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  • The Odd Greeting

    Walking offers a unique experiment in etiquette. My upbringing as a hiker trained me to greet everyone I passed along the way with at minimum a “hello”. But this doesn’t go over well in some places. People are naturally on guard for the unwelcome intrusion on personal space on city sidewalks, but surprisingly on rail trails too.

    Sure, I understand a female jogger not wanting to invite trouble by being too engaging on a trail with a tall stranger walking towards them. Completely understandable that you’d want to minimize risk. But I am surprised by the number of men who avoid eye contact, let alone a curt “Hi” as you march on by. Such is the world we live in where sensational outcome stories run top of mind, like a bleeds-it-leads story on the 6 o’clock news.

    I don’t push the issue. You know within five paces whether someone is a greeter or not. Which presents another etiquette problem. At what point in your walk towards each other is it proper to make eye contact, say your greeting and look away. Staring at someone as you walk towards them is unnerving at best, will get you berated or physically assaulted at worst. No, a quick glance over at two paces, a clever remark as warranted or a quick hello and back to the path with those eyes. Staring after a greeting is right up there with pre-greeting staring, with the same result just as likely.

    I’ve found that the more you’ve worked to get wherever you happen to be passing someone, the more likely there will be a greeting. Hiking the White Mountains? Pretty likely. Walking the path across Boston Common? Improbable. Unless you’re brought together by circumstance. Like walking in a snowstorm or driving rain, when you greet each other with that “can you believe this?” look. Shared experience builds comradely, if only for a brief moment. And really, we’re all in this together, aren’t we? Well, except for those people who hike with earbuds in. They’re definitely flying solo.

  • Leap

    I was contemplating the Erie Canal on a walk early this morning and thinking about whether there were fish in it.  And to answer one jumped out of the water and splashed down in a ring of ripples.  And I thanked the fish for clearing that up for me.  Then it occurred to me; Most fish don’t jump out of the water, only a few do.  If all fish jumped out of the water the surface would look like a pot of boiling water.  Instead it’s an event.  And I wondered, why wouldn’t all fish jump out of the water to see what’s on the other side?  Because most fish are content with the environment they’re in and don’t care to know what’s “out there”.

    People are like fish in that way.  Most just swim along blissfully unconcerned about the state of the world outside their pond.  But the bold few make the leap, breaking the surface tension for the glorious freedom just beyond their comfort zone and make a bigger ripple in their moment.

    I’m watching some people in my life take bold leaps, and I’m thrilled for them.  There’s nothing wrong with the pond, after all that’s what keeps you alive, but seeing the world beyond seems worth a leap now and then. Go make a big ring of ripples. I’ll do the same.

  • Dancing Across Borders

    “Look at [life] like going to a really nice restaurant, you take it as a fact that the meal isn’t going to last forever. Never mind if that’s the way it should be, or whether you feel like you’re owed more meal, or you resent the fact that the meal isn’t eternal. It’s just the case that you have this one meal. So it would make sense, wouldn’t it, to try to suck the marrow out of it? To focus on the flavours? To not let yourself be distracted by irritation at the fact that there’s a woman at the next table wearing too much perfume?” – Lauren Tillinghast, quoted in Oliver Burkeman, The Antidote: Happiness For People Who Can’t Stand Positive Thinking

    I enjoyed this Burkeman book more than I expected I would. I’m not a “happiness” seeker, so I generally avoid books that claim to have all the answers for finding it. This book destroys some of the snake oil salespeople out there while reinforcing some philosophy I happen to embrace, including stoicism and Buddhism. But it’s his chapter on Memento mori and his thoughts on letting death seep back into your life that I found most profound. Readers of this blog know this theme well, but it isn’t a morbid fascination as much as a call to action. So dance today! There are no guarantees of tomorrow.

    I’m traveling a lot at the moment. Yesterday Massachusetts, today New York, next week London, then Scotland, and repeat. But start with now, and hope you’re blessed with tomorrow. And today has been very good indeed.

    Which brings me back to this Tillinghast quote. Life should be viewed as a great event, and we should live it as grandly as circumstances allow. Have the wine, savor the meal, indulge in some dessert, maybe have a cordial to cap the night. What a wonderful analogy to a lifetime. Always too brief, but a wonderful experience while you’re having it. So I’ll savor this lovely glass of Tuscan Blend and anticipate the meal I’ve ordered with a toast. Propino tibi! I drink to your health!

  • The Migration

    The skies are filled with masses of migrating birds this time of year. They pirouette in sky dance, beautiful shape shifters creating momentary sculpture of black on blue. Where they’re heading from here I don’t know, but I’m grateful for our moment together before they bring their art show to another stage.

    Another migration takes place on the highways below. Masses of SUV’s heading home from soccer and lacrosse tournaments, or leaf peeping long weekends in the northern states. If the birds offer coordinated air shows that inspire, the highways offer myriad close calls and highly questionable driving behavior. I’ve witnessed multiple tragedies that almost happened today, and can only shake my head in wonder at the decisions of others. But to them I’m an obstacle, driving in a long line of cars at frustratingly variable speed. This isn’t driving that lulls you into meditative bliss, it’s hours of ‘pay attention or suffer the consequences‘ power commuting. And today my migration took me across I-90 West from Worcester, Massachusetts to Batavia, New York with the most distracted, irritable parents and empty nesters Columbus Day Weekend could muster.

    Driving is a pleasure when the environment you’re driving in is predictable and the drive is at highway speed. When one or both condition becomes highly variable, well, it becomes less of a pleasure. But most of us got where we were going without incident, which isn’t exactly shape shifting sky dance, but hey, it’s something.

  • In the Moment

    “Ask yourself at every moment, ‘Is this necessary?’” – Marcus Aurelius

    There are times when I read a page in a book and realize as I reach the end that my mind didn’t make the journey with my eyes. My mind will race along with thoughts of urgency of my own design, distractions of this, that and the other thing. Am I not in a place to be reading these words at this time? Sometimes closing the book and addressing the pressing thoughts is the answer, but other times the answer is to take a deep breath, push aside the noise and refocus the mind. In an inner dialogue version of I’ll turn this car around right now! I tell myself I’m here for this page, and you might as well stick with this, mind of mine.

    I understand why my mind is racing. I have upcoming trips to New York, London and Scotland the next three weeks. Logistics, meeting preparation, and ensuring what I’ll leave behind doesn’t fall apart in my absence consumes me as I read about, of all things, stillness. They say when the student is ready the teacher will appear… in this case the teacher is patiently standing over my desk while the other students giggle and I jolt awake from a daydream.

    We live in a noisy, demanding world, and it feels like your brain is like the close-up shot of the crowd in a tennis match, following the ball this way, then that way, then “Ooohh!” followed by “Woah!” and so on. The next three weeks are pulsing in my thoughts, but I know I’m getting ahead of myself. There was a moment yesterday when I contemplated packing my bag for anticipated Isle of Skye November weather when I caught myself, thinking I’m going to need that bag for a business trip to Rochester, New York beginning tomorrow. Plan for the future, but please, focus on now!

    Which brings me back to… now. I’ve set aside reading Stillness Is The Key to write this blog post. The list of things to do between now and the end of November is expanding rapidly, if only in my mind. I follow the Getting Things Done approach and write it down to get it out of my head, and something else pops up and I write that down in turn. Such is the power of anticipation, but that teacher is standing over my desk again, and I look up slowly from my scattered mindscape to hear her remind me “There’s only now“. Be in the moment. Now: This Sunday in New Hampshire, surrounded by golden leaves lit by morning sun; leaves that will be piled on the ground when you return in three weeks. Make the most of this moment, won’t you? Tomorrow will be there waiting if you should get there.

  • More in Less

    Recently I’ve begun limiting myself to one cup of robust coffee when I brew it with the AeroPress, where I’d previously indulge in a second and often a third. It seems one does the trick, and one more would be too much. The net benefit is less money spent on coffee, fewer trips to the bathroom, and ironically, sharper focus.

    There’s merit in avoiding the things that dull the senses, and embracing the things that electrify the senses. You’ll be the better for having done so. Take for example, a glass of single malt scotch.  It offers so much more in less. Savor it, reflect, take another sip. A little sip of Scotland to brighten your day. And an example of more in less. So I’m trying to take a similar approach to coffee.

    Today feels like a good opportunity to practice brevity.  I’m averaging a little over 400 words per post.  Today’s contribution will lower that average a bit.  So be it. I chip away at it nonetheless. Sometimes less is more?

     

  • On Foliage and the Passing of Time

    “Who made the world?
    Who made the swan, and the black bear?
    Who made the grasshopper?
    This grasshopper, I mean-
    the one who has flung herself out of the grass,
    the one who is eating sugar out of my hand,
    who is moving her jaws back and forth instead of up and down-
    who is gazing around with her enormous and complicated eyes.
    Now she lifts her pale forearms and thoroughly washes her face.
    Now she snaps her wings open, and floats away.
    I don’t know exactly what a prayer is.
    I do know how to pay attention, how to fall down
    into the grass, how to kneel down in the grass,
    how to be idle and blessed, how to stroll through the fields,
    which is what I have been doing all day.
    Tell me, what else should I have done?
    Doesn’t everything die at last, and too soon?
    Tell me, what is it you plan to do
    with your one wild and precious life?”
    —Mary Oliver, ‘The Summer Day’

    Mary Oliver passed away in January this year, at the age of 83.  If I may say it, too soon.  With her passing, her question commands even more urgency than before:

    Tell me, what else should I have done?
    Doesn’t everything die at last, and too soon?
    Tell me, what is it you plan to do
    with your one wild and precious life?”

    This afternoon I drove back from meetings in Boston, flipped open my laptop and diligently followed up on the list of items that demanded my time.  All save one, which required closing the laptop, stepping outside and finding foliage.  New Hampshire glows in orange, yellow and red in October, and I’ve spent entirely too much of the first eleven days of the month indoors or behind the wheel of my car.  So a walk down to a local pond on a gusty day felt more like living than crafting another email for somebody’s spam filter.

    Foliage stirs up memories of autumns past, and I try to push those aside.  Not because the memories aren’t mostly pleasant, but because there’s more than enough living now to occupy my limited brain cells.  And there’s only today; words we all know but seem to push aside for the distraction of the moment.  “What else should I have done?”  Indeed.  Take “what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?” and replace “life” with “day”.  For really, that’s all we have, isn’t it?  The foliage illuminates the cold black water of a small pond nearby, and soon those leaves will float down onto the water, drift along the surface for awhile and then slowly slip quietly under the surface to return to the earth.  The briefness of this life exemplified in a single leaf.  Had I not gone to witness the foliage would the opportunity have been there tomorrow?  Surely that’s a trick question.

  • Solving the Wren Riddle

    I was clearly wrong. My educated guess was off the mark. My attempts at online research failed. Apps I trusted to point me in the right direction flopped. So it goes.

    I’ve written about my attempts to identify a bird I wasn’t familiar with that has moved into the neighborhood. And not just this neighborhood but I’ve heard a similar song on Cape Cod, as if it was following me across the Bourne Bridge, taunting me all along.  After many fruitless searches I’d finally settled on the Brown Thrasher as the most likely candidate, and have referred to the Brown Thrasher ever since.  But it wasn’t a Brown Thrasher at all.  It was a Carolina Wren.

    The Carolina Wren, as the name indicates, is typically seen (and heard) further south of here.  I’ve seen another “southern bird”‘, the Baltimore Oriole, in Massachusetts and New Hamphire, but this was a new song; a song I couldn’t get out of my head until I solved the riddle.  An app that records birds singing and analyzes it like Shazam continually got the wrong answers.  So I tried a different app, and still continually got the wrong answers.  Frustrated, I emailed the .m4a voice file to Chirp, the second app I tried, and they responded within 24 hours with the elusive answer; Carolina Wren.  A quick search online confirmed this was indeed the singer I’d been searching for all season.  It seems the bird song apps use a strong location filter to eliminate matches that wouldn’t normally be found in your area.  And Carolina Wren’s weren’t thought to settle in New Hampshire so Chirp was eliminating it as a choice.  Well, welcome to the Granite State, my southern friend.

    The New York Times recently published an article detailing the decline of North American birds, and followed that with an article detailing birds moving away from natural territory as the climate changes.  New Hampshire’s Purple Finch is apparently considering a move to other climates.  Thankfully the one’s who visit my backyard haven’t felt so inclined as of yet.  But then again, I have this new visitor to my backyard whom I’ve never had before who might be singing that there’s something to this story after all.

    Carolina Wren teasing me with her song, July 2019
  • Theodicy of Trumpists

    I was just contemplating the fact that some people I have a high regard for really like this person in the White House. Nothing ever seems to change their mind about him. And really, …there’s been a lot of things. But then again nothing good that he’s done (?) has changed my low opinion of him either. We believe what we believe and look for any evidence to validate that belief.

    “In theology, the term ‘theodicy’ refers to the effort to maintain belief in a benevolent god, despite the prevalence of evil in the world; the phrase is occasionally used to describe the effort to maintain any belief in the face of contradictory evidence.” – Oliver Burkeman, The Antidote: Happiness for People Who Can’t Stand Positive Thinking

    So maybe theodicy explains this tendency to believe this person in the White House is doing great things. Or maybe some people watch Fox News while I don’t. It tends to shape and validate beliefs for some true wing nuts, including that person in the White House. I do know I’ve come across some hardcore right wing zealots out there, and some equally hardcore left wing extremists. I have no use for either extreme, for there’s no progress to be made with either. Where are the voices in the middle, the advocates for diplomacy and fairness? Where’s the common sense approach to the environment and other critical issues of our time? There’s no room for reason in media, where ratings, subscribers and clicks per minute rule. Sadly, it’s not in the White House either.

    The response from extremists to that last paragraph would be to condemn me for not having strong convictions. For lacking courage to fight for what is reprehensible on the other extreme. I call bullshit. It takes tremendous courage and conviction to meet people in the middle, to recognize you might not be right about something, and to compromise when it makes sense to do so. Where shall the world go next?

  • A Walk in Time

    Too much indulgence at dinner drove a desire to move, and I went out in the dark night to walk the street.  I’ve walked this street many times over the last twenty years, thinking  too much at times.  For fifteen of those years I had a loyal companion, Bodhi, who was patient with me even as I wasn’t always patient with him.  Labradors want to explore the world on their own terms, and when he was younger I wrestled with his instincts and my selfish desire to keep moving.  As we got older together I learned to slow down, and regret not giving him enough time to linger on the neighborhood dog message boards he inevitably sniffed and marked along the way.  Perhaps he was complaining about the short leash I’d give him, but he wasn’t one to complain much.

    The neighborhood has changed in twenty years.  People come and go, usually from the same houses, while the rest of us anchor the cul du sac with memories of block parties, eventful storms, swarms of kids trick-or-treating on Halloween, and the occasional scandal.  Some quirky people, some gossiping and manipulative hens, some hard chargers, and at least one oddball who walked in the dark at 10 PM every night with his dog.  But we all tended to look out for one another in some fashion.

    Of the hundred or so people who have lived on this street these twenty years, we’ve seen our share of drama.  Three couples divorced, two people went to prison, two women had breast cancer and one man chopped his fingers off trying to clear his snowblower.  They stitched them back on, but it dominated conversation for a few weeks.  But there’s plenty of good on the street too.  Kids who grew up, went to college and became contributing members of society.  Successful careers, at least one book published on the street and one aspiring author working to add another, a locally famous weatherman, and a few recent retirees checking the box on a career.  The American dream, and some of the drawbacks to pursuing it, all on one street.

    The biggest, most expensive home on the street is directly behind my own house.  The cul du sac loops around like a “j” with a long driveway leading back to the big house, creating a “u”.  It’s twice the size of my own home, with a five car garage, movie theater, fitness room and a stunning view of rolling fields of a horse farm.  The long driveway is lined with light poles on either side, which we derisively call the runway when lit up.  The house has changed hands three times in twenty years.  The first owner was a crooked chiropractor who went to prison for a large scale insurance scam he orchestrated.  He built a flashy house, drove both a Hummer and a Dodge Viper and trolled for young women on the streets of Lawrence, Massachusetts while his wife was home raising children.  His house of cards came crashing down and his wife and children had to move out of the neighborhood to a condo in another town while his accommodations were more sparse.  That house has turned twice since then but we still refer to it as the original owners house.

    Walking the street alone at 10 PM doesn’t feel quite right anymore.  The street is the same yet everything is different.  Late evening walks are best done with a companion.  Bodhi is gone, the kids are in different corners of the world, and my bride has surrendered to prime time television.  But I walked anyway, if only to digest a bit, to think, and in the futile hope of seeing a few shooting stars.  Streaky overcast skies offered a glimpse of a few stars and a hazy moon, but wasn’t going to pull the covers off for a proper show.  Just me and the acorns falling.  And memories of twenty years on a single street in New Hampshire.