Alexandersmap

    Category: Culture

    • This Might Not Be for You

      This blog isn’t for everyone. Nor is key lime pie or poetry or Ted Lasso or Jazz on Sunday mornings. I have a couple of friends who react negatively to the presence of olives. My only advice for them is to not eat the olives.

      Some people get pretty angry about people who don’t see things the way they see things. Some people demand respect that they haven’t earned, or consensus on divisive issues, or reciprocation on their follows and likes. Remember the reaction to the series endings of Seinfeld or The Sopranos or Game of Thrones? They were memorable because they weren’t what people wanted. Some folks put a lot of their emotional well-being into a better ending of a series that they’ve invested a lot of time watching.

      Sometimes, the answer is simply that it might not be for you. Embrace that and move on. This might not be for you, but it might be for me or them or all of us but you. And that should be okay. The beautiful thing about living in a free society is the freedom to choose what we say yes and no to. It you want a happy ending, write the script that brings you there. And pass the olives if you’re going to pass on the olives.

    • Raising Standards

      I saw some old friends at the farm stand. We used to see a lot of each other, back in the days before, well, you know… Anyway, I still adore them as people. They may or may not think well of me, charming as I believe myself to be. But who’s to say? The only way to know what someone really thinks about you is how often they reach out to be a part of your life. Otherwise, what are they but apart from your life? We all get busy. It turns out we’re busy becoming less attached to one another.

      The most profoundly tragic thing about the world today is the amount of people walking the earth who are largely alone with no capacity to do anything about it. Too many people walk through life without the skillset to talk to other people (which really means being able to listen to other people). I get some grief in the family for talking to strangers, but what is a stranger but a person we haven’t talked to yet? I believe the world needs fewer strangers.

      Six years ago we lost a real character in our family. Since it was in the middle of a pandemic, the opportunity to say goodbye wasn’t available for most people, so that character didn’t have the sendoff he would have had otherwise. We honor him by working to meet the standard he set for us as citizens of the world. We dishonor him by drifting into a lesser version of ourselves than we would be if he were still around. To me, that’s a measure of the person he was, that you wanted to be a better person because he wanted that for you.

      I write a lot about personal excellence (arete) in this blog. I’m under no illusion that I’ve reached it yet. We’re all works in progress, and that goes for the inner self as much or more than the outer self we show to the world. Those old friends at the farm stand are still friends, even if we don’t talk all that much anymore. The least I can do is be the kind of person that they would want to be around more often. To not only hold the standard, but raise it. Isn’t that the proper way to honor those we’ve lost, or those we’ve lost touch with?

    • Where Are We?

      Where were you when the world stopped turning on that September day?
      — Alan Jackson, Where Were You (When The World Stopped Turning)

      25 years. We knew exactly where we were, and exactly what we were doing. The only thing we knew is that things would never be the same again.

      We imagine it was like Pearl Harbor was for the Greatest Generation. Perhaps in some way it was like that moment with COVID when the world realized this was much worse than expected. Except that COVID was a creeping realization, not an immediate jolt of shock and outrage and anger.

      Acts of violent aggression always trigger a response. The world of 2026 is far less trusting, far more ostracized and divisive than the world on that crisp, brilliant blue morning of September 11, 2001. Humans being humans, people are still looking for someone to direct all of their anger and resentment towards. Let’s blame the liberals, let’s blame Canada, let’s blame science. It’s all misdirected anger that’s been playing out for decades.

      Awareness is the answer. Know what the weaknesses are and seek to build resiliency. Not just stocking more missiles and guns, not simply becoming more isolationist and resentful, but increasing intelligence—both in knowledge of what the world is doing and in our own emotional intelligence, that we may think clearly at a time when too many people simply react to whatever is happening in the moment.

      9/11 was 25 years ago. The conflicts it triggered, both internationally and domestically, are still playing out. We may never get back to the relative innocence before the first plane hit, but we may eventually reach a point where we grow into shared wisdom, acceptance and a vision for how we may finally move towards a more unified world, together.

      Where were you when the world stopped turning? Perhaps the bigger question is, are we still there, or are we looking to rise above the ashes? In many ways, 25 years isn’t nearly enough time to really know.

    • Following Your Own Way

      If you want, then start to laugh
      If you must, then start to cry
      Be yourself, don’t hide
      Just believe in destiny
      Don’t care what people say
      Just follow your own way
      Don’t give up and use the chance
      To return to innocence
      — Enigma, Return to Innocence

      This blog is inching along again. Inching towards what, exactly? Proficiency in writing? Show up and create something every day and see where it takes you. If nothing else, we become better at shipping the work, and there’s a lot to be said for doing what we tell ourselves we’re going to do. Keeping promises to oneself matters a great deal in a world of broken promises and shattered dreams. We may not be able to rely on everyone, but we can learn to rely on ourself. The trick is to up the ante with those promises. What got us here is great, but it won’t get us there—and there is where we’re trying to get to.

      Enigma is on my life soundtrack, and when I hear a song like Return to Innocence, I remember exactly where and who I was at the time. It turns out I’ve come a long way since then. We don’t generally leap from untapped potential to arete, we show up every day and incrementally drag ourselves through the good days and the bad, until one day we look around and realize we’ve done what we’d told ourselves we wanted to do and then some. Suddenly, that song means something completely different than it did then. Or maybe it’s us that’s completely different.

      So have we arrived at the place we aimed for when we started? Are we even aiming for the same thing? More likely, we’re still a work in progress, with different goals now than we had then. We are likely better from where we were but with some work still to do towards where we are going. We humans are always moving the goal posts as we grow.

      Don’t care what people say, just follow your own way. We learn that following our own way is a tough grind. Well-meaning folks and more timid souls everywhere are quick to curb our enthusiasm for what they perceive as reckless behavior. Thank you for your concern; but I call BS. Nothing meaningful ever happens without risk. The lesson is always the same: be bold today to reap tomorrow’s rewards.

    • Afterglow

      Just my old guitar and me
      Out to find my destiny
      Nashville is the place to be
      For big dreams and faded jeans
      — Dolly Parton, Big Dreams and Faded Jeans

      Like the rest of the world, I found it easy to like Dolly Parton. She had a gift for lifting people up. Like many, I wonder why people like that pass from this world too soon while the worst characters in history live well past their welcome. Even wondering such a thing makes me a less beautiful spirit than Dolly Parton. Call me a work in progress then. May there be time to reach that kind of potential.

      I wasn’t much of a country music fan growing up, but Dolly Parton was still a large part of my life’s soundtrack. Her songs were seemingly everywhere, and so was she. By all appearances, she got everything out of her 80 years. A candle in the wind that somehow survived the stormiest of times. Someone like that, you just assume that they’ll always be there, doing their bit to light up the world. When they pass, you realize the fragility.

      Still, there’s an afterglow. Like Glen Hanson a few weeks back, there’s a catalog of music, movies and videos to look back on in wonder. The lesson for each of us mortals is to contribute something meaningful to others, that they may carry us with them when we are no longer around. Our time grows shorter, and yet there’s still time enough to make a difference in someone’s life. Those memories, like faded jeans, offer comfort when we return to them again and again.

    • To Rise Above

      “Great minds have purpose, others have wishes. Little minds are tamed and subdued by misfortunes; but great minds rise above them.” — Washington Irving

      It happened again just yesterday. A friend called to use me as a sounding board for a self-described obsession over a shocking trial happening in Massachusetts right now. I listened politely for a while as she failed to pick up on my signals that I was the wrong audience for shock gossip. Eventually I was saved by a call coming in to exit stage left.

      For the record, I’m the wrong audience for any shock gossip. Don’t tell me what the neighbors have done now, tell me what you are doing to rise above it all. Forgive me if I pull away from the misfortunes of the world. One may be aware and empathetic without swimming in a pool of misery and indignation. Call me boring, call me ill-informed, call me no fun at all if it helps, but don’t call me to gossip about the world.

      I won’t apologize for my focus on the productive use of my days. We may debate whether the output is worth the trade-off in precious time, but the point is to be useful doing something meaningful, not gossiping about the folly of mankind. Here is real empathy: We’re all just stumbling around in the dark, trying to find our way in this lifetime. Mistakes and misfortune happen to all of us. It’s what we do about it that will matter in the end. The conversation I want to have is on just how we’re each achieving liftoff in our own quest to soar.

    • Something Gritty and Tangible

      Ships that pass in the night, and speak each other in passing,
      Only a signal shown and a distant voice in the darkness;
      So on the ocean of life we pass and speak one another,
      Only a look and a voice, then darkness again and a silence.
      — Henry Wadsworth Longfellow, The Theologian’s Tale; Elizabeth

      We modern time travelers are forever busy, distracted and hustling on to the next. We ought to remember that many encounters we have will be our one and only exchange with a fellow time-traveler. Or it may be the last of many. The lesson? Savor the time together, however fleeting it may be. For we will never pass this way again.

      Since his untimely passing last week, I’ve been on a Glen Hansard binge. This often happens when an artist passes—we are reminded of their work, and seek to know more about what they’ve left behind that we may have missed. And with Glen Hansard, there is a whole catalog of brilliant, stunning music and film to choose from. Dare I say, he was the Van Morrison of Gen X.

      One might say the deck is stacked against us reaching even a small percentage of our potential, let alone our potential time with others. We must prioritize, and hope that we encounter the right ships in the night along our way, and at just the right time. This requires our receptiveness, active awareness and diligence, before the opportunity slips away forever.

      We can’t possibly experience everything, or know everyone. Inevitably something slips right through our grasp. Like sand, we can’t grab hold of it too tightly or too much squeezes through. But we can grab our share and hold on just tightly enough to feel we’ve got something gritty and tangible on our hands even as the rest flows past us in a whir. Sometimes, maybe that’s enough.

    • Dancing Before It

      “There is a reason, after all, that some people wish to colonize the moon, and others dance before it as an ancient friend.” — James Baldwin

      I use this quote on the same day that SpaceX crashed a rocket booster into the moon. Honestly, I’d had it teed up for weeks. Let’s roll with the irony of using it on the same day that the world’s richest man made a new crater on the moon. One small crater for humanity. Oh how, uh, far we’ve come.

      I don’t have an issue with SpaceX or Musk, but I also don’t enjoy their ascendance into our collective consciousness. I may give a nod to scientific innovation and the gumption to pursue the final frontier, but I’m reluctant to have any company monopolize the sky above us. And the mass glamorization of the accumulation of infinite wealth and power is also not my game. One can be a profitable capitalist without gobbling up everything.

      I’m no idealist, but I’m more inclined to dance with the moon than dance on the graves of all the competitors put out of business in a dog-eat-dog culture. There’s room enough for all of us, if we don’t hoard all the good stuff in life for ourselves anyway. But that’s just my two cents on the matter. Then again, what’s a couple of pennies but chump change?

    • Rising Through Active Filtering

      “The person who dumps garbage into your mind will do you considerably more harm than the person who dumps garbage on your floor, because each load of mind garbage negatively impacts your possibilities and lowers your expectations.”
      — Zig Ziglar

      I have people in my life who think as I do about the state of the world who are likely chagrined when I grow quiet when they begin complaining about the way things are. I simply don’t want to carry that burden. We know how the world is, we know its unfairness and cruelty and evil. What of it? It also remains beautiful, ripe with possibility and inherently good. Were it all bad the world would be chaos. Were it all good we would have nothing to improve upon. We are latest generation to reconcile human tendency with human potential.

      We will rise or fall depending on what we focus on. What we carry weighs us down. What we strive for stretches us in new, uplifting directions. Expecting more of ourselves isn’t a recipe for dissatisfaction, it’s a compass towards personal excellence. So stop with the garbage accumulation and clear the runway for something far better than what we’ve settled on. Decide what to be and go be it.

    • A Birthday Wish

      Today is the 4th of July, which for America means a big shiny 250th celebration of sorts. Many of us celebrate with reservation, concerned as we are with the state of things. I won’t spend a moment longer than necessary debating with the other side on this one, any more than I’ll join a pity party. Keep calm and carry on, with a quiet resolve to see things through to a brighter future. We are where we are, doing what we can do, hopefully positioning ourselves for better than this.

      Sometimes your next
      halting step
      is more powerful
      than the grandest vision.

      All a leaf knows
      about building a tree
      is to turn towards the light.
      — James A. Pearson, How to Build a Tree

      My youngest celebrates her birthday today. We won’t see her on her birthday, but hope that she has a spectacular day full of people who care for her and quietly miss her when she’s not around, as we do. Life is better when we gather with those we love, but life isn’t that simple. In times like these, with the best and worst of us on display, all a father can do for a daughter on her birthday is point her towards the light and help her grow.

      Each day is a dance with our potential. May the best emerge in each of us today and always. That’s a birthday wish for all who celebrate today and every day. Happy Birthday Emily. And to America too.