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    • Holiday Participation Awards

      “So many people walk around with a meaningless life. They seem half-asleep, even when they’re busy doing things they think are important. This is because they’re chasing the wrong things. The way you get meaning into your life is to devote yourself to loving others, devote yourself to your community around you, and devote yourself to creating something that gives you purpose and meaning.” ― Mitch Albom, Tuesdays with Morrie

      At a certain point in our lives the holidays put a spotlight on the relationships we have. I think of it as the Christmas card display. The friends of convenience make up a big part of the display for the time we’re in the same net, but drift away one-by-one as we grow apart. A few stubborn holdouts keep appearing year-after-year, and those folks anticipate a card from us as well. If we’re still sending Christmas cards to people to let them know we’re thinking of them, chances are they’ll send us one to let us know they are thinking of us too. Send our cards early and we’ll receive a batch from the people who wait to see if we’re sending them one before they invest in the stamp for ours. What we don’t want is to time a card to be postmarked after Christmas, so that race to Christmas Eve is a fascinating case study in human dynamics. For people on the edges of our lives, it’s a game of card-for-card, with your participation award taped to the door frame until a few days into New Year.

      We all know that old expression, “the phone works both ways”, but taken literally, it’s a way of letting ourselves off the hook. We often say it when we’ve lost touch with someone who was always in touch. People drift apart as interests change. There’s no getting around the fact that some people are friends of convenience. School friends, teammates, coworkers, neighbors, soccer parents… all friends of convenience until that netting that holds us together is removed. That’s when we find out who we’re going to invest time in, and who is going to invest time in us. If we don’t like our investments, change the portfolio.. and the Christmas card list. It helps to remember that others are making their lists in a similar fashion. Be the person who receives a card because we’re worthy of it, not because we sent one to them. And accept that some people simply don’t play the game and love them anyway.

      What is the purpose of life? Isn’t it active participation? Humans are tribal, and built to help other humans exist in a universe indifferent to any form of life, let alone our particularly self-absorbed form of life. What makes life meaningful is stepping up and being part of things. To be loved we ought to love. We ought to be in the mix, engaged with others as best we can be in our time. What’s a stamp anyway? Send the card. Or make the call. Reach out and see how people are really doing as we close out another year. We may just surprise a few people who thought we were the ones who had drifted away.

    • Going Our Way

      “What do you think of yourself? What do you think of the world? Are you a mere machine, and is your consciousness, as has been said, a mere resultant? Is the world a mere fact suggesting nothing beyond itself worth thinking about? These are questions with which all must deal as it seems good to them. They are riddles of the Sphinx, and in some way or other we must deal with them. If we decide to leave them unanswered, that is a choice. If we waver in our answer, that too is a choice; but whatever choice we make, we make it at our peril. If a man chooses to turn his back altogether on God and the future, no one can prevent him. No one can show beyond all reasonable doubt that he is mistaken. If a man thinks otherwise, and acts as he thinks, I do not see how anyone can prove that he is mistaken. Each must act as he thinks best, and if he is wrong so much the worse for him. We stand on a mountain pass in the midst of whirling snow and blinding mist, through which we get glimpses now and then of paths which may be deceptive. If we stand still, we shall be frozen to death. If we take the wrong road, we shall be dashed to pieces. We do not certainly know whether there is any right one. What must we do? ‘Be strong and of a good courage.’ Act for the best, hope for the best, and take what comes. Above all, let us dream no dreams, and tell no lies, but go our way, wherever it may lead, with our eyes open and our heads erect. If death ends all, we cannot meet it better. If not, let us enter whatever may be the next scene like honest men, with no sophistry in our mouths and no masks on our faces.” — Fitz James Stephen, Liberty, Equality, Fraternity

      We must do our best to find our way in the storm, going our way with faith that it’s the right path. We ought to be true to ourselves in this quest and proceed with eyes wide open. Above all, we must keep moving forward, despite the whirl of confusion and chaos that life throws our way. Perhaps religion is the compass that points the way, or maybe philosophy. Maybe the way is unsaid at all, but a series of norms and values developed into a personal code of living that remains unsanctioned by church and state but works for us in our lifetime. When we live in a free society we get to choose. We ought to appreciate this knowing that not everyone has this freedom to live without a mask.

      Stephen was a champion for law and morality, writing Liberty, Equality, Fraternity as an argument against the utilitarianism of John Stuart Mill. Essentially saying to have some moral core and structure in your life instead of simply pursuing happiness and “what feels good in the moment”. Mill wasn’t promoting decadence, but the intellectual freedom to stray off the rigid path others built for us to travel down. Who says they knew the way? Well, they did.

      When we look around at the world of today, it feels like the [free] world has tipped decidedly towards trying to be happy versus being purposefully and morally focused. When we hear people talk of morality nowadays, we view it with skepticism more often than not because there’s so many damned charlatans out there it’s hard to take anyone’s moral code at face value. Still, there’s so much unhappiness in the world. If everyone were happy there’d be no need for people saying they know the way.

      Ultimately, we ought to lean into doing the right thing, and not simply following someone who says that they know the way. But how do we find that right path? That’s the trick, isn’t it? The answer develops through learning which paths are available to us, which are dead ends or lead off a cliff, and which lead us to the promised land (whatever that means to us). No wonder people are frozen in place—there’s simply no shortcut to enlightenment and self-understanding. We must go our own way and find out in the going.

      The thing is, we tend to overcomplicate things. Intellectual debates about morality and law versus utilitarianism and liberalism is simply people like us trying to figure it all out, but with a superior vocabulary and an inclination towards exceedingly long paragraphs. There’s truth and insight on both sides of the debate, and we may choose the best of everything when plotting our own course out of the storm. We ought to appreciate the opportunity to choose while giving other’s reasonable freedom to choose their path as well. Go your own way, I’ll go mine, and let’s not infringe on each other’s path to enlightenment. We’ll see how it all turns out in the end.

    • Playing Possum

      Last night I got to experience something for the very first time. The pup, now eight months old and keenly observant of all that moves in her kingdom, spotted an opossum nibbling on fallen birdseed a second before me. It seems opossums don’t run nearly as fast as an excited mutt. The gap was closed in an instant and the pup was on top of the opossum before I could reach her. Sure enough, the opossum looked like road kill with its tongue halfway out the mouth and twisted oddly out of wack. It looked like a crime scene minus the blood. The dog thankfully lost interest right away and began sniffing around for something else nearly as exciting. Suspecting our newfound neighbor was faking it, I got the dog inside the house and took her for a walk on the street instead. After the walk I took the flashlight out to investigate and sure enough, the opossum had awoken from its tonic immobility and moved on to safer places.

      Tonic immobility is an automatic reflex to high stress situations. It’s playing dead, but without the playing. The opossum wasn’t just lying there with its eyes closed and mouth open, it was unconscious for a period of time to allow the danger to disappear. Puppies like squeaky toys. When the toy didn’t squeak the pup looked for something more fun to chase. The Wikipedia link above is informative, and points to all sorts of creatures who go into a state of tonic immobility when they’re stressed.

      Humans can also reach a similar state when fainting. I once watched a bridesmaid faint in the middle of a ceremony on the beach just as the happy couple were about to say “I do”. I watched a groom faint in the middle of his own vows at a different wedding ceremony. It seems weddings are high-stress environments for some humans. I’ve never seen anyone playing dead at a wedding, but I’ve witnessed some marriages that were dead on arrival.

      Fainting may make the problem go away, but usually not. When we are in extremely stressful situations we ought to stay conscious. We ought to keep our wits about us, as the saying goes. Slow, deep breaths help greatly to calm us down, but it’s a hard state to achieve when you’re being chased by a bear or are experiencing something equally catastrophic. Being more resilient through practiced breathing may help, and thinking through what we might do in the worst case scenarios is likely our best option. When it feels like it’s not our first rodeo, we’re less likely to be frozen immobile when things are turned upside down.

      This morning I turned on the outdoor spotlights, looked around and then waited a beat before opening the door. If dogs could roll their eyes at their humans I’m sure that’s what the pup would have done to me in the moment. I smiled at her and let her out to chase her own dreams with a bit of assurance that the scene would be a little better than last night. One crime scene per week is my limit.

    • Pick Your Moment

      “Pick your moment and the sea will do what it can for you, however small the boat and however unpracticed the helm. The wind was steady on the beam, and as it says in the old Gaelic song, it felt as if Freyja ‘would cut a thin oat straw with the excellence of her going.’

      This moment of ecstatic ease is the significant historical fact. Anywhere that can be reached on a calm day will be reached. What matters is the invitation, not the threat, and if there is an opening, people will take it…

      The peopling of the Shiants is only one fragment of an endless chain. That is why this crossing of a potentially alarming sea, at a moment which is picked because the weather is kind and the spring is coming, because the tide is running with you and the sun is out, when you can see where you are going and you have everything you need, is one of the deepest of all historical experiences. Don’t imagine the past as a place full of catastrophe and horror. This is its colour: a chance fairly taken, a sense of happiness in the light of spring. The Minch is laced with the wakes of ancestors and this wonderful, easy-limbed stirring of Freyja on the long Atlantic swell is a stirring of the past. I smile in the boat now and open my face to the warmth of the sun and the shining of the sky.” — Adam Nicolson, Sea Room

      “While you see a chance, take it.” — Steve Winwood

      When shall we leap? When is that moment when we look around and say, “It’s now or never” and go beyond our norm? We each have these moments in our lives when we see the gap and decide it’s not all that far of a leap after all. Perhaps we’ve closed it with growth. Perhaps we’ve built a strong enough foundation that it’s not so much a leap as it is a natural next step. Perhaps. But there’s still that gap… until finally we close it. Or perhaps we reach our limit, never to be closed. What will it be?

      The breathtaking beauty of Nicolson’s prose was masterfully set up in story-after-story of tragedy at sea. Of “the Stream of the Blue Men” that is the unpredictable and unforgiving Minch sinking boats and taking the lives of leapers for centuries before. We know of places like this—places that will take the lives of the unprepared and unlucky alike. Mountains and oceans, whole continents full of wild things. Flight and now space. Frontiers are meant to be conquered, as they say. The gap between who we are and what we’ll become are meant to be closed. What matters is the invitation, not the threat. This is the way we progress. Just pick your moment.

      But don’t wait forever. The gap is our game, but the clock is our nemesis. We aren’t getting any younger, friend. Tempus fugit: carpe diem. We ought to leap when the leaping looks good.

    • Reading Good Books

      “The art of not reading is a very important one. It consists in not taking an interest in whatever may be engaging the attention of the general public at any particular time. When some political or ecclesiastical pamphlet, or novel, or poem is making a great commotion, you should remember that he who writes for fools always finds a large public. A precondition for reading good books is not reading bad ones: for life is short.” ― Arthur Schopenhauer, Essays and Aphorisms

      This year, speeding right along as it does, is reminding me that the reading has slowed considerably. When the year is done I’ll have read fewer books than I did a year ago, but on the whole better books. Foundational books, pointed to by authors I’ve admired in quotes and breathless recollection. Some history, some philosophy, some great fiction and some regional travel books too. But very few of what used to be called dime store novels—those books that were cheap, popular and formulaic. It’s not that they aren’t fun to read now and then, it’s that they keep me from reading something better.

      To keep improving we must continue to find and consume the most nutritious ideas we can feed our minds. But we can’t stop there, for ideas left adrift are doomed to float away on a sea of words, forever lost in the noise. We must write about the things we encounter, re-read key passages to understand and then make something of them. To become a better person we must raise the average—our average.

      To be an avid reader, we need to have a lifestyle that supports reading. Comfortable chairs in well-lit spaces are wonderful, but it’s more than where we place our bottom—it’s how comfortable we are in that space to open up a portal to another world right there and then. I can read just as easily in a cramped middle seat in coach as I can in a leather recliner in warm natural lighting. To immerse ourselves in anything we’ve got to feel comfortable enough in the act to take the plunge. The people who surround us are more essential to this than any architectural detail. The driver’s seat in our automobiles are a great place to read architecturally, until we start driving and must pay attention to more important things (perhaps someone can mention that to the people with their noses in their phone zipping along in the high speed lane?).

      Once we’ve established a supportive reading environment, we ought to continue raising the bar on what we read. I’m a big fan of a few e-book writers for the page-turner fiction they write, but like sugar I’ve learned that a little goes a long way while a lot will have negative consequences. A healthy ratio of nutrition balances out the empty calories. Better choices in reading material lifts us to places unseen previously. Our view expands as we rise higher and higher up the stack of books.

      It’s too soon for a best books of the year summary, for there’s still a few strong candidates on the shelf awaiting their turn. But looking back at the year, I’m pleased with the best of the books I’ve read for the life-changing impact they’re having. The very best books, no matter the genre, lift us up in this way. The magic in reading is finding the gold. Sure, we may stumble upon a gem on the surface now and then, but to find the richest content we’ve got to mine deeper.

      It’s true that not reading is an art in itself. A useful filter we ought to apply more often in favor of better choices. Choosing to read, but digesting better reads. Tempus fugit: time flies. So read the great stuff first. Perhaps it will be that gem we’ll want to ponder and write about ourselves.

    • The Failover Game

      “Wind extinguishes a candle and energizes fire. Likewise with randomness, uncertainty, chaos: you want to use them, not hide from them. You want to be the fire and wish for the wind.”
      ― Nassim Nicholas Taleb, Antifragile: Things that Gain from Disorder

      When the world is runnin’ down
      You make the best of what’s still around
      — The Police, When The World Is Running Down

      I’m not a stockbroker or day trader betting against the market, but I imagine a few of them have that Taleb quote taped to their computer monitors. No, I’m simply a fan of being more antifragile in a world that is a bit chaotic at times. As this is published, I’ve been forced off the grid. December storms rolled up the East Coast of the United States and eventually arrived in New Hampshire, knocking out power in some communities, including the one I call home. Lucky me.

      A bit of resiliency goes a long way when you own a home, and having a generator or battery backup is essential to maintaining some measure of normalcy when things go dark. Solar panels can charge battery banks that in turn offer clean backup power when the power grid fails you. Whole house and portable generators offer a reliable, if louder, alternative. Judging by the neighborhood when the power goes out, the clear winner is the portable generator. Most purchased in desperation during some previous storm outage. So it goes with such things—we don’t think about resiliency and failover options until we’re faced with an urgent need for it.

      Some people don’t have that luxury. Boaters need a backup should the engine fail. Even sailors need power for communication and to keep the perishables from perishing (food and people alike). Failover engines, generators and batteries offer quiet insurance for the moment things go awry. My friends over on Fayaway have several blog posts describing their redundant systems. On a sailboat the engine itself is redundant, as they’d clearly prefer to be sailing. Steering systems, communication systems, propulsion systems and in the absolute worst case, staying afloat systems are just some of their redundant systems.

      A strong failover game can save the day on a boat, in a remote cabin, on a hike to potentially lethal places, in the automobile we commute to work in, and yes, on a quiet cul du sac in New Hampshire. We ought to apply this to our finances, our support network and anything else that would be really unpleasant or catastrophic should it fail. Every life should have a primary plan with at least one contingency plan, for we are playing chess in this lifetime, not checkers.

      Asking ourselves, “What is the worst that would happen if X happened?” leads to answers on how to mitigate the impact of that worst case scenario. We all learned a bit about resiliency during the pandemic, didn’t we? The world is a bit off-kilter nowadays, don’t you think? Weather, wars, political upheaval, active shooters and the occasional shark attack. When the world is runnin’ down, you make the best of what’s still around.

      We must continuously build more resiliency into our life. A life jacket is not worn as a fashion statement, and a backup plan is never a waste of our time, even if never used. So be prepared, as any Boy Scout would insist. Be the fire that wishes for the wind.

    • The Warm Glow

      You start dying slowly
      if you do not travel,
      if you do not read,
      If you do not listen to the sounds of life,
      If you do not appreciate yourself.
      You start dying slowly
      When you kill your self-esteem;
      When you do not let others help you.
      You start dying slowly
      If you become a slave of your habits,
      Walking everyday on the same paths…
      If you do not change your routine,
      If you do not wear different colours
      Or you do not speak to those you don’t know.
      You start dying slowly
      If you avoid to feel passion
      And their turbulent emotions;
      Those which make your eyes glisten
      And your heart beat fast.
      You start dying slowly
      If you do not change your life when you are not satisfied with your job, or with your love,
      If you do not risk what is safe for the uncertain,
      If you do not go after a dream,
      If you do not allow yourself,
      At least once in your lifetime,
      To run away from sensible advice.
      ― Martha Medeiros, A Morte Devagar

      One ought to drop the mic and walk away after a quote like this, but a blog isn’t simply leaving the words of others on a post and none of our own. We ought to contribute something in our time, especially when prompted so vibrantly. And it should be noted, we ought to live largely, that we might have something to say about the matter when prompted in such a way.

      Taking stock of the year, do we feel gratitude for the experiences we’ve had? Have we tried new recipes and dishes? Gone to performances that took our breath away? Visited places near and far just to see what all the fuss was about? Have we gathered with loved ones and laughed with friends? I hope so for you, and it surely has been so for me. May we all feel the warm glow of a life well-lived.

      They say that firewood warms us three times: when we cut it, when we split it and finally when we burn it. Life is similar, isn’t it? We are warmed by memories of a good life, warmed by how we live our life today, and warmed with a sense of hope for the future. So by all means, we must keep the journal and take the photographs, be bold in our choices today, and make those reservations for those experiences of tomorrow with the hope that we’ll arrive to dance with it.

    • Moving Forward

      A long time
      It’s taken me
      But I’ve figured out
      Now to some degree
      This life
      It happens fast
      I’ll enjoy the time in this hour glass
      Yes I will will will oh yes I will
      
Yeah, I’ve looked
      And what I see
      It’s not what’ve been
      It’s whatcha gonna be
      ‘Cause this world
      We’re walking through
      It’ll dig you out
      Or will bury you
      — Layup, I’m Alive

      The other day my bride and I went out to a local place for dinner and conversation. We secured two seats at the bar right away and celebrated our small victory with cocktails. The gent at the barstool next to me was talkative and we began chatting about the menu and local restaurants and eventually got down to the truth of the matter. He was divorced and alone on a Friday night and missing his wife and kids. He was filling holes in his life wherever he could, but not the biggest hole in his life. Not yet friend, but keep moving forward: This too shall pass.

      Bono and U2 wrote a song about his friend Michael Hutchence from INXS after the latter’s suicide. Hutchence seemed to have it all, but spiraled into a place where he killed himself despite fame, fortune, good looks and good friends. As Bono observed,

      You’ve got yourself stuck in a moment
      And you can’t get out of it

      The whole point of being alive is to grow and to keep reaching for our potential. There will be plenty of setbacks and hurdles along the way that make it all feel meaningless and futile. It’s all part of the climb. Our story in the end is not who we were, but who we become despite it all. The trick is to keep moving forward to that someone better. It’s usually closer than we believe in the moment.

      Moving forward doesn’t mean forgetting the lessons of the past. For those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it, as George Santayana stated so well. We are the sum of all of our parts; the good, the bad and the ugly. It takes time to find all three within us, and to push aside the aspects of our identity we don’t want to dance with anymore. The thing is, when we take that weight off our shoulders we become lighter on our feet, more nimble, and in turn, more alive.

    • The Audacity to Give It a Go

      I want a life measured
      in first steps on foreign soils
      and deep breaths
      in brand new seas
      I want a life measured
      in Welcome Signs,
      each stamped
      with a different name,
      borders marked with metal and paint.
      Show me the streets
      that don’t know the music
      of my meandering feet,
      and I will play their song
      upon them.
      Perfume me please
      in the smells of far away,
      I will never wash my hair
      if it promises to stay.
      I want a life measured
      in the places I haven’t gone,
      short sleeps on long flights,
      strange voices teaching me
      new words to
      describe the dawn.
      — Tyler Knott Gregson, I Want a Life Measured

      I’ve gotten out of the habit of traveling on a whim to whatever comes of the search, “waterfall near me” and “historical site near me”. Lately I’ve been tied to the desk more, with the puppy guarding me awaiting any indication that it’s time to go out and play. The thing is, shouldn’t it always be time to go out and play? We ought to build more adventures into our days.

      Yesterday, I had the beginnings of such an adventure, finding a trailhead near a meeting I was attending. Near a place I’d been a hundred times and never heard the whisper for the din of highway traffic and places to go. A trailhead that promised waterfalls and crisp, slippery December walking. I wore the appropriate footwear and got myself to the trailhead hoping to see at least one of the two waterfalls on the trail. I ran out of time and saw neither, but got a quick hike in anyway. I’ll consider it recon for the next time I’m in the area. Adventures partially fulfilled are better than no adventure at all. The audacity to give it a go is itself a measure of a larger life.

      What stirs us? Reaching the waterfall or the act of reaching out for it? Surely both, but any adventure begins with beginning. When we seek out more adventure in our lives, we generally find it. Every step out into it is an invitation to go further still. And even on those days when we have to turn back towards what is expected of us, the conspiracy of the adventurous spirit remains, whispering “try again another day”.

    • So Much to Admire

      I know, you never intended to be in this world.
      But you’re in it all the same.

      So why not get started immediately.

      I mean, belonging to it.
      There is so much to admire, to weep over.

      And to write music or poems about.

      Bless the feet that take you to and fro.
      Bless the eyes and the listening ears.
      Bless the tongue, the marvel of taste.
      Bless touching.

      You could live a hundred years, it’s happened.
      Or not.
      I am speaking from the fortunate platform
      of many years,
      none of which, I think, I ever wasted.
      Do you need a prod?
      Do you need a little darkness to get you going?
      Let me be as urgent as a knife, then,
      and remind you of Keats,
      so single of purpose and thinking, for a while,
      he had a lifetime.
      — Mary Oliver, The Fourth Sign of the Zodiac

      Whispers from a poet, reminding us of the urgency of the moment. Tempus fugit… time flies. Go out and live boldly. Observe and be stirred—get right in the mix. And create something meaningful that might stand on it’s own. It’s a formula for living often repeated here, in this blog about doing all of these things. My daily reminder to not waste a second on the trivial, shared with those who wish to go along for the ride.

      The thing is, when we read the stoics, when we immerse ourselves in poetry and philosophy, in nature and travel, and most of all in the audacious act of heightened awareness, we too begin to live. Less of our own time is wasted. We become hungry for more and more experience, with a burning desire to share it with all who will listen and see for themselves. By opening the senses we let the magic in.

      “Ignorance is not bliss; it’s a missed opportunity.“ — Adam Nicolson, Sea Room

      There’s a price for ignorance paid in unfulfilled wonder and delight. There’s so much to do still. So much to admire. Like that of a poet no longer with us, it’s a whisper (or a shout) to make now count. We’re just part of the choir, singing our part, reminding the congregation to dance with the miracle of life with all the enthusiasm we can muster.