Alexandersmap

    Blog

    • Telling Stories

      “No story lives unless someone wants to listen.” – J.K. Rowling

      There are two ways to look at this Rowling quote. There’s the story we try to sell to the audience – read my blog or my book, buy my product or service, hire me for the job, let’s do lunch… whatever. The story we tell others to persuade them to invest time, attention or money into what we’re offering. But there’s also the story we tell ourselves, “I am a writer”, “I am here to help others”, “I am a rainmaker”, that ultimately has to come first. If you don’t believe your own story how can you expect others to buy into it?

      I was thinking about a George Mack Twitter thread on high agency that’s stuck with me for since I read it a year ago. Here are the key points from that thread:

      “High Agency is a sense that the story given to you by other people about what you can/cannot do is just that – a story.
      And that you have control over the story.
      High Agency person looks to bend reality to their will.
      They either find a way, or they make a way.

      Low agency person accepts the story that is given to them.
      They never question it.
      They are passive.
      They outsource all of their decision making to other people.

      If in doubt, ask yourself, what would Wetzler do?
      1. Question everything
      2. Bend reality
      3. Never outsource your decision making”

      (Alfred Wetzler was a prisoner who escaped Auschwitz and helped bring awareness to what was happening there).

      Pushing myself to become more high agency, less low agency has been a mission ever since.  What story am I telling myself?  That I’m someone that gets things done, or someone who falls in line and does what is expected of me?  In general I’m proactive in reaching out to others, tackling projects (high agency) but tend to stall when I hit roadblocks (low agency).  In general I follow the rules of the game (low agency), but what if the rules aren’t really there in the first place?  Everything in social life is a construct, so why not construct my own life?  That’s high agency, and a better story than passively going through life as a cog in someone else’s story line.

      And so I’m pushing myself more in my career (which requires high agency thinking), and I’m writing more out of my comfort zone, and questioning other things in my life that I might have let slide before.  This bending reality to my will thing seems arrogant on the surface, but that’s passive thinking, isn’t it?  I have plenty of examples of people in my life bending reality to their will who I wouldn’t call arrogant, but instead adventurous and bold.  And who doesn’t want their main character to be adventurous and bold?

      The thing about high agency living is that it builds on itself.  You start with one bold question, push back a little and go in a different direction and it changes you.  Do it again and you change a little more.  Pretty soon you have momentum on your side and step-by-step eventually you’re living audaciously.  And that’s a story I’d like to see more of.

       

    • Monday, Take Two

      The thing about Mondays is they mean different things to you based on your expectations for the week. Are you attacking an exciting project or slogging through a job you don’t like? Are you eagerly anticipating that could seal your rise in your career or dreading the thought of work that doesn’t inspire you? Are you sipping coffee in a tropical cafe or in a line of cars at a coffee chain drive-thru waiting to get some coffee and get on with the commute already? Reaction to Monday’s are thus highly subjective. But it’s all a time construct and life choices anyway, at least in America.
      Back to Hafiz, who couldn’t have imagined lines in drive-thru coffee places or tapping away on a computer to complete a blog post before you get on with your newborn work week. But he knew about human nature and living in this world. Of getting in your own way. He knew we are here to dance while the music plays. Here, using poetic magic, he reminds me to stop thinking small (with a nod to Tim Ferriss for highlighting this poem):


      “You are the Sun in drag.
      You are God hiding from yourself.
      Remove all the “mine”—that is the veil.
      Why ever worry about
      Anything?
      Listen to what your friend Hafiz
      Knows for certain:
      The appearance of this world
      Is a Magi’s brilliant trick, though its affairs are
      Nothing into nothing.
      You are a divine elephant with amnesia
      Trying to live in an ant
      Hole.
      Sweetheart, O sweetheart
      You are God in
      Drag!”

      The poem is called The Sun In Drag… and it had me thinking about ant holes and elephants this weekend. So who cares if it’s a Monday? Get out of the ant hole already! Do you hear the music playing? Dance!

    • White As Snow

      (Reposting this from December 7 after it reverted to a draft for some reason)

      A few days ago I said let it snow, and 1200 miles of driving in it constantly across the middle and Southern Tier of New York and through Massachusetts and New Hampshire I regret not being more specific in my statement. Lake Effect snow made Upstate New York a snow globe, and bands of snow stayed with me all the way back. Slushy roads and slippery when wet caution cones mocked my dress shoes the entire week, and I deserved the mockery for leaving my boots and waterproof hiking shoes sitting in the car instead of on my feet. I know better but slipped and slid my way along anyway. Common sense did not prevail in footwear this week.

      Still, there’s nothing like fresh snow on a sunny morning, and I can finally pause long enough to appreciate it. It’s a stark background that pushes things that normally recede into the background forward. Hillsides of gray and black tree trunks rolled in waves alongside me for much of the week. Back home with the sun unmasked for the first time in a week, I watch the dance of illumination and shadow as sunbeams find their way through the woods with no leaves to block them as they explore. Puffs of snow drift of branches, stirred by the wind, mixing with rays of light and remind me the woods are never still, even after snowfall. Looking deeper into the woods squirrels scurry about, puffy gray tails bouncing all the while, in search of food hidden under the snow. Birds zip to the feeder and back to cover, always watchful for hawks and neighborhood cats. I wonder at the performance as my indoor cat snacks me with her tail, yearning to be free of the glass keeping her from the hunt.

      Those birds demand attention, and I count dozens moving in turns to the feeder. Food brings life to the stark backyard of winter, and it enlivens this cat’s tail as I write. Empty mug and stomach are looking for attention to, and this writing session comes to an end. The empty page soon filled with words, like tree trunks on a snowy hill, and I’m grateful for the inspiration.

    • The Encouragement of Light

      I’ve come late to Hafiz, and that both saddens and delights me. Three writers I’m following separately pointed me towards his poetry, and I finally woke up and paid attention. Where was that attention all those years when Hafiz was right there all the time? But that’s the way life is in all things. Writing came to me late too, even though I knew it was there waiting. So instead of sadness I delight in the discovery:

      “How

      Did the rose

      Ever open its heart

      And give to this world

      All its

      Beauty?

      It felt the encouragement of light

      Against its

      Being,

      Otherwise,

      We all remain

      Too

      Frightened.”

      – Hafiz, It Felt Love

    • My Holy Trinity of Habits

      Walking 10,000 steps a day doesn’t make the scale move much, but the walking offers benefits beyond incremental movement of the scale. Writing a blog every day doesn’t move the needle much on reader count or followers, but the writing has changed me in ways I hadn’t anticipated. Reading books every day seems elementary on the surface, but it’s amazing how quickly distractions conspire against you. As we near the end of the year and decade, I’m thinking about current streaks I’m on, and recommitting for as long as I can control the future.

      10,000 steps is my oldest and most current objective. I’ve been a walker since I was a kid, well before people thought about how many steps you walked in a day. Actually tracking it came late in life, right about when we got a dog. I’d tracked rowing and how many reps I did, but walking? Not until I started sitting for long periods of time for work. My current streak is only six days, but I’ve doubled down on my commitment to 10K per day. This week I’ve done that walking in three states, on rail trails, on the beach, in the neighborhood at night and, gulp, on the treadmill. Last night I walked 90 minutes while reading just to check a box. Today I hope to get there without using electricity.

      I committed to reading every day last year, and have managed to do so even when social media, long drives and work commitments made it challenging. How? By reading first thing in the morning before I do anything else. I used to exercise first, but my body needs a little time to wake up beforehand, and the reading and writing filled right in. To keep the reading streak alive I’ve got to read at least a couple of pages to “count”, but almost always ready many more. As we approach the end of the year it’s spiked even higher.

      No streak has meant more than the writing streak, which began over a year ago. I’ve written and posted on this blog every day this year and plan to keep this streak going. You might fancy yourself a writer but if you aren’t doing it then you’re a dreamer. I’m tired of telling myself stories. Blogging has brought me to places I’d never have been, as I look for interesting things to write about. Reading obviously compliments this, and so too does walking. While 10K hasn’t always been achieved I do walk every day. It’s the Holy Trinity for me, reading, writing and walking. Each reinforces the other, and I grow as a result. Other habits come and go, but these three offer a lifetime of service. So as I post this I’m 2/3 through my daily habits. I’d better getting moving on number three…

    • Friday the 13th and Ghost Stories

      Here we are again, at a point where the days and numbers on the calendar align and give us another Friday the 13th.  In general good things have come my way on a day many people associate with bad luck.  My son was born on a Friday the 13th, making it a very lucky day indeed.  More often than not you get what you expect in life, and if you’re primed to look for the negative it’ll find you.  I’ll stick with the opposite point of view, thank you.  Optimism with a healthy dose of stoicism seems to work for me.

      I’ve written before about dancing with ghosts.  For me ghosts aren’t the creepy spirits that get annoyed that you’re in their space, they’re the people who lived in the past who’s story is all around us.  Historical figures and anonymous lives alike, all lived before we were here.  The stone wall standing alone in the woods, the old foundation on Isle of Skye left from the Clearances, the soot on the ceiling of a cave from fires long ago, and the groove worn into a stair tread; These are my ghosts. I love uncovering the stories of some person from centuries ago and visiting the place they did something memorable, and maybe their grave to remind them they aren’t forgotten.  We all want to be remembered, don’t we?  At least for a few generations.  Make the ripple last as long as possible, hopefully in a positive way.

      I’ve been bumping into the other kind of ghost stories lately.  People who encounter poltergeists.  A poltergeist wants attention, making its presence known by messing with things in “our” world, crossing some border between death and life.  Frankly I never think about the poltergeist kind of ghost.  Maybe I’m closed-minded about it, or maybe they see me dancing with other ghosts and leave me alone.  But I’ve got this stack of stories people tell me about poltergeists they’ve encountered, and after a while you have to wonder what’s real and what’s imagined.  I see good things on Friday the 13th, others see bad things; who’s right?

      Yesterday I was speaking with a Town Clerk in Connecticut.  I’d stopped to pick up a death certificate for an ancestor as a favor for my mother.  We noticed on the death certificate that this relative had died from a fall down the stairs, breaking his neck.  I joked about that house being haunted and the clerk, not missing a beat, told me about Antonio, pointing to the vault and saying he died right in there and still haunts the place. I looked in the vault and asked if he preferred Antonio or Tony.  We finished our transaction and I was on my way, with one more ghost story added to the list. I don’t know if Antonio is a poltergeist haunting the vault at Town Hall, but I do know that he tragically died in the vault at some point in history.  And people are still talking about him to this day.

      I’ve heard similar stories from separate friends about encounters at hotels in Boston and Nashville, and some good friends that insist there’s a ghost in a family home on Cape Cod.  What do I know?  I’m not in the poltergeist business.  I have no desire to stay in Lizzy Borden’s house for a night trying to bait unseen ghosts to come out and play.  No, I’m trying to bring their stories alive without all the mischief.  But now and then I do hear a whisper in the wind, feel a spirit in the air, and I give a nod to acknowledge.  Walking alone in the woods at Holy Hill in Harvard, Massachusetts in Autumn once had me thinking of Shaker ghosts.  Visiting King Philip’s Seat in Bristol, Rhode Island and spooking a hawk into flight had me hearing whispers of Metacom and the lost Pokanoket tribe as I explored the woods.  And visiting the Winter Street graveyard in Exeter, New Hampshire looking for the grave of Major General Nathaniel Folsom felt like I was being directed around to look at every other Revolutionary War hero’s grave before finding his.  I felt it that day too.

      So here we are on another Friday the 13th.  We generally get what we look for in life, and I hope today brings you good fortune.  If you happen to run into any ghosts, I hope they aren’t poltergeists – those buggers are nothing but mischief.

    • Four Songs for Late Night Walks and Long Drives

      “Lay your blouse across the chair
      Let fall the flowers
      From your hair
      And kiss me
      With that country mouth
      So plain
      Outside the rain is tapping
      On the leaves
      To me it sounds like
      They’re applauding us
      The quiet love
      We’ve made
      Will I always feel this way
      So empty
      So estranged?” – Ray Lamontagne, Empty

      Some songs stay with you forever.  Empty is one of those songs.  I’ve had it playing in my head off and on for 13 or 14 years now. But it’s on the list of songs I usually save for myself, not on playlists at parties or around the fire. Empty is a song that catches you in the throat so thoroughly that you’re reluctant to share it.

      Some songs are for late night walks and long drives, and some are for the masses.  Here are a few more songs I mostly keep for myself on those lonely stretches of highway… until now anyway:

      “When there’s nowhere else to run
      Is there room for one more son
      One more son
      If you can hold on
      If you can hold on, hold on” – The Killers, All These Things That I Have Done

      I first heard this song on a borrowed CD from a friend.  I kept that CD way longer than I should have, and think about that person when I hear this album.  And it’s a complete album worthy of listening to from beginning to end many times over, but this song remains the one that stays with me years later.  Good dose of pep talk with some soaring music, and who doesn’t need some of that?

      I’ve wanted this for so long
      Now the deed has been done
      We shall rise with the sun
      And spend our time as one – One Eskimo, Amazing

      I had it all planned out to play this song in a quiet moment at the wedding of some friends.  It’s the perfect song, really, for a moment like that at a wedding.  It sneaks up on you as your sort of listening, and I tactfully placed it at a moment when I just knew it would make an impact.  But the computer didn’t recognize the song and played Aerosmith’s song Amazing instead.  Not quite the same – and the moment was gone.  That still bugs me.  But the song remains great, and it was the thought that counted….  right?

      At the moment of surrender
      I’m falling to my knees
      I did not notice the passers by
      And they did not notice me – U2, Moment of Surrender

      I’ve been a huge U2 fan since I was a teenager, but No Line On The Horizon took a bit longer to grab me than others did.  Longer as in maybe ten listens instead of three.  But this album holds on longer than some of the other albums in their catalog.  Moment of Surrender was recorded in one take as I understand it, and it’s stunning.  Sure, I play the incredible and vibrant songs like Breathe and Magnificent and Stand Up Comedy at parties all the time, but this one I keep for myself.  Breathe remains my favorite song on this album, but Moment of Surrender is a close second.

    • Beach Sand Reset

      This was one of the most unproductive mornings I’ve had in some time.  I wrote and deleted two blog posts because they were crap.  Work slid sideways and never got back on the runway.  Out of sorts with just about everything this morning.  These things happen, and I tried working through it for awhile…  with limited success.  So I decided to take a walk at lunch, and decided it had been too long since I’ve walked the beach on Plum Island.  Walking on the beach is great any time of year, but my favorite time is winter.  I saw three people and two dogs the entire walk, benefiting greatly in my isolation for walking in the middle of a work day in winter.  But that’s why I went there.

      The surf was up, offering a wonderful soundtrack to compliment the rhythmic swish, swish of my feet marching across damp, cold sand.  The beach is a traveling art show, with sand sculptures carved by the wind and waves moving from place to place, always different from the last exhibit.  Snow from last night clumped in patches here and there with greatest success on driftwood and the dune grass.  Tiny sand ridges formed from receding waves created Etch A Sketch-like graffiti on the beach; here in this moment, but gone with the wind and high tide.  Driftwood and sea glass and millions of shells mixed into the sand, clumped into patterns by the previous high tide.  I continued my march with purpose, aiming for the Mouth of the Merrimack River.  This was about a 2 1/2 mile round trip, which fit in with the amount of time I had while serving as a good workout with the give of the sand.

      I came across a child’s footprints in the sand running in circles, as children do, going this way and that; directionless.  And I thought to myself, that’s what brought me to the beach today too.  I’d begun the day with high hopes, got distracted by figuring out the logistics of getting from here to the tropics with no real time to work with, and found myself spiraling into a completely unproductive morning.  So the beach was a reset, a chance to clear my head and figure things out.  Ten year plans that break into what am I doing next week kind of thinking.  And some of that got done, but mostly I checked another 10K box and regained my focus on writing.  And when I got back to my work settled back into a groove with that too.  Good things happen when you get outside.  And when outside is a quiet beach all the better.

    • Checking Off the 10K Box

      Rain and warm tropical air swept into New Hampshire last night, melting the snow and creating swirls of thick radiation fog that muted the Christmas lights twinkling throughout the neighborhood.  It’s been awhile since I walked after 10 PM on the street, and there are reasons.  Mostly it’s the loss of Bodhi, who was my walking buddy for 14 years.  This was our time to be outside watching the sky change and listening to the faraway sounds of a car moving down the road or a train rumbling along on its way between Boston and Maine.  That track is five miles away with hills and valleys separating us, but you can hear that freight train in the still of the night.  Last night offered nothing but quiet and drifts of fog and tropical warmth stroking your face as you walked.  Strange, this feeling, when there’s a foot of snow still on the ground.

      I’ve refocused on that 10,000 step objective.  I need to move more, and it’s a good round number.  I now use an Apple Watch to track, a gift from my wife, instead of the Fitbit, which was also a gift from my wife (which in turn replaced an older model Fitbit, also, you guessed it, a gift from my wife – I believe she might be telling me something).  We rarely walk together; she’s a runner and gets her miles in that way, I’m a never runner and get my miles the slower way.  Embrace your differences and the marriage works.  And this difference had me walking while she was shopping.  I’d rowed 5000 meters at lunchtime, so I didn’t feel I needed a workout as much as I needed to keep the streak alive.  Life gets busy, and goals can slip away in the frenzy of a workweek, and especially during the holidays.  Would I love to be hiking in the White Mountains or on the Appalachian Trail every day, or on edge of the surf line on the beach?  Of course, but I’m working with what I have, where I am.  And where I am is not so bad.  I tell myself that a lot in all things, not just walking.  You become reflective and grateful when you walk far enough.

      I don’t take it for granted, this ability to walk at 10 PM down the middle of the street, with  little thought to my personal safety.  When you live on a cul du sac in a small New Hampshire town this is what you get, but I remain the only walker.  Neighbors are watching television, reading or sleeping, and you can tell which by the flicker of light against a window or the darkened house.  The neighborhood is aging, and that shift is apparent at 10 PM on a Monday night.  Most of the kids have grown and moved away, or are away at college.  Those who moved in with younger kids have them tucked in bed while their parent’s shop online for gifts.  And I’d be tucked in bed myself, but for this 10,000 step box I have to check.  Conflicting goals of getting more sleep and checking a box..  but the walk will help the sleep and so I go.  I’d walked around the inside of the house for a few minutes, thought about how ridiculous it was for me to do laps around the living room and kitchen and slipped my raincoat on and went outside.  And as the pedometer on my watch moved past 10K and I turned to home I remembered the joy of walking on a quiet night, now just me and my thoughts.

       

       

       

    • The Magic Snow Carpet

      Sunday offered the perfect combination of bright sunshine and cold temperatures to be outside. A walk around the block is nice, a walk in the woods is better, but I opted to meet in the middle and picked a rail trail walk. Rail trails are usually paved, and as the name implies they run straight for miles following old railroad beds. The advantage is good footing with much of what a walk in the woods offers. With early snow last week the rail trail was a highway of packed powder extending for miles, a snowmobiler’s dream for sure, and I’m grateful that they groomed the trail for the rest of us.

      The Windham Rail Trail changes with every season. We’re deep into a New Hampshire winter now, even if “winter” doesn’t officially begin until December 21st. Snow came early and lingers with sustained freezing temperatures. Perfect conditions for cross-country skiers and snowshoeing, and I saw a few of each out on the trail. With the packed powder I opted for micro spikes on my boots and never regretted the choice. Walking for miles on packed powder snow is a similar workout to walking on beach sand, with just enough give to increase the workload but not so much that your progress is stalled; 10,000 steps with a little extra effort.

      Today it all changes, with warm temperatures and rain washing away the magic snow carpet I traveled on. By tomorrow night it will be a slushy mess with bare spots. And then Wednesday brings colder temperatures and new snow and a completely different trail will emerge. The old expression about New England weather saying to wait five minutes and it will be completely different applies especially well to the rail trail. I’m happy to have caught it when conditions were perfect, but I suspect I’d have enjoyed it no matter the conditions. To be outside is to accept the world as it comes to you, a perfectly stoic outlook.