Alexandersmap

    Category: Learning

    • If We Are To

      “Which was the braver, the one who left, or the one who stayed?”
      ― Margaret Craven, I Heard the Owl Call My Name

      Craven’s book was made into a movie that I think about sometimes. As an upperclassman I watched it in a class taught by a great professor who I wished I’d stayed in touch with. Now that I’m the age that some of those great professors were at then, I sometimes wish aging wasn’t a thing at all—that we might play by a different rule as humans where accumulation of experience might bring us together in the same place and time.

      Aging is a thing. And we do have an opportunity to come together with people of our own time, as those giants from our past grow more distant by the day. Or rather, we do. The person we remember is trapped in the amber of those moments. We simply catch up to where they were once. Who’s to say how far they have gone since? And who’s to say how far we may go ourselves? We know that answer is hiding in plain sight.

      We must move on from who we once were if we are to become something else. If we are to strive to meet our potential. If we are to dare to reach closer to personal excellence. There are a lot of “If we are to’s” in a lifetime. We learn that excellence isn’t static, it’s a carrot on a stick just out of reach but making us hungrier by the day. Sometimes we’re so busy reaching for the carrot we forget we’re satiated already. Sometimes we tell ourselves we’re satiated just to stifle the ache of hunger.

      We play by the rules made by someone else or we step off the trail and blaze our own. What makes the person who steps away any braver than the one who stays to keep it all together? The answer lies in the question itself: What is it that we keep together anyway? What is it that we step away from? Are we trapped in the amber of who we once aspired to be or still striving to reach another version of ourselves? Bravery is facing these questions squarely and having the agency to do something with the answers. Whether we stay or we go, we must dare to grow.

    • Quiet and Clear

      “Speak your truth quietly and clearly; and listen to others, even to the dull and the ignorant; they too have their story.”
      — Max Ehrmann, Desiderata

      If we’re lucky, we’re born being the center of attention after our big birthday debut. That attention is inevitably diluted, but the hunger for it remains. Some crave attention so much that they’ll do anything to keep it. The world stage is full of such characters. The rest of us find our voice in ways big and small. Real power comes when we recognize that attention doesn’t matter as much as influence does.

      I try to move through this world a listener. Two ears and one mouth, as the saying goes. Yet I’m often the one who speaks up in a group, not to be first, not to be loudest, but because I’m engaged. It follows that when we truly listen, we become interested. The world could use far more interested and engaged listeners, so why not be one?

      Awareness develops when we give ourselves the space to find it. Constantly trying to fill empty space with chatter in a conversation is a lot like rapidly skimming the page trying to get the gist of what a poet is trying to say. We aren’t immersed in the moment and so we miss far more than we believe we have. The opportunity for understanding drifts away in a staccato of words.

      To try to understand everything is to understand nothing. And so we must learn to filter out the noise and favor comprehension. What has this person got to say? How do we respond? Attention is fleeting, but insight offers lift. We rise together when we learn to discover the quiet truth in what each has to say.

    • Honor

      “The shortest and surest way to live with honor in the world is to be in reality what we would appear to be; and if we observe, we shall find that all human virtues increase and strengthen themselves by the practice and experience of them.” — Socrates

      The world is full of honor, but it is also full of people who fall short of honorable behavior. We may be rightfully outraged by the dishonorable, but we ought to remember that we live in a glass house before we throw stones. The question of honor always begins with the one person we can control. When we realize this and begin to hold ourselves to a higher standard, we tend to rise to meet it.

      To simply do what we tell ourselves we’re going to do is so very easy, and so very hard all at once. I’m still writing every day, not because I aspire to clicks and comments, but because I promised myself I’d do it. On the flip side, I have a rowing ergometer gathering dust because I can’t seem to find the time to row for a few minutes in my busy days. There’s honor in showing up. There’s no honor in finding excuses. And still there’s hope for us if we’d only try another day.

      The act of being is a journey of discovery. We learn something new about ourselves every day. Sometimes we like what we see, sometimes we recoil in disgust, but we ought to learn to be patiently persistent with the student. No matter what the world does, we may become more honorable every day, so long as we keep showing up aspiring towards improvement. Personal excellence demands our best. Our best begins with honor.

    • What is Woven

      “What you leave behind is not what is engraved in stone monuments, but what is woven into the lives of others.”
      — Pericles

      There was an “until next time” moment yesterday amongst a gathering of friends. We have such moments every day without realizing it, in every moment of parting from people who are a part of our lives. It’s in those moments when we know the stakes are higher that we really feel the connection and pending separation. We are departing from one another’s lives for some time, but we leave inferring we’ll see each other again. Until next time implies there will be a next time. The alternative is fare thee well or simply, farewell or goodbye. Why close doors with people we hope to see again one day?

      A gap between a farewell and a hello may be clearly defined or completely up to fate, but there is a gap nonetheless. And so it is that we live our lives with countless gaps between who once filled our days. We learn to close those gaps by filling them with more experience, more relationships, and more knowledge. The alternative is to live with the bitterness of feeling unfulfilled, and blaming the world for our gaps. There’s too many people living that kind of existence already, aren’t there? So very angry at gaps they might have filled instead.

      The trick is to live a life so profound that a gap is felt when we aren’t present. To be the kind of person others want to be around or return to. It’s more than being “interesting”, it’s being “interested”: actively engaged in the lives of those around us. To be a weaver, instead of living an adjacent life like some fellow commuter in the lane next to ours, never known, never missed, simply occupying space as we zip through life. We must earn the feeling of absence when we aren’t around.

      So fare thee well or until next time or simply goodbye, but let’s remember to stay in touch, friend. We don’t have to make a big deal of such moments, merely to acknowledge that the world is changing and so are we. The journey brings us into proximity some days and pulls us away other days. The resulting gap is an opportunity to gauge the depth of what we’ve meant to each other and the collection of memories we might reflect on one day.

    • Before Dust

      If we begin to count our blessings we could cull up the very stones
      and bones in the pavement, but we’d never count the dust.
      We distrust what we become.
      — Ada Limón, High Water

      “Earth to earth, ashes to ashes, dust to dust” — Book of Common Prayer

      We know the score. We’re all going to leave this world at some point, and return to the earth. But before we become dust we are alive. And so we must learn to live in our time.

      We ought to be grateful for who we are and what we have, for it is our core, our identity, our foundation for all that we may become. The fact that we are stardust turned into someone who may build a ship capable of taking us to the edge of the universe (or alternatively, to binge watch Netflix) is a miracle. Who are we to forsake miracles?

      To seek answers to the questions of these recurring, if only to find a spark of truth to light the way. We are the next in line to find folly in the human condition. We might simply use our time to seek connection and purpose with our fellow passengers on this voyage through to the unknown. We are blessed with this, after all. Before dust, make something beautiful.

    • The Attentive Student

      “To venture causes anxiety, but not to venture is to lose one’s self. And to venture in the highest is precisely to be conscious of one’s self.” ― Søren Kierkegaard

      For better or worse, the life I built around venturing changed during the pandemic and again when I changed jobs last year. The hotel, air carrier and rental car status and points have faded to nothing. The blog used to feature more travel, and now I venture inward more often than I cross borders. So it goes—and so it must go.

      An inclination to venture is a lovely thing indeed, but it’s the self that we are seeking to find. To constantly be in motion without slowing down to examine the self is evasive. Sooner or later we’ve got to become aware of who we are and what we’re doing with the time we have. My time has grown more productive simply by slowing down enough to be present.

      The travel is booked and will happen soon enough, if fate allows. We can steer the ship but cannot control the wind. Life will determine itself moment-to-moment. Our job is to take it all in and assess where we are and what to do with what we have. From there we venture where we may.

      To know the self ought to be our highest aspiration. So do travel, but also read and meander observantly through the garden and most of all, listen to what the universe is telling us. Each day is a lesson awaiting the attentive student. Bon voyage.

    • Be Strong

      And if the darkness is to keep us apart
      And if the daylight feels like it’s a long way off
      And if your glass heart should crack
      And for a second you turn back
      Oh no, be strong
      — U2, Walk On

      What is your theme song when life doesn’t line up in your favor? Walk On is surely one of mine. It’s a reminder to be strong, even when it doesn’t feel like being strong will make much of a difference. It always makes a difference. Sometimes all we can control is how we react in the moment. And sometimes how we react changes everything.

      The key is to transcend the moment, whatever it presents to us, and move to the next. One day at a time, steady and strong, for this entire climb. And when the world feels dark and it all feels futile, walk on until we move past that which would otherwise sweep over us. Face it, for we know we must. But just keep moving forward.

    • Aspiring to Excellence

      “I know you won’t believe me, but the highest form of Human Excellence is to question oneself and others.” — Socrates

      “As he valued excellence less and less, he began to lose his skill in assuming it.” — Mary Renault, The Last of the Wine

      For years I’ve been writing this blog, talking of that evasive personal excellence and its ancient philosophy, arete. We know that we’ll never reach it, only to get closer, until one day we release all we’ve gained to eternity. We may view this as an impossible goal and aim lower, or as a worthy height to ascend towards, offering views we’d never see if we hadn’t attempted to go even higher. Most of us tend to stick with attainable goals. And so it is that we are the lesser for having lowered our expectations of ourselves. That truth becomes apparent over time.

      Still, we may reach that time when we recognize what we’ve opted out of and choose to opt in to something more. Just as bucket lists give people who are late to the game a chance to realize some of those dreams deferred for other things, we may choose an aspirational list of personal growth that leads us closer to our potential. We may not run a PR in the marathon as we grow older, but we can fully explore our intellectual potential for as long as our mental faculty allows.

      The key is to determine a higher standard of living for which we will aspire towards, and attempt to exceed our standard from yesterday today. We may be late bloomers whatever our age, but damnit, we may bloom yet. We may aspire to arete, our evasive personal excellence, and grow to meet the potential within us. Life shouldn’t be a series of settlements of our standards for ourselves, but a steady climb to better. Shouldn’t it?

    • Do Interesting

      “Do interesting things and interesting things will happen to you.” — John Hegarty

      The more times I circle the sun, the more I feel that interesting surpasses necessary. The timeline tightens, the world changes as we work to keep pace, and the examples of days spent doing necessary at the expense of interesting accumulate. What is necessary is methodical, logical, practical. What is interesting is radical, bold and audacious. Do interesting.

      For here there is no place
      that does not see you. You must change your life.
      — Rainer Maria Rilke, Archaic Torso of Apollo

      We cannot compare ourselves to others. Interesting isn’t what our favorite YouTube channel is doing this week, interesting is what we do that is a departure from our norm. Interesting is taking “not yet” out of our vocabulary in favor of “why not?” It doesn’t matter what the world does today, this is our life to live in the best way we can with the tools we have at our disposal.

      What are we doing today? Make bold choices, if only for now. Tomorrow we can defer to necessary, should we feel inclined. Today is for something more. Do interesting. There’s no time to waste.

    • Where Do 2500 Blog Posts Bring Us?

      “You must live in the present, launch yourself on every wave, find your eternity in each moment. Fools stand on their island of opportunities and look toward another land. There is no other land; there is no other life but this.” — Henry David Thoreau, The Journals of Henry David Thoreau, 1837-1861

      This is the 2500th blog post published. Countless others never made it this far, but surely influenced me just the same. The process of writing informs, whether the world sees what we write or not. But to publish is to be bold, today, at least for one audacious moment.

      I ask myself, sometimes, what took me so long to come to blogging? I ask myself, why I would ever write another? Each post is a minor victory in productive ritual. Each underscores a strong desire to learn and grow and become something more. A late bloomer coming to a dying art just as reading seems passé to the hip crowd. And yet, once in a while some words resonate with another.

      The thing is, I began writing thinking I might change the world, I ended up changing myself. Talk of heaven and hell is often nothing more than deferring our one and only opportunity to live and be what we will. There is no other life than this, and I’m inclined to go and do and see and be while I can. We know what’s coming for us, and ignore it at our peril.

      So where have 2500 blog posts brought us? It’s always been a call to action to go forth and see new places. And the places! Faraway and deep within, forever seeking the new and interesting. Forever changing, forever changed, with an eye on personal excellence (arete) that will be just out of reach but worth the effort. To make the most of every day we’re blessed with and write a few words about it again and again until one day it ends. One step closer to knowing with each blog published.

      Postscript: In a moment of humbling realization, 2500 blog posts brought a typo in the title, since corrected but forever locked in on social media and emailed articles. We must laugh and toast to nothing. I’m a long way from arete but trying just the same.