Alexandersmap

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    • Useful in the Doing

      “We, I think, in these times, have had lessons enough of the futility of criticism. Our young people have thought and written much on labor and reform, and for all that they have written, neither the world nor themselves have got on a step. Intellectual tasting of life will not supersede muscular activity.” — Ralph Waldo Emerson, Experience

      This I know to be true: sweat equity in any endeavor is the best way to invest in ourselves, to say nothing of the endeavor. When we labor for something more than ourselves we have a stake in the game. There’s no better way to live in this fragile moment than to be invested in it.

      Lately I’ve noticed a tendency to publish later in the day than I used to. This is largely a symptom of filling my mornings with more purpose. I expect that my schedule will settle back into a normal routine soon enough, hopefully not at the expense of purpose but by leaning into structure. Time will tell, but I know I will be rolling up my sleeves and doing my part for as long as my health allows. May that be far longer than the norm.

      As I write this, I’ve walked more than 30,000 steps today in service to things bigger than myself. Is that cause for celebration? Of course not, but it signals a well-spent day. We are placed on this earth either to occupy space or to be useful. Give me useful.

    • The Shift From Intelligence to Wisdom

      “When you are young, you have raw smarts; when you are old, you have wisdom. When you are young, you can generate lots of facts; when you are old, you know what they mean and how to use them…. if you can repurpose your professional life to rely more on crystallized intelligence—your peak will come later but your decline will happen much, much later, if ever.” — Arthur C. Brooks, From Strength to Strength

      Raymond Cattell theorized that we have two kinds of intelligence: fluid intelligence, which includes problem solving, reasoning and logic, and crystallized intelligence, which is the wisdom to draw upon our accumulated knowledge and derive what to make if it all. If fluid intelligence is exhibited by start-up hustle and eager undergraduate students devouring information, crystallized intelligence is more the consultant swooping in to help a business define their why, or a professor guiding those undergrads towards enlightenment.

      In my career, I’ve been the eager hustler trying to do as much as I could in the world, and I’ve become the person trying to make sense of it all. It’s probably no coincidence that I began this blog when I reached some measure of crystallized intelligence. Surely it would be nothing but fish and chips reviews (ie: discovery) were I still in that fluid intelligence stage. Ten years ago I was still taking exams to add certification credentials to my resume. I wouldn’t dream of playing that game today. Does that make me an old dog unwilling to learn new tricks, or someone who realizes my best game isn’t about that particular trick?

      The thing is, we can still be eager students of life at any age. We can seek wisdom when we’re young and solve problems when we grow old, but it helps greatly to optimize our lives around our strengths in the phase of life we find ourselves in. To be useful and productive means something different at 25, 50 and 75. we ought to dance with our strengths and mitigate the impact of the absence of those strengths we haven’t arrived at yet, or have faded as we change.

      Brooks’ premise is that achievers often fight the natural decline in fluid intelligence instead of embracing the accumulated wisdom and potential of crystallized intelligence. This leads to frustration at best and bitterness at seeing the world pass us by at worst. The answer seems to be finding a groove that matches the music playing on our particular playlist, and dance with that. The tune changes as we change, but it’s music just the same.

    • The Beauty in Useful

      “Why is art beautiful? Because it is useless. Why is life ugly? Because it is all aims and purposes and intentions…. The beauty of ruins? The fact that they were no longer of any use. The sweetness of the past? Being able to remember it, because to remember the past is to make it the present again, and the past is not and cannot be the present — the absurd, my love, the absurd.” — Fernando Pessoa, The Book of Disquiet

      “My father said to me, ‘Be useful.’ Useful not only to yourself, but useful to your neighborhood, your country, the world. It entails everything.” — Arnold Schwarzenegger, from Men’s Health

      If art is beautiful because it’s useless, does that same criteria apply to a lifetime? What make life beautiful anyway? Is it spontaneity and happenstance or structure and purpose? Doesn’t a lifetime require a bit of both?

      When we systematize our lives we are adding routines that sustain us and increase our effectiveness. Routines don’t have to mean our lives are routine. If a purposeful and intentional life is an ugly life to Pessoa, I would argue it shines a light on our lives, making them more beautiful. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, after all. A painter may find rigid conformity to accepted rules ugly and confining, while an architect or structural engineer finds great beauty in the very same rule.

      We are, each of us, mere memories in the making. What will make our lives beautiful is largely up to us, and it may inspire others. Usefulness is a ripple across time and space. It magnifies our presence into something tangible. Whether we swim in a small pond or a vast ocean, we make a ripple. Done well, a lifetime can be quite beautiful indeed. And isn’t our lifetime our most essential work of art?

    • Free to Find

      ‘When someone is searching, then it can easily happen that the only thing his eyes see is that for which he is searching. He is then unable to find anything or let any thought enter his mind because he always thinks of nothing but the object of his search. He is obsessed by a goal; searching means having a goal. But finding means: being free, open, and having no goal.” — Hermann Hesse, Siddhartha

      It occurred to me at one point in my life that I’d read a lot of books, heard many a commencement speech, and listened to countless podcast interviews and Ted talks. These were all forms of seeking, but how much do we incorporate the information we digest into our routines? What have we really found? Is the search merely a distraction from doing the real work of building a life?

      We reach a point, if we’re lucky, when we stop searching at all, and simply become open to what comes into our lives. That doesn’t mean being rudderless, but accepting of the twists and turns that life throws along the path. The path remains, but as the purpose, not as a way to it.

      When you stop searching so much and immerse into the found, life becomes clearer. That doesn’t mean it becomes easier, for those twists and turns demand navigation, but you spend less time looking around for answers. The focus becomes this step on the path, and what’s been in front of you all along.

    • On Friendship

      “Numerous studies have shown that one of the great markers for happiness among people at midlife and beyond is people who can rattle off the names of a few authentic, close friends.” — Arthur C. Brooks, From Strength to Strength

      I spoke with a man I barely knew for almost an hour as he wept into his phone, talking about the betrayal he felt when he discovered one of his closest friends had been consistently lying to him. I felt the same way about this person, but the difference was I’d never considered him a friend at all, but a brother. We choose our friends, family is determined by fate. Neither of us would ever truly trust this character as we had before, and I felt he had the worst of the bargain. He’d lost one if his best friends. But he may have gained another in the grieving process.

      I’m lucky to count a few people as good friends and two as best friends. This doesn’t happen in a vacuum—we must be great friends to earn them in our lives. Life cannot be all take and no give. A spirit of generosity is returned in spades by like-minded people, and not at all by some. The trick is to navigate the latter while we hold dear the former. A lifetime of happiness begins with having the right people in our lives.

      This goes beyond our spouses. A strong marriage built on mutual trust and respect is an important part of a rewarding life, but it isn’t always in the cards for some people. The trend seems to be away from marriage for younger people, and I see a lot of amazing older people who never quite find the perfect partner. The essential element for happiness and fulfillment is a small and intimate network of deep friendships.

      Marriage to the right person was the best decision I’ve ever made in my lifetime, but a close second was nurturing the right people for me as friends. People who challenge me, tolerate my odd tendencies and offer sage advice when necessary. We’ve seen each other through divorces and death, parenthood and career changes. Through it all we’ve gained a cadence of trust and familiarity that we know will be there for the next big thing life throws our way.

      I tell my children that there are two kinds of friends: friends of convenience and friends who will be there for you until the end. As we move through stages in our lives this becomes apparent, busy as we all are in this crazy world. Those few essential friendships are the foundation for a happier and more vibrant life. Deep friendships are the gift of presence and commitment, mutually exchanged for a lifetime.

    • To All That Is Great in Us

      “Death destroys a man, but the idea of death saves him—that is the best account of it that has been yet given. Squalor and tragedy can beckon to all that is great in us; and strengthen the wings of love.” ― E.M. Forster, Howards End

      We are, each of us, on borrowed time. There’s no denying that, even as we prefer to focus on other things in our lives. The reminder, Memento mori, necessarily prods us to the urgency of action. It’s now or never.

      We all, each of us, have greatness within us. There’s no denying the unique mix of billion year old carbon, energy and magic that came together to spit each of us out onto the dance for for our singular tango with life. We either draw upon that greatness or squander it in all the ways humans are great at squandering: procrastination, distraction, sloth, mis-directed prioritization, etc. We are the sum of what we put in to the time we have, divided by the forces that act upon us. We can’t control everything, but we can control some things.

      I don’t have all the answers. In fact, I really have no idea how today will turn out, let alone the balance of my time on this planet. But I know I can influence certain outcomes with my full attention. Maybe that’s enough to tap into that evasive greatness. Surely I may get closer for having tried.

    • The Right Kind of Virtues

      “It occurred to me that there were two sets of virtues, the résumé virtues and the eulogy virtues. The résumé virtues are the skills you bring to the marketplace. The eulogy virtues are the ones that are talked about at your funeral — whether you were kind, brave, honest or faithful. Were you capable of deep love?” — David Brooks, “The Moral Bucket List” The New York Times

      Do you ever wonder, what people say about us when we pass? Isn’t it directly related to how much we lean into the right virtue? We might work hard all of our life, focused and disciplined, and successful by most any measure of that word, and still not live a life that is fulfilling and meaningful to others.

      Is striving to be virtuous about resume building or character building? Are we building a list of career highlights and an office in the C-suite or are we building a moral foundation that others will point to as a model for living? Just what do we want to be remembered for anyway? A life of meaning and purpose is a life of service to others.

      How is someone developed in such a way that they’re a contributor and builder instead of a corrosive sapper of joy and trust? It begins with flipping attention from ego to empathy. Easier said than done in a world where the self is so celebrated, but absolutely essential to growing into a person who is reliable, trustworthy and willing to roll up their sleeves and do the hard work.

      There is a recipe for building a strong character. It begins with the way we’re raised and the social network around us. In the way others perceive the world and how they in turn influence how we perceive it. Stir in a proper informal education: being well-traveled and worldly, and well-read and articulate surely help build empathy and understanding. Developing strong listening skills and the inclination and moral courage to rise to the moment when nobody else will.

      When someday we pass from this world, what do we want people to say about us? Will anyone remember the extra work we put in to finish that project, or will the memory be about being fully present for our children and significant other at the most important events in their lives? Will we be remembered as being a good friend or sibling, a great neighbor who looked out for others, or as that person who was never really there when it really mattered?

      A life of service to others isn’t always easy, but it matters a great deal. These moments add up, and will create a ripple that will be felt by others. The person with the most toys in the end doesn’t win, they’ve simply gathered a bunch of stuff that will end up in an estate plan for someone else. Isn’t the real goal to have our lives resonate for those around us, that we’ll be deeply missed when our time comes to an end?

    • Truth and Consequences

      “Betrayal is the only truth that sticks.” — Arthur Miller

      When someone lies to you, how do you react when the betrayal is revealed? Can we ever truly trust the person again? Do we run through the lies, making them forever a soundtrack in our memories? Or are we somehow grateful for the truth finally surfacing?

      We usually know, deep down, when someone is untrustworthy. We’ve got a sense for the scoundrels amongst us. Yet each of us is framed by the lies someone has told us, sometimes never learning the truth, sometimes learning too late. Entire histories are built on slanted versions of the truth. We are, each of us, fooled by someone. That doesn’t make us fools, it makes us humans with faith in the best in others.

      Ultimately we must reconcile the truth of the matter, however it’s presented to us. Rising above the hurt and betrayal to find a place of peace with ourselves and the people we once trusted. That doesn’t mean trusting them again, but finding some middle ground between truth and the consequences of what was once believed.

    • Never Perfect, Always Delivered

      Some habits seem to go on no matter what. Others fall by the wayside at the first sign of trouble. If habits define who we are and where we’re going, then a good habit ought to be next to impossible to break, while a bad habit should be made as fragile as we can make it. Were it only so easy.

      The very existence of this blog relies on the habit of writing every day. That writing has been challenged over and over again since it became an essential part of my routine, yet it keeps on rolling. But some days it feels like the wheels will come off, either today or soon enough. Everything ends someday, right? Even the most deeply-rooted of routines. So it goes.

      But not just yet.

      “Too often, we fall into an all-or-nothing cycle with our habits. The problem is not slipping up; the problem is thinking that if you can’t do something perfectly, then you shouldn’t do it at all.” ― James Clear, Atomic Habits

      These daily blog posts have never been perfect, but they are an essential part of this writer’s identity. Whether a thousand people read it or nobody but the proof-reader (who doubles as writer), this is what I’ll do while I can do it. Never perfect, but always delivered with the best effort I can muster in the moment. Consistently putting it out there was always the point.

      So here it is. Again. Thanks.

    • New Places

      “Like silence after noise, or cool, clear water on a hot, stuffy day, Emptiness cleans out the messy mind and charges up the batteries of spiritual energy. Many people are afraid of Emptiness, however, because it reminds them of Loneliness.” ― Benjamin Hoff, The Tao of Pooh

      I picked up a beautiful stone on a rocky beach the other day, as I often do in such places, to add it to a pot of stones I’ve got from around the world. I realized that most of the stones I’ve accumulated while doing this mean nothing more to me than curious novelties, yet I keep acquiring stones from places I’ve been just the same. It’s not logical, but it is my way of saving a piece of each beautiful place I’ve been. Better than a shot glass or a t-shirt, I suppose.

      Lately I’ve been working to reconcile the fact that I’ve been adding more than subtracting. This is a natural activity for many people in the western world: more stuff, more experiences, more accomplishments, more, more, more… We pick up stuff as casually as we load food on at the buffet table. And it’s not just stuff, it’s responsibilities and commitments, work load, home improvement projects, and on and on. We pile on all of these things as we accumulate experience and live our lives.

      When we fill our lives we leave little room for ourselves to emerge. We’re in there somewhere, under the pile of stuff we’ve heaped on our shoulders. A boat needs an anchor to hold it to solid ground, but if you add enough anchors the boat will sink. Do you ever get that sinking feeling? Let something go from your life and feel released.

      Recently I added a puppy to my life. This can be seen as another added responsibility and maybe one anchor too many. Then again, maybe it was the anchor I needed. What’s clear in getting acquainted with her is that other anchors may need to be tossed aside that this ship may stay afloat. And this is how we grow in new directions in different seasons of our lives. We encounter new and different things that carry us to new places.