Alexandersmap

    Tag: Carl Jung

    • Task Tackling

      “Where your fear is, there is your task.” — Carl Jung

      There are a millions ways to avoid doing things. I’ve managed to skip my hardest workouts for two weeks now, not because I didn’t have the time, but because I got very creative in finding ways to use that time for other things. It’s not the easy workouts that I’m talking about (the walks with the dog continue uninterrupted), it’s those zone 4-5 workouts that I practice active-avoidance with.

      The answer is to do the hard work first, before the day gets away from us. Whether it’s a hard workout or a conversation we know we have to have with someone or sitting down to a blank screen and attempting to fill it with something timeless, the task is apparent. Feel the fear and do it anyway, as Susan Jeffers once recommended. The only way to is through (funny how these old affirmations just roll right off the tongue like classic song lyrics).

      The thing is, the mind favors comfort. We know this to be true because it’s been our worst enemy for years. We may anticipate the excuses and reinforce the habits we aspire to do through disciplined action. Or we can let our reluctance to do uncomfortable things dictate what we actually do in our lives.

      “Every action you take is a vote for the type of person you wish to become.” — James Clear, Atomic Habits

      To be very fit and healthy isn’t a mystery, it’s a discipline with a clear outcome. The same can be said for writing a novel or acing an exam or keeping a marriage thriving after a few decades. Discipline equals freedom (there’s another one—thanks Jocko) and the choice is ours to make. Just who do we want to become anyway? Tackle that task already. Tomorrow will be easier for having done the work today.

    • Pacing our Quest

      You must turn back to the simple things, just as your dream says, to the forest.
      There is the star. You must go in quest of yourself, and you will find yourself again only in the simple and forgotten things.
      Why not go into the forest for a time, literally?
      Sometimes a tree tells you more than can be read in books.
      — Carl Jung

      Up earlier than normal, I read a book of poetry by a well-known author. One singular poem within it, read in a moment of searching, prompted me to buy it. Reading it again, I can’t for the life of me see it the same way. Everything has its time—we are the ones rushing through life.

      Lately, I’ve found myself licking my finger to turn the page well before I reach the end of the one I’m on in my haste to move forward in my reading. It’s a habit born of heavy non-fiction reading, and forcing myself forward to just get through some paragraphs I’d otherwise be lost in trying to understand. That may be okay for textbooks, but surely not appropriate for poetry.

      There’s a lesson here: we must know where we are in our lives and adjust our pace accordingly. Our pace of life isn’t meant to always be frenetic. We can make a case that it should never be. One day perhaps I will return to that book receptive to what that poet had to say. In the meantime, it rests on a shelf with all the others. Books are far more patient than people are.

      Pace is the thing. The right pace will lead us to awareness, holding our hand even as we try to pull away at every new thing crying for our attention. We must learn to slow down and see what we’ve been rushing past. Just as a poem isn’t meant to be quickly scanned on our way to the next, our hours are only ours when we pause this mad dash through our days and set a more gentle pace.

      What are we really trying to find anyway? Meaning? Knowledge? Satisfaction? These aren’t scooped up like power-ups in a video game. It isn’t found on the next page, or the next chapter of our lives, it’s found here and now, waiting for us to slow down enough to notice. We must pace our quest accordingly, if we ever hope to find what we thought was somewhere else.

    • We Choose to Become

      “I am not what happened to me, I am what I choose to become.”
      — Carl Jung

      Recently far more active than I was just a couple of weeks ago, I’ve become reacquainted with lactic acid and the aches and pains of shrugging off lethargy once again. A small price to pay today for a healthier tomorrow. The idiom “pay me now or pay me later” is always in play in every decision. Paying as we go will always net a better result for those building a better future.

      We change when we decide it’s time, or when change is forced upon us (which is usually too late in the game). We have agency, we must choose to use it. Decide what to be and go be it, as the song goes. If that’s not high agency, I’m not sure what is. First, decide, then go be that which we’ve decided to be. There is no magic formula hiding behind the curtain. We were the wizard all along.

      The thing is, when we keep a promise to ourselves, we learn to trust ourselves more when the next audacious idea comes into our heads. We made it this far, why not try for that next BHAG (“Big Hairy Audacious Goal”) that Jim Collins points to as the fuel behind reaching for long term objectives with urgency and purpose. Is getting back in shape audacious? Not really, but closing that gap makes us more inclined to close another, then another still. And thus to reach higher than we might have otherwise.

      We choose to become or we concede our agency to others. Have another drink, have the fries with that burger, don’t wrestle with that homework, don’t make that call that would make all the difference… we know where these broken promises took us. So why keep breaking more? What’s happened in the past brought us here. What we choose to do now will determine who we will become next. Why leave that to fate? Go be something more.

    • Fears, Growth and Energy

      “If we do not have the depths, how do we have the heights? Yet you fear the depths, and do not want to confess that you are afraid of them. It is good, though, that you fear yourselves; say it out loud that you are afraid of yourselves. It is wisdom to fear oneself. Only the heroes say that they are fearless. But you know what happens to the hero.” — Carl Jung, The Red Book

      “Resistance is experienced as fear; the degree of fear equates to the strength of Resistance. Therefore the more fear we feel about a specific enterprise, the more certain we can be that that enterprise is important to us and to the growth of our soul.” — Steven Pressfield

      I’m not particularly afraid of the dark, but when I walk the dog at night I still bring a flashlight with me. Part of that is practical (try scooping up dog poop without light) and part of that is hedging my bets. I may not need the flashlight to see, but if a pack of coyotes decided to come out of the woods to face down my dog and me, seeing clearly slightly improves our odds.

      The thing is, we’re much more likely to encounter shit in our daily reconciliation with life than a pack of wild animals. But we must build resilience for those black swan events anyway. It’s only when we put ourselves in a fragile or vulnerable state that we are truly in peril.

      There are different kinds of fear we humans must face. Let’s start with the fear of the known and the fear of the unknown. Both are heavy hitters, aren’t they? If we know for sure that we’re going to have the crap kicked out of us, there’s an element of fear about the danger we clearly see approaching us, whether that crap-kicker is a person, animal or a storm, we know we’re in big trouble and it’s scary. All we can do in such moments is hope that we’re resilient, skilled or lucky enough to survive.

      Then there’s the fear of the unknown. Anyone who’s watched Jaws knows that the shark is much scarier before you really see it than it is afterwards. Likewise, fear of the dark is fear of what you don’t see. What we don’t know is far scarier than what we do know.

      We ought to condition ourselves to face our fears and do things anyway. I regularly begin most conversations with strangers rather than shrink back into myself, just to see where it takes us. I don’t mind speaking up at public events because I’ve conditioned myself to do it. Anyone can do that, if they really want to. Just do the scary thing, face the unknown and realize whatever the worst thing we imagined would happen wasn’t all that bad in reality. Then do it again.

      I currently have an underlying fear of the unknown with the United States Presidential election coming up Tuesday. I can’t control anything but my own vote, but I can fear for the future of democracy. Likewise I can fear the rising environmental crisis, the impact of artificial intelligence in everything from fake news to the proficiency of hackers to the ability of AI to take away the jobs of creative people. It’s all unknown and a little scary when you think about it.

      The thing is, everything I just mentioned are forces outside of my control. The only way to navigate these kinds of unknowns is one at a time. Bring the flashlight and phone when you walk in dark places. Live in a home situated above the 100 year flood zone. Buy insurance. Diversify investments. Exercise and eat well that we have a strong foundation for the inevitable health challenges that comes in time for all of us. Build layers of protection into our lives and we put ourselves in a position to survive and maybe even thrive. But still, vote like your country depends on it.

      Still with me? I know this is a long one, but fear is a deep topic. And we haven’t even gotten to the biggest fear of all: fear of failure. This is the ultimate unknown staring us down between the ears. Fear of failure makes a lot of sense if we’re walking a tight rope or doing a free solo rock climb high up on a cliff. The consequences aren’t nearly so high in most cases. Most failure bears out as embarrassment or setbacks—things we can learn from that lead to growth.

      So do ask the dumb question, ask out the person you want to be with, take the leap of faith on the job that is very different from the last one. We never know until we try. But in each case, do the work to be prepared for the moment. Informed “dumb” questions are better than ignorant dumb questions. Having the emotional intelligence to be with the person you’re asking out improves one’s odds of success when asking them out. Developing the skillset to handle the job we aspire to inevitably leads to better results than simply winging it when we walk in the door on day one.

      It all comes back to that invaluable Boy Scouts motto: Be prepared. When we’re prepared for the moment the moment becomes less scary. So prepare! And know what failure really means before taking the calculated risk. This is what gives us the best opportunity for success. When we’re prepared and know we’ve done the work, fear may still tingle the spine, but it’s transformed into productive energy.

    • Character Development

      “How little we still commit ourselves to living. We should grow like a tree that likewise does not know its law. We tie ourselves up with intentions, not mindful of the fact that intention is the limitation, yes, the exclusion of life. We believe that we can illuminate the darkness with an intention, and in that way aim past the light. How can we presume to want to know in advance, from where the light will come to us?” — Carl Jung, The Red Book

      Admittedly, I’m impatient for a future lightness. These aren’t the darkest of days, but they could sure be brighter. When you set a course for a destination, you sometimes just want to get there instead of living with the reality of each phase of the journey. That’s like buying a book and reading the last pages first, that there are no surprises when read from the beginning. Knowing the ultimate ending already, we ought to put our energy instead into the character development possible today.

      When we work through the challenges life throws at us, we see how we react to each and find out something about ourselves. Sometimes we celebrate the character we’ve encountered, and sometimes we want to prune off that unruliness immediately. If you’ve ever been deep in the woods and seen the odd directions that sapplings take to reach for the light you’ll understand what I’m talking about. Life wants us to bide our time and grow our roots, but we grow impatient and lunge for any bit of light slipping through the canopy.

      We can’t follow every whim and hope it brings us to our happy ending. To chase everything is to be directionless. Intentions are nothing but dappled light in the forest, sapping our energy in distraction and folly. We must remind ourselves that the living is the thing, not the chasing. When we focus on the steady growth things seem to open up for us at the right time. At least that’s what we tell ourselves when we’re deep in the forest.

    • Slaying Dragons and Devils

      “My friends, it is wise to nourish the soul, otherwise you will breed dragons and devils in your heart.” — Carl Jung, The Red Book

      It’s amazing what a few days off will do for the body and soul. Removing oneself from the daily grind mitigates the possibility that we might be ground to dust. The old Cherokee expression about the wolf you feed comes to mind. We either succumb to the darkness within or climb to the light.

      I know deep down that I write to feed the soul and slay the dragons. The daily blog is merely evidence that the journey continues for at least another day. I might have climbed mountain summits or run after a 5K t-shirt collection instead, but no, it’s the writing that got a hold of me. That doesn’t make me a one trick pony, just curiously focused on publishing a few paragraphs each day.

      There’s nothing wrong with trying a diverse range of pursuits to see where they may take us. There’s nothing wrong with work for that matter. The soul knows when we’re on the right path and when we’ve gone astray. But we must ask ourselves regularly, what occupies us? If it’s not nourishing us, we must change our diet. Sip enough poison and you begin to love the taste, and worse, begin to serve it to others.

      The thing is, the pursuit we choose is merely our way of reaching closer towards our own truth. And the truth is, we’re all running against both the clock and our worst inclinations. We must ignore the roar of the dragon and listen for the whisper of the soul, increasing its volume through regular practice until our purpose is loud and clear.

    • The Way

      “The way is within us, but not in Gods, nor in teachings, nor in laws. Within us is the way, the truth, and the life. Woe betide those who live by way of examples! Life is not with them. If you live according to an example, you thus live the life of that example, but who should live your own life if not yourself? So live yourselves...
      Who knows the way to the eternally fruitful climes of the soul? You seek the way through mere appearances, you study books and give ear to all kinds of opinion. What good is all that? There is only one way and that is your way.” — Carl Jung, The Red Book

      There is no book that will show us our way, books merely serve as an example of how those before us navigated the world. But we are the sum of all who came before us, no matter how beautiful or ugly that human history is, and knowing how to navigate a similar river of time they traversed might help us avoid hitting the rocks they hit in their time. There are lessons in the swirling waters of history that may be learned and relied upon for insight. Still, this is our way.

      We all have our compass heading to our true north. The conditions are what they are, the navigational hazards life throws at us may impede a direct route to that which calls to us, but we may still find the course through life that works for us. We simply have to avoid being foundered on the rocks before we get there. Simple… sure. Human history is full of people who couldn’t clear the rocks of their time, yet we exist in our time because it’s equally full of those who found a way.

      There’s no staying put, for stasis is decay. Knowing we must go forward, what sets our compass? We are surrounded by forces that influence our direction but ultimately it’s up to us to set it and go. Examples show us what is possible (and what is not), and fate will surely play its hand, but our own voice is telling us where our actions will take us next.

    • Foundations

      “Mistakes are, after all, the foundations of truth, and if a man does not know what a thing is, it is at least an increase in knowledge if he knows what it is not.” ― Carl Jung

      Navigating years as they unfold may make us more intelligent, or less so, depending on the lessons learned along the way. I’m shocked at the distinct lack of intelligence displayed in some people my age or well past it. I’m impressed with the brilliance and maturity of some people much younger than me. I’m sure I shock them at times too by what I don’t know at my own age. Such is the journey through time for each individual.

      We all ought to make more mistakes along the way if only to figure out that we should take another path to becoming. Fear of mistakes is what keeps us from going anywhere at all. There are times in our life when we debate whether to take a hard left instead of staying on a familiar course. Both are deeply impactful, but which elevates our experience the most? Life is full of such forks, and most follow the path well-travelled. And that makes a difference too.

      We don’t learn and grow by staying the same. We must challenge ourselves in new ways, that we may build a stronger foundation from which to see the world differently. Our lifetime of learning and experience, reflected and acted upon, carries us to a greater and more profound identity. It’s right here in front of us, where we might ask once again, what next?

    • Could’s and Should’s

      “The life that I could still live, I should live, and the thoughts that I could still think, I should think.” — Carl Jung, The Red Book

      New Hampshire in mid-May is a strange place of transformation. The trees and shrubs are leafing out and flowering, perennials are bursting out of the ground in eager anticipation for the warm days ahead, but it’s still two weeks too soon to plant annuals here for the danger of a killing frost. We must be patient with the garden, even as we wish to get on with it already. But everything has its time. The gardener knows the season.

      There are magical days ahead for you and me. There are dark days too—we know this to be true. The trick is to savor today with a measure of faith in our tomorrows. These are days we’ll remember fondly then, just as our yesterdays are for us today. We must therefore dwell in this moment with an eye towards the future and the footing of our past. We may delight in this if we choose to.

      “Here we are, trapped in the amber of the moment. There is no why.” ― Kurt Vonnegut

      The afterglow of amazing experiences can be disorienting. It’s like trying to take a picture through a pane of glass with the light reflecting back on your camera, obscuring the clarity of what’s on the other side. We can’t forever dwell in past experiences, but what is the shelf life on memories? This is who we are now. The could’s and should’s of our future self are ours to consider before taking the next leap. Still, we may savor today. Still, we may take the steps for a worthwhile and transformative tomorrow. We simply must know the season we’re in.

    • Do Not Say, Do

      “It is a hard thing to leave any deeply routined life, even if you hate it.” — John Steinbeck

      “You are what you do, not what you say you’ll do.” — Carl Jung

      Both of these quotes appeared in my media feed recently. I’m not particularly happy with that media feed lately, but such is the state of the world and the Internet we once hoped would democratize it. That the quotes appeared to me through all the noise that is social media now is another example of that other expression about the student being ready. Spring is in the air, travel is more than just a distant whisper now, and what exactly have we been doing to prepare for all that suggests itself to us?

      The thing about writing a blog every day is that it’s very easy to say what we’re going to do, much harder to execute on that vision. It’s routines that make us or break us. Intentions are a fool’s game. Who wants to hear about the promises we make to ourselves that we break? Who wants to write about that?

      In sales there’s a term for reaching out to someone regularly just to check in and see if they’re ready to work with you. It’s called a drip campaign. When the student is ready the salesperson seemingly appears at just the right time. That can be viewed as either opportunistic or pragmatic, but the prospect will eventually leave a routine they’ve grown accustomed to whether they really want to or not. A diligent salesperson will be the one they nod to in that moment.

      Life is sales. We’re either selling ourselves on the idea of change or we’re being sold to by the rest of the universe. What the salesperson has to learn is that it’s dissatisfaction with the routine that drives change. At that moment, we flip from all talk to meaningful action. At that moment we begin to do. And doing is where the magic is.