Alexandersmap

    Category: Personal Growth

    • Time. Warped

      “We must not allow the clock and the calendar to blind us to the fact that each moment of life is a miracle and mystery.” ― H. G. Wells

      In a time warp kind of year, where the very idea of time seems askew, some perspective from H. G. Wells seemed appropriate. When we think about all that’s happened this summer, let alone this year, it might feel as if someone is playing with the clock and calendar to jamb more transformative change into ever tighter increments of time. Personally I’ve seen more twists and turns and backflips to my sense of what makes up normal than you see in an Olympic gymnastics floor routine. And August is stacked—doubling down on the crazy.

      None of this is new, only our perspective has changed. The world marches along at maddening speed, and we are either witnesses or active participants. Predictable is nice, but surprising developments and plot twists are what take our breath away. Life should be a fascinating page-turner, not some tedious slog through required reading. Instead of feeling overwhelmed we might simply say, “Wow, I didn’t see that coming” and muster up the courage to write the next scene.

      This is our time, for all its glory and ugliness. We may revel in the former while finding some way through the latter to better days. It all may feel warped in some moments but the pace of change has always been relative to how we look at such things anyway. All that ever matters is what we make of this—our day. Leaving the rest to history.

    • Ought To’s and Got To’s

      “Change your life today. Don’t gamble on the future, act now, without delay.” — Simone de Beauvoir

      We ought to act with more urgency in our days. Ought to’s aren’t the same as got to’s though, are they? We know we ought to work out more, eat and drink less empty calories, read more, make the call we’ve been meaning to make and do that other thing that’s been nagging at us for some time now. What did we actually get to yesterday? That’s the stuff of consequence that moved the chains in our march through time. Got to’s are palpable because we feel the change that comes with them.

      There are few things more fulfilling than a solid day in which we do the things we’d promised ourselves that we’d do. It sets the table for a bolder tomorrow, clears the deck of yesterday’s commitments and confirms for us that we got to do the things we knew we ought to do. Excuses fall by the wayside as accomplishments stack up behind us.

      We know that there’s always another ought to rising up to meet us. That’s life. But that next ought to is easier to face when we’ve gotten to the things that came up before. Each lifts us to a higher place; a staircase of accomplishments rising to a higher identity. The view is distinctly better the higher we climb. Certainly better than down there treading water under the weight of all those ought to’s.

      The thing is, we read an inspiring quote like Beauvoir’s and feel the lift of her words. Do we act on it in the moment? Changing our lives seems pretty big when we think about it, but really it’s just the next thing we’ve got to do completed, and the one after that. So by all means, we must act now, and leave today’s ought to’s in the past where they belong.

    • Monsters and Miracles

      “Whilst we seek out causes and solid and weighty ends, worthy of so great a name, we lose the true ones; they escape our sight by their littleness. And, in truth, a very prudent, diligent, and subtle inquisition is required in such searches, indifferent, and not prepossessed. To this very hour, all these miracles and strange events have concealed themselves from me: I have never seen greater monster or miracle in the world than myself: one grows familiar with all strange things by time and custom, but the more I frequent and the better I know myself, the more does my own deformity astonish me, the less I understand myself.” — Michel de Montaigne, The Complete Essays

      We are, each of us, walking contradictions in identity. We can be lazy or vigorous, distracted or focused, incompetent or prolific contributors to the causes most meaningful to us. And most every time beauty is in the eye of the beholder. We are our own worst critic, and ultimately the one who pull ourselves out of a tailspin to soar once again.

      Today I aim to do better than I did yesterday. Now yesterday was memorable for a few good reasons but not nearly as good as the day before was. Yesterday the ego got in the way a bit too much, the lazy me got the upper hand. I didn’t reach the level I aspire to for myself in many ways. But today is a new day and anything is possible. Just who will I be today?

      Self-awareness is our scorekeeper. We can assess our performance against the standard we set for ourselves and face the truth of who we were in the moment. Sometimes we let ourselves down, sometimes we surprise ourselves with the heights we reached. In the morning we may mourn or celebrate these realizations, but always with the intent to aspire for better. Today is a new day, and a new opportunity to reach higher.

    • What Feeds Your Head

      “I would urge you to be as imprudent as you dare. BE BOLD, BE BOLD, BE BOLD. Keep on reading. (Poetry. And novels from 1700 to 1940.) Lay off the television. And, remember when you hear yourself saying one day that you don’t have time any more to read- or listen to music, or look at [a] painting, or go to the movies, or do whatever feeds you head now- then you’re getting old. That means they got to you, after all.” — Susan Sontag, from the 1983 Wellesley College commencement speech

      I’m far from the most productive productivity zealot out there, and I’ve always positioned myself as the late bloomer figuring things out as I go. One thing I figured out a long time ago was that I need to have a head start to keep up with that which I aspire to finish today. It’s no secret that I try to jamb as much as possible into the morning hours, that I may be ahead of the game as the world washes it’s nonsense over me. This morning? 11 mile ride, feed the pets, water the plants, read two chapters, responded to essential work emails and now writing this blog in hopes of publishing before 8 AM. Will my hours be as productive as the day progresses? Likely not, but at least I’ve done what I’d hoped to do when I woke up.

      We can’t run on empty forever. We’ve got to fuel the engine that keeps us running down the hours. Hydration and nutrition are a given, but we can’t forget to refill the mind’s battery. A good night’s sleep to keep the brain fog at bay, then seek to fill up with as much nutrient-rich experience as we can find. What feeds our head? We ought to be more creative and attentive to our choices. Garbage in, garbage out and all that.

      I’m pressing for more travel, more music, more art, more face time with interesting people, and more diverse experience than I’ve accumulated thus far. How much is enough? We’ll know it when we get there, and I’m a long way from there now. Sontag’s speech to young graduates was likely well received, but it’s their parents and grandparents who really knew the score. Life will constantly get in the way of feeding our mind and soul. We must carve out the time and jealously guard it, lest it disappear forever.

      So be bold today. It’s not the first time I’ve asked, and won’t be the last. I’m asking it of you and also of me. Today’s the day. Nice starts are great, but sprint to the finish this day. There’s just so much to see and do and only now to work with.

    • Attention is Vitality

      “Do stuff. be clenched, curious. Not waiting for inspiration’s shove or society’s kiss on your forehead. Pay attention. It’s all about paying attention. attention is vitality. It connects you with others. It makes you eager. stay eager.” ― Susan Sontag

      Many things compete for our attention. The pup wants very much for me to pay full attention to playing frisbee with her for the entire morning. There’s a part of me that would rather do that than shift attention to other work. But there are things we must do in our lives that call to us. What we pay attention to determines where we go after all.

      Perhaps I love my return to cycling because of the state change it brought to me, or perhaps it’s because I’m very focused on the act of staying upright and making miles when I’m doing it. There’s no texting or doom scrolling on my part, and hopefully not on the part of the drivers nearby. There’s just full attention to the joyful act of flying inches over the pavement, with the occasional hill to punch up the heart rate.

      During this morning’s frisbee session I listened to the world around me. The sound of a horse whinnying at the farm beyond the woods, a crow having a conversation with another crow that preferred silence (thank you very much!), the hum of distant morning drivers on country roads, the sun shining brightly upon grateful oak leaves, the still wet footprints from an early morning plunge in the pool, a bit of coolness in the air. Paying attention offers a wealth of information from which to become engaged with the universe. Alternatively, we may focus our rapt attention on one thing until it’s done. I’m particularly good at the former, and force myself towards the latter. Some tasks are easier than others.

      There’s just so much to pay attention to in this world, screaming as it is for ours. The trick is to filter it all out and listen to the call of the wild within us. What excites us? Why aren’t we doing more of that to see where it leads us? Life is a meandering path of engagement and diversion with an undefined destination set against a clock ticking relentlessly in the background, reminding us that we’re running out of time. Do stuff! While we still have the currency of attention, health and vitality to stuff those minutes full of experience.

    • A Unique Wonder

      I read somewhere that meteor showers
      are almost alwavs named after the constellation from which
      they originate. It’s funny, I think, how even the universe is telling us
      that we can never get too far
      from the place that created us.
      How there is always a streak of our past
      trailing closely behind us
      like a smattering of obstinate memories. Even when we enter a new atmosphere,
      become subsumed in flames, turn to dust, lose ourselves in the wind, and scatter
      the surface of all that rest beneath us, we bring a part of where we are from
      to every place we go.
      — Clint Smith, Meteor Shower

      Walking the pup the other night, I saw a shooting star far brighter and more colorful than the norm, with a very definite tail and distinct blues, greens and yellows in the burn. I thought for a moment that it might have been a stray firework but for the direction it was falling and the distinct shooting star vibe. Was it an elusive fireball or simply a particularly passionate meteor? I think the latter, but it was the brightest and most colorful I’d ever seen. This particular shooting star apparently contained enough copper, magnesium and iron to treat me to that display of blue, green and yellow I’d witnessed. Throw enough science at anything and the magic evaporates. Let’s just call it a unique wonder in a sky full of beautiful.

      I don’t write about the stars so much nowadays, but I still look up most every night and marvel at the universe. If we are indeed stardust then we are staring at our distant cousins out there. Some of us dwell on where we came from, some chalk it up to a Creator and dismiss any talk of science as sacrilege. None of us is really in the know on such things, and the people who shout the loudest are usually the ones who know the least. We all crave answers, don’t we? It’s just that some settle on the answer someone else tells them is true instead of remaining open to other possibilities. Where we come from, if we go back far enough, is infinity. We’ll return there someday soon. What we choose to call that infinity is up for discussion.

      The thing is, we all accept some version of where we came from, it’s where we’re going that we can’t quite understand. We are all shooting stars streaking across the sky to our final days, memento mori and all that. But we may add enough color to our lives to make our journey wonderful, and perhaps inspire others on their own journey too. In our dance with infinity, this brief time is unique to us. Shouldn’t we aspire to as much as we may fit in along the way?

    • Let Us Be Bold Today

      “I think that all human systems require continuous renewal. They rigidify. They get stuff in the joints. They forget what they cared about. The forces against it are nostalgia and the enormous appeal of having things the way they always have been, appeals to a supposedly happy past. But we’ve got to move on.” — John W. Gardner

      Rigidify isn’t a word I use frequently, but isn’t it perfectly opposite of embracing change and the growth that comes with it? We’re all changing every day, we just don’t see the changes until we’ve looked back with some perspective. Sure, there are abrupt changes that turn us upside down now and then in a lifetime, but for the most part we must be the invoker of state change in our lives.

      The problem is that everything grows so damned comfortable. We’re less inclined to change dramatically, preferring the incremental changes we can absorb with careful consideration. That’s why we stay where we are, doing what we’ve been doing, with the people we’ve always done them with, until the end… Rigidified. Let that <yawn> not be us.

      We get caught up in big picture stuff too often, and forget the small act we can make in the moment that will change everything given enough momentum. There’s a feeling of hopelessness in people paralyzed by all the things in their life that get in the way of the leap into new. Change feels too big. Maybe start with how we spend the next hour instead. What is the most dynamic, energizing, empowering thing we can do right now that is within our control? Do some version of that. Shake off the cobwebs and leap! At least try a little hop?

      “You’re not dying. You just can’t think of anything good to do.” — Ferris Bueller to Cameron, Ferris Bueller’s Day Off

      We all need that Ferris Bueller character in our lives to call us out for getting too comfortable in our own current state. If good is truly the enemy of great, then good enough in this moment is keeping us from something far better. We ought to be more creative with our hours. This current one is slipping away quickly. So consider this a Bueller callout and shake off the cobwebs. Let us be bold today.

    • The Realized and the Wistful

      “If more information was the answer, then we’d all be billionaires with perfect abs.” ― Derek Sivers

      We know we’ve got to work the plan to meet our objectives. Plans without work are simply dreams that will eventually be wistful regrets. I write a lot about productivity to remind myself that becoming is an act of deliberate action. Everything else is talk.

      As Jim Collins demonstrated to us with his analogy in Good to Great, pushing the flywheel establishes momentum. In theory it becomes easier and easier as we push and the flywheel’s momentum takes over. The opposite is true as well: stop pushing for awhile and all momentum is lost and the work becomes harder to get back on track. The lesson is to keep pushing. The underlying lesson is to make sure we’re pushing on the right flywheel in the first place.

      It’s essential to assess things as we go so we don’t arrive at the place we’ve been pushing towards only to find it wasn’t where we wanted to be in the first place. I had a few people question me when I stated I was assessing whether to keep writing this blog. I think it’s fair to ask that question of ourselves, but maybe not fair to put it out there in writing for all to see. Perhaps I overshared. Still, I keep pushing.

      The root of the Sivers quote above, and the conclusion I’m finally getting to, is that we’re all figuring it out as we go. We can’t stop pushing ahead to establish and sustain momentum, but we must pause long enough now and then to assess where we are and where we’re going. There are no do-overs in this game, and nothing is ever perfect. But when we get it right, we might maximize our realized dreams while minimizing those wistful regrets. Maybe that’s enough success for one lifetime.

    • Savor the Circle

      “Do silly things. Foolishness is a great deal more vital and healthy than our straining and striving after a meaningful life.” ― Anton Chekhov, The Portable Chekhov

      I hit the 20 mile mark yesterday in combined mileage between cycling and walking. This may not seem all that impressive, but it was a busy and hot day and that milestone was very much in doubt for much of the day. I finished just after 10 PM, when I’m usually in bed reading. To celebrate I took a late night solo swim—just me and the stars and satellites in a dark pool of water on the edge of the woods. And I felt completely alive and present floating there.

      The older I get the less I seek meaning in everything I do. I’m simply enjoying it all. Washing dishes never felt so fulfilling. Dead-heading the flowers is meditative. Cleaning up after the pets? Not so delightful, but not something I avoid or resent as I’m doing it. It’s just part of the deal. Life is a series of chores and commitments we make to each other before we carve out a bit of time for ourselves to savor the circle we’ve surrounded ourselves with.

      The scale is telling me that I’m roughly the same character I was a month ago, but what does a scale know? I’m more fit, more active, seeing more and feeling the momentum of consistency. We know when we’re fully alive and when we’re fooling ourselves. Activity pays dividends beyond numbers on a scale.

      These are days we’ll remember. At least they will be if we place ourselves squarely in the moment and fill each with things that make us feel vital and healthy. As we move into the height of summer, what will we take from this time? The satisfying snip of a spent bloom? The smell of tomato vines and twine? Light shining in north-facing windows that rarely catch such beams but for the longest days of the year? Or bubbles running up your back as you rise to meet the July sky? The answer is to delight in it all.

    • Pressing the Essence

      “I would like to do whatever it is that presses the essence from the hour.” — Mary Oliver, Pen and Paper and a Breath of Air

      Grabbing the moment was the goal well before this blog began, but the writing emphatically reminds me to seize the bloody day already. Some hours are seized, others are burned frivolously and quickly forgotten like all the rest of our lost time. We ought to remind ourselves to look for the essence in every hour and give it our full attention before it slips away to the infinite.

      Paying attention helps. What are we experiencing right now? Where will it lead us next? How can we put an exclamation point on this moment? This level of curiosity and focus wrings joie de vivre out of ordinary. Whoever we will become surely begins right here and now, wherever we find ourselves. We may write a hell of a story launched from this hour or give it to the average like all the rest, the choice is ours. It always begins with where we focus our attention.

      Perhaps that’s my why for this blog. The thing that keeps it going instead of all the other things I might do instead of this with this particular hour. Then again, maybe there’s something more hiding just below the surface in this hour that is even more essential for you and I to discover. We won’t know if we don’t seek it out.