Alexandersmap

    Tag: Carl Rogers

    • Directional Intent

      “What’s in store for me in the direction I don’t take?” — Jack Kerouac, The Subterraneans

      Last week I had a Zoom call with a couple of guys I had locked in the amber of Amherst, 1994, when I coached them both to a successful conclusion to their rowing careers. They graduated, I moved to another life that I’m still living, and we hadn’t spoken in 32 years. We’ve each gone our ways, and yet forged a bond that reverberated all these years later. That year changed everything about me, and was the foundation of all that has followed.

      It’s easy to look back on crossroads and wonder about the road not taken. Would it have made a difference had we gone in that direction instead of this? No doubt, but have a look around at all that’s surrounded us on this journey. A full, happy life begins with gratitude for the abundance of here and now.

      “The good life is a process, not a state of being. It is a direction not a destination.” — Carl Rogers

      I smile to myself at people who push me to change for change’s sake. Those helpful souls who want me to work harder, or retire immediately while I’m “young”, or some such change of direction. As if their direction is mine because they wish it to be so. The only direction that matters is moving towards the person we wish to become. Bold leaps are lovely things to behold, but most of life is subtle shifts in our course towards better.

      Subtle can feel like drifting if we aren’t paying attention—savoring the best of now, wherever we are. That old expression, this too shall pass isn’t just about surviving the challenging times in life, it’s about reminding ourselves that it’s all passing by so very quickly, so pay attention and celebrate all that is, even as we look towards all that may be.

      Some years stand out as milestone years. Looking back and wondering who we might have been had we simply continued on a different path may make us consider what we missed in that direction, or it may make us realize that the path we’ve taken has offered plenty. Our directional intent brought us here, and will eventually bring us there (wherever that is). Turns out today is our crossroads, always. All milestones start from here. The magic isn’t in believing it to be so, but in witnessing it all unfold from here.

    • Our Beautiful Choice

      “A person is a fluid process, not a fixed and static entity; a flowing river of change, not a block of solid material; a continually changing constellation of potentialities, not a fixed quantity of traits.” — Carl Rogers, On Becoming A Person

      I walk by a single tree that is clearly more distressed than it’s neighboring trees. The foliage has already begun to change to gold and faint orange. The drought most likely, I think to myself on one pass beside the tree. There are many loops past this tree, and thus many chances to observe things like the rate of change in the foliage relative to the trees around it. Each pass marks the incremental change in both the tree and me. I may have a little more agency, but every reunion with the tree reminds me that I’m really just moving in circles most of the time. We are kindred spirits, alive in the same moment, transformed by environment and place.

      “No man ever steps in the same river twice, for its not the same river and he’s not the same man.” ” — Heraclitus

      All these changes have brought us here. Collectively. I’ve turned away from the news of the world—politics and sports and celebrity gossip mean nothing to me now. To focus on what is within my control and nothing more is liberating in and of itself. We are explorers, charting a path through an upside down world. When we find the ground beneath us isn’t solid, as on a beach with the surf constantly pulling the sand from beneath our feet, we too must adapt and adjust our stance. And eventually find our way to solid ground once again.

      Life is change. And it’s never been nor ever will be fair. Environment and place are largely out of our control, but how we move through this world is our beautiful choice to make. We may get caught up in the swirl and concede the sinking or choose a path to something more tangible from which to base our growth upon. Decide what to be and go be it. Our potentialities are always ahead of us, awaiting our move in that direction.