Alexandersmap

    Author: nhcarmichael

    • Connection

      “Ye live not for yourselves; ye cannot live for yourselves ; a thousand fibres connect you with your fellow-men, and along those fibres, as along sympathetic threads, run your actions as causes, and return to you as effects.” — Reverend Henry Melvill

      On Author’s Ridge at Sleepy Hollow Cemetery in Concord, Massachusetts the legends are interred—Emerson, Hawthorne, Alcott, Thoreau and others. I’ve visited and written about Author’s Ridge many times in this blog, because it fascinates me that so many who reached such literary fame would then choose to spend eternity in such close proximity to one another. Emerson once said that “the only way to have a friend is to be one”. The legendary families of Concord lived this so deeply that they carried it over to death.

      There are only a few people who we count as true friends, but we build connection with countless people. Our connections form a network that serves us even as we serve the network. Each individual connection may be tenuous, but woven together with many others, trust is built, reputations are formed, careers are made and communities grow into something special.

      We learn that connections are dynamic. Some people that were simply connections grow into true friends, and some true friends slip back to connections. The fabric of our connections is dynamic and ever-changing, just as we ourselves change. We receive what we nurture. Connections form over time—but they also inform over time. We learn which connections will run deep and which are merely transactional in the moment.

      Some would say that it’s a little harder to have such connections as the Concord authors had now. We don’t all live in such close proximity today. Technology may make it easier to be connected, but it’s also an active agent in pulling us apart. To be connected, we must do our part to maintain that connection. Some people are just natural connectors, but it’s nothing more than checking in on someone now and then to see how they’re doing. Do it enough and a few actually check in on us too. We don’t have to consider eternity when we reach out, simply finding connection today is enough.

    • The Crooked Path

      “Out of the crooked timber of humanity, no straight thing was ever made.”― Immanuel Kant

      We are all imperfect beings. Perfectly so, we might add. And it follows that to look for perfection in others or ourselves is a foolish pursuit of what will never be. It’s a false peak that excites us for a brief moment before we recognize that we haven’t arrived yet. For every step forward in one part of our lives, we seem to take two back in some other part. Such is life.

      We may embrace our imperfections while still pursuing better. I write every day whether anyone else reads it or not, but I’ve read it over and over again before I publish it because the first draft is crap, the second is still clunky but flows a little better and by the third I’ve swapped out redundant sentences and moved entire paragraphs around. Inevitably, I’ll click publish, scan it yet again and find all the mistakes that were staring at me the whole time. Frustrating, but not entirely unexpected when we are our own proof-reader. Those who read this in email get to share in my late discoveries.

      Yesterday I received an email from a customer who was responding to a large group of recipients. He was driving at the time and using some AI-driven tool to compose and send his email. And naturally what was sent to the entire group was a hot mess of run-on sentences, incorrect, “best-guess” words and such. The composer of that email corrected it when he arrived where he was going, and even then it was a rough go. Emails and texts already tend to be the first draft thoughts of the masses, add an AI tool that doesn’t understand nuance or company product names and what is churned out is far more confusing than simply abstaining from a reply to all.

      The thing is, artificial intelligence will get better, but it will always be a tool in the box. We imperfect humans are the ones who make connections, discern intent and build consensus. To worry about AI is a distraction. We ought to be more concerned about what the real peak is on our own climb. Where are we going? What skills and knowledge and trusted relationships must we accumulate to get there? The climb to perfection will never be a straight line carrying us to the top. It’s always a crooked path. We’ll run out of time before we reach our version of perfect anyway. So all we can do is our best today before we click publish for one more day, and celebrate the effort towards the goal.

    • Survival Skills

      It’s been a frustrating week for people who believe in the inherent good in humanity. Violent acts played out in Australia and in the United States (who would have thought it could ever happen here?). Rob Reiner and his wife were murdered, apparently by their own son, and the person who some believe is the leader of the free world chose to mock that horrible situation with a gleeful diatribe. Class act, orange clown.

      These are days that test the soul. For we want affirmation that we were right about people being good, because we do our best to be good ourselves, and assume others will be doing the same thing. There’s a Latin expression from the New Testament that explains this phenomena: Omnia munda mundis (To the pure, all things are pure). Isn’t it pretty to think so?

      Trust, but verify is a better expression to live by. We covered that last week in this blog. It’s okay to believe in the inherent good in others, but don’t stake your life on it. History is littered with the corpses of trusting souls crushed in the blood lust of evil bastards who don’t think the way that we do. Accepting that fact helps us to figure out who’s truly good and who’s a wolf in sheep’s clothing.

      We are all doing the best we can in a world full of good people, but peppered by rogues and sociopaths. It behooves us to develop the street smarts to discern who the latter might be. It’s all just survival skills, like learning to look both ways before crossing the road or sniffing the chicken that’s been in the refrigerator for a few extra days. Our ancestors lived long enough to deliver us here, the least we can do is stop believing we live in a Harlequin Romance novel, that we may carry our good genes forward to future generations.

    • Task Tackling

      “Where your fear is, there is your task.” — Carl Jung

      There are a millions ways to avoid doing things. I’ve managed to skip my hardest workouts for two weeks now, not because I didn’t have the time, but because I got very creative in finding ways to use that time for other things. It’s not the easy workouts that I’m talking about (the walks with the dog continue uninterrupted), it’s those zone 4-5 workouts that I practice active-avoidance with.

      The answer is to do the hard work first, before the day gets away from us. Whether it’s a hard workout or a conversation we know we have to have with someone or sitting down to a blank screen and attempting to fill it with something timeless, the task is apparent. Feel the fear and do it anyway, as Susan Jeffers once recommended. The only way to is through (funny how these old affirmations just roll right off the tongue like classic song lyrics).

      The thing is, the mind favors comfort. We know this to be true because it’s been our worst enemy for years. We may anticipate the excuses and reinforce the habits we aspire to do through disciplined action. Or we can let our reluctance to do uncomfortable things dictate what we actually do in our lives.

      “Every action you take is a vote for the type of person you wish to become.” — James Clear, Atomic Habits

      To be very fit and healthy isn’t a mystery, it’s a discipline with a clear outcome. The same can be said for writing a novel or acing an exam or keeping a marriage thriving after a few decades. Discipline equals freedom (there’s another one—thanks Jocko) and the choice is ours to make. Just who do we want to become anyway? Tackle that task already. Tomorrow will be easier for having done the work today.

    • Tickled By Audacity

      “Il faut vivre et créer. Vivre à pleurer”
      (Men must live and create. Live to the point of tears)
      ― Albert Camus

      I’ve moved away from apps that teach me to read other languages, because they never really brought me to conversational French or German or Spanish. They aren’t immersive enough for that. Perhaps some of the AI-driven apps will deliver on the promise of multilingual proclivity, but as with most things, we learn by immersing ourselves in proximity to others doing that which we aspire to do. Which is another way to say we ought to challenge ourselves to go and do and be that person who is beyond where we currently are.

      French, for me, is the language I’ve dabbled with too long without mastering. We are all students of something, aren’t we? We may dabble in some things and attempt to master one, maybe two things in a lifetime. Conversational French is as good a skill to aspire to as anything. But skills are merely acquired to bring us to something else. Perhaps reading Camus in the language he wrote in, or perhaps holding one’s own in a local café where the tourists rarely go. We reach places we would never get to through the knowledge and skills we acquire and use.

      To live—vivre—is more than simply going through the motions. We can make a case that going through motions is not living at all. Going through anything is mere existence. To be alive we must do and dare, create and share. Embrace living by turning away from existing, towards something bolder and a little tingly. Those tingles are the nervous system expressing being tickled by audacity.

      Well, to live’s to fly
      All low and high
      So shake the dust off of your wings
      And the sleep out of your eyes
      — Townes Van Zandt, To Live Is to Fly

      How many ways must we say it? Be bold today. Live an expansive life. Try new things with frequency. Wings should never accumulate dust and skills should never be allowed to rust. We’re here to fly and strut our stuff. What is a day but another chance to make something memorable of it? What will we embark on next? What will we finally complete before we run out of time? Immerse yourself. Live and be bold! Vivre à pleurer.

    • Absolute Fullness of Life

      “This world is a great sculptor’s ship. We are the statues and there is a rumor going round the shop that some of us are some day going to come to life.”— C.S. Lewis

      When I was younger we had a Great Dane named Zoe. As you might expect with Great Danes, Zoe was a large and lanky pup, who could easily knock over small children, not out of aggression but in exuberance. She wanted to be a puppy, and puppies get in the mix. Great Danes who get in the mix bump into things now and then. And it’s all part of learning to coexist together. The unique joy of having a large being in one’s life.

      One small child Zoe knocked over was my son, a toddler at the time who was shocked by the experience and became fearful of dogs for a couple of years until he got a little bigger and accustomed to wagging tails and friendly nuzzles. And then we got a dog ourselves and our son was transformed into a dog lover, like the rest of us. He’s grown up to be a basketball player-sized human himself, and while my genes played a part in that, I wonder if Zoe nudged a bit of large and lanky into him herself that day.

      You may know that the name Zoe comes from the Bible and means “absolute fullness of life”. C.S. Lewis had a lot more to say about Zoe than I quoted above (why start with a spoiler?). Essentially, he believed that we are either biological beings or spiritual beings, and we don’t become fully alive until we embrace Christianity and the spiritual life. No matter what you or I believe about embracing a specific religion, we may agree that we don’t fully live until we grow beyond ourselves and embrace something far bigger. We grow into a full life deliberately by what we embrace beyond ourselves.

      When I think back on the relatively short life of a Great Dane, I don’t mourn the duration, I celebrate the joyful exuberance that big dogs bring to our lives. We hope to have a much longer lifespan than the decade or so that a Dane lives, but what’s a few more decades without the pursuit of a full and abundant life? To find inner purpose and feel that fire burning within is to come to life. And isn’t that what we are here for? Come to a higher and more abundant life, while there is time for such things.

    • Expanding Possible

      “History enters when the space of the possible is vastly larger than the space of the actual.”

      “History itself arises out of the adjacent possible.”
      ― Stuart A. Kauffman, Reinventing the Sacred: A New View of Science, Reason, and Religion

      What is success to you? Isn’t success something that stirs emotion within at the very idea of achieving it? Or of having achieved it? Success isn’t a thing at all, but a belief. People chase the idea of success, but often don’t have an idea of what would satiate that drive. So they keep on driving, on and on, to the end—whatever that is. Death, decline, or hopefully, enlightenment and a level of satisfaction with the place achieved during the climb.

      We each woke up this morning, beginning a string of successful moments and achievement of ever-expanding possibilities. Never forget the small victories on the march to summits beyond our present ascent. Writing and publishing this blog post is another small win in a series of possibilities (the streak continues for one more day). Is that success? If we believe it to be. The thing is, we can’t have success always in front of us like a carrot, we’ve got to recognize what we’ve actualized as a big part of what makes us successful.

      I heard the phrase “expanding the adjacent possible” in a Rory Sutherland Knowledge Project interview, as he called it his definition of success. As with any phrase or quote that captures my attention, I naturally look for the original source. Sutherland pointed towards Kauffman, and here we are with another book added to my must-read list. How can we believe ourselves to be well-read when there’s always another book to read?

      As someone who delights in well-spun words and phrases, I found Sutherland’s definition simply breathtaking. What is possible in our life? Not the life we’ve lived thus far, but looking ahead—what possibility are we inclined to expand? What are we willing to trade our life for, as we surely do, chasing our dreams and distractions the way we do?

      Tell me, what is it you plan to do
      with your one wild and precious life?
      — Mary Oliver, The Summer Day

      The year is almost to an end, and with it the closing of any possibility for this particular year in our lives. So many dwell on bucket lists or to-do lists. This focuses us on what we haven’t yet done, which leaves us feeling that there’s a void in our lives. I’ve recently taken a hint from Oliver Burkeman and started listing the things that I’ve done in a day or for the year as a way to expand my idea of possibilities achieved. Mindset is everything in life, and when we grow a list as we accomplish things we begin to realize that we’ve had a very successful time indeed.

      Naturally, there will always be more things to do and be. We may celebrate abundance of that we’ve achieved while delighting in executing on future plans. What is possible now, having done all this? We may grow and be, built on our expanding foundation of accomplishment.

      “Life shrinks or expands in proportion to one’s courage.” — Anaïs Nin

      We may agree that life is expansive based on all that we’ve become and done so far in our lives. Were we courageous enough? Might we be more so in the future? Success lies in what we believe the answer to be. Chasing success is folly, akin to chasing happiness. Choosing to expand adjacent possibilities is a life of discovery and action, realized one expansive moment at a time. So as we move beyond the actual that is this day and indeed, this year rapidly drawing to a close—just what is possible next?

    • The Answers Awaiting Attention

      “When a problem is disturbing you, don’t ask, “What should I do about it?” Ask, “What part of me is being disturbed by this?”
      ― Michael A. Singer, The Untethered Soul: The Journey Beyond Yourself

      If learning is a lifetime journey to understanding, we ought to make our quest more efficient by learning to ask better questions. Sure, there are no wrong questions, but there are questions that draw our focus down the wrong path. We won’t know we’re on the wrong path because we grow excited about finding the answer, not realizing until we’re far off the scent that we were barking up the wrong tree all along.

      That old trick to understanding deployed by young children—asking “Why?” until the adult in the room becomes exhausted, is perhaps the best tool that we have to knowing. And yet we put that tool back in the toolbox because we either don’t want to feel the rising frustration around us or we simply don’t want to know enough to continue chasing answers. Forever asking “Why?” may bludgeon out answers, but it isn’t as efficient as beginning with a better question.

      Knowing is arriving someplace, and it usually just leads to more questions about something encountered there. In this way, questions become infinite. Who has that kind of time to be so inquisitive? And yet we spend a lifetime barking up all sorts of wrong trees, instead of finding the scent again and proceeding accordingly. So many reach the end having missed the point all along.

      Learning to reframe the question is a good way to reset the mind. To question the very question is one way to reach a higher level of awareness. It’s not just asking, “Which tree should we bark up?”, but “Why are we barking in the first place?” A busy mind doesn’t ask enough questions, or is poised enough to ask the right questions. So what are we chasing anyway? There’s clarity in stillness, if we stop barking long enough to have a whiff of the truth. Awareness drifts, awaiting our attention.

    • So Soon

      “How did it get so late so soon?
      It’s night before it’s afternoon.
      December is here before it’s June.
      My goodness how the time has flewn.
      How did it get so late so soon?”
      ― Dr. Seuss

      December came so quickly, and so too did winter…
      Sure, it hasn’t officially begun,
      not until we hit 21.
      I don’t feel all that much older
      and surely not very wise.
      Tempus fugit, they said.
      Ain’t it funny how the time flies.
      We’re all surfing each day
      in our own way.
      Today will fly by like all the rest.
      Doing things worthwhile would be best.

      An admittedly weak attempt at poetry on the fly to mark the 10th day of December. How did we get here? The rapidity of the days flying past shocks the system some days. We know that we cannot control time, only how we use it. But those grains of sand are sneaky fast, and grabbing bunches of them are out of the question. And so we must decide what to be and go be it, today, as best we can before the opportunity is lost.

      Seize what flees, as our old friend Seneca told us. Carpe diem. That’s not a sad refrain, that’s a celebration of the day at hand, and of the hand we may play in making something of it. What a gift! May we use it well today.

    • True Nobility

      “Remember that there is nothing noble in being superior to some other man. The true nobility is in being superior to your previous self.” — W. L. Sheldon, What to Believe: An Ethical Creed

      The quote above is often attributed to Ernest Hemingway, but like most things on the Internet, a little digging reveals that the truth is somewhere else entirely. Perhaps some more digging would reveal that Sheldon wasn’t the original source either, but really, nothing is original, is it? We are all consciously or unconsciously influenced by everything that brought us here. The trick is to play the greatest hits and bury the unfortunate mistakes as the life lessons they were meant to be for us. Put another way: Learn from the best, forget the rest.

      Sheldon’s Ethical Creed has some real gems in the mix, worthy of a read if you have the time (and our time is what we make of it). Broken into sections, Think, Believe, Remember, Never and Don’t, each offers a bit of timeless advice worthy of consideration and action. I won’t re-write the entirety of it here, but another gem related to the famous quote above reinforces the message:

      “Don’t suppose that success comes by talent. It comes by plodding. Talent makes the best showing in early life. But the ability to plod makes the showing later on.” — W. L. Sheldon, What to Believe: An Ethical Creed

      So what brought me to Sheldon today? Let’s just say that nobility has been on my mind lately. To be noble and honorable is a lifestyle choice. We either live by it or we pretend to, and pretending isn’t very noble, is it? Every day offers us the opportunity to become a better version of who we were yesterday. Incremental, steady improvement is the path to personal excellence. We never reach perfection, but we won’t get very far at all if we keep taking two steps back. Choose accordingly today. It may feel like plodding at times, but the noble path is a worthy path.