictable just before we arrived there. We’re all figuring things out as we move through our lives, one puzzle after another. We learn that we don’t have it all figured out, but that we can figure it out when we get there. Sure, save for retirement, and eat the right foods and exercise to build a foundation of health for tomorrow, but don’t face down imaginary monsters that may never rise to challenge us. Take each day as it comes.

      Writing and publishing a blog every day, like writing a line per day in my journal, is a great way to assess whatever mile marker I’ve arrived at along the way. What keeps us present with the things that are right in front of us, and not worried or distracted by the clown show happening off to the side? Those clowns may impact our lives, but we have to remember that we’re driving our own life and focus accordingly.

      To that end, keeping ourselves to task on the essential things we need to do in any given day is a great way to force ourselves to focus on what’s in front of us. I know I need to finish writing this blog, follow up with several people in my work, complete a project that I haven’t wanted to deal with, work out twice, read and hydrate properly. Everything else that fits in the vehicle as we’re moving down this road is a bonus, but completing each of those is the engine that keeps me moving forward.

    • Narrowing the Path

      “Remember your destination. This will help you to distinguish between an opportunity to be seized and a temptation to be resisted.” — Rabbi Lord Jonathan Sacks, The Two Journeys

      There are forces at play with us daily. We form an identity based on the choices we make. Am I a writer because I write every day? Am I an athlete because I work out twice a day, no matter what? I might believe this to be so for either, or not. There is nuance in identity, isn’t there?

      We know that we are more than the one or two things that we’re identified with. We are heading towards some new version of ourselves with every step. Each day brings us face-to-face with more choices to make (or not make) in determining who we will become next.

      So on and on I go, the seconds tick the time out
      So much left to know, and I’m on the road to find out
      — Cat Stevens, On The Road To Find Out

      What are the heuristics we employ to determine our next step? One ought to consider destination, as Sacks suggests in the quote above. Just where are we trying to go anyway? Are we trying to lose weight? Don’t have dessert with that meal, and maybe skip the bread and appetizer too. There’s nothing wrong with bread and appetizers and desserts if they’re each a part of the path we’re on. If they aren’t, well, why have them?

      My own heuristic is streak-based. I write every day because I started writing every day, and I don’t want to break the streak now. And 2600 + posts later, the streak continues. Similarly, I decided back in June to do a 75 day mental toughness challenge this summer, and with two weeks to go, I’ve managed to stay on track despite some strong temptations along the way. Simply put, my path narrowed considerably when I decided what to be. And so I continue to be it.

      Where is all this going? What is the ultimate destination? We know if we look far enough out that we will all end up in the same place. Memento mori. But prior to that? What is our health span? What experiences do we wish to have in a lifetime? What contribution will we make that is uniquely ours (Whitman’s “verse”)? Our destination isn’t really the best heuristic, but the path leading to it surely offers us the opportunity to thrive in our time. The trick is to keep that path just narrow enough even as we strive to experience more.

    • Only You Know

      And only you know where you have been to
      Only you know what you have been through
      There’s better things you’re gonna get into
      And I wanna be there too
      Yes I do
      — Dion, Only You Know

      There is a lot to hate about technology and how it has slowly pulled us away from each other. So many people simply stare at their phone screen instead of engaging in conversation. The act of connection is a leap across the void, and it becomes increasingly more difficult to connect without eye contact prompted by an uncomfortable gap between distractions. I get grief from some people in my life for talking to everyone. But everyone needs connection, maybe not with me, but with someone, and throwing a lifeline across the void can only be helpful. It’s a brief moment of acknowledgement that we are seen and heard before slipping back into anonymity, should they choose.

      This Dion song is relatively obscure compared to his big hits early in his career, like The Wanderer and Runaround Sue and Dream Lover. But simply dropping it into an episode of The Bear has made it rise to a place of prominence in his catalog. And that’s where technology helps the curious among us, by quickly identifying what that song is that I’m hearing right now, that we may look into it further later. And maybe share a lyric that maybe we didn’t know we needed to know.

      Connection is thus possible with technology, when technology is used to pull us together instead of distracting us from the common voyage we’re on. A bit of awareness, an inclination to share, and the courage to step outside of our shell and see what’s happening with the fellow humans around us is a way to transform a lonely existence into a life filled with affinity, affiliation, and maybe even an inclination to stick around one another a lot longer. Only you know what you’ve been through, unless you turn off the noise-cancelling earbuds, look up from the screen and connect with the world.

    • Small and Transitory Grapes

      How the clock moves on, relentlessly,
      with such assurance that it eats the years.
      The days are small and transitory grapes,
      the months grow faded, taken out of time.

      It fades, it falls away, the moment, fired
      by that implacable artillery—
      and suddenly, only a year is left of us,
      a month, a day, and death turns up in the diary.

      No one could ever stop the water’s flowing;
      nor thought nor love has ever held it back.
      It has run on through suns and other beings,
      its passing rhythm signifying our death.

      Until, in the end, we fall in time, exhausted,
      and it takes us, and that’s it. Then we are dead,
      dragged off with no being left, no life, no darkness,
      no dust, no words. That is what it comes to;
      and in the city where we’ll live no more,
      all is left empty; our clothing and our pride.
      — Pablo Neruda, And the City Now Has Gone

      Life, dear reader! We must live in our time, while there is time. That’s always been the message: Tempus fugit. Memento mori. Carpe diem. Time flies. Remember we all must die. Seize the day.

      We must remember our days are short and use the highlighter with abandon. Sprinkle these moments zestfully with awareness and joyful intent. Do what must be done immediately! For tomorrow is not our day. We believe it to be so at our peril.

      This blog will one day end. That it continues at all is an indication of the stubborn persistence of the writer. It’s merely bread crumbs placed gently in line, one after the other, marking the hour or two of who I was in the moment. These moments pass, and what is left are some memories, maybe a photograph, and some words published for all to see if they somehow stumble upon this impossibly hard to find jumble of words. But we bloggers know that the universe isn’t shifting its attention to see what our thoughts were today. The ego thus shattered, we shift our own purpose to growth, where it should have been all along.

      Words flow through us like days in a lifetime. These small and transitory grapes have found you today. But where will the writer be on this occasion? Somewhere further along, or fallen by the wayside—who’s to know? We can hope for a better place of awareness and refinement, but we know the score. It’s best to simply release these words of who we were today and not worry about tomorrows. We must each do what we can with this time, for we all know the score.