Alexandersmap

    Category: Lifestyle

    • An Expansive Life

      “For all that has been,
      Thank you.

      For all that is to come,
      Yes!”
      — Dag Hammarskjold

      I write this with anticipation for the day. No doubt it may go as it has every year on this day, but then again it may be completely different. We’ll know when we get there. And the feelings that stir within, that combined sense of possibility and unease, are part of the experience.

      We learn to be grateful for the ripe potential the moment offers, as much as we celebrate the successful completion of that moment. Plan a trip, sign up for a race, or schedule any significant event in your life and it triggers an escalating anticipation of what will be. The emotional roller coaster that ensues is as much a part of living an expansive life as checking the box afterwards.

      Tell me, what is life without something to look forward to?

    • The Restless Surge

      Little one, you have been buzzing in the books,
      Flittering in the newspapers and drinking beer with lawyers
      And amid the educated men of the clubs you have been getting an earful of speech from trained tongues.
      Take an earful from me once, go with me on a hike
      Along sand stretches on the great inland sea here
      And while the eastern breeze blows on us and the restless surge
      Of the lake waves on the breakwater breaks with an ever fresh monotone,
      Let us ask ourselves: What is truth? what do you or I know?
      How much do the wisest of the world’s men know about where the massed human procession is going?

      You have heard the mob laughed at?
      I ask you: Is not the mob rough as the mountains are rough?
      And all things human rise from the mob and relapse and rise again as rain to the sea?
      — Carl Sandburg, On the Way

      These days I see more clearly, and I chafe at certain things that used to wash over me. We learn and grow and become someone hopefully better than the character we were before. Each step is revelatory, each step confronts others with the changes within us. That confrontation is sometimes reflected back towards us in subtle ways. Pokes and prods—just to see if the illusion shatters or if there is a new truth to the story of who we are now.

      We rise, relapse and rise again in a lifetime of growth and stumbles, but our story is always set in the present. What has become of us? Where is this going? And just who will join us on our way, and do we dare to wonder—who won’t?

      “I am”… I said
      To no one there
      And no one heard at all
      Not even the chair
      — Neil Diamond, I Am… I Said

      This restless surge of change relentlessly washes away the sandcastles of fragile identity. We are obliged to rebuild them every day, or we are swept away into something entirely different. Made up of the same substance—nothing but grains of sand in our time, yet no longer the same. Only we know the truth of who we are, only we may hear the call. If we dare to listen.

    • Whispering in the Maelstrom

      “There are three classes of people: those who see. Those who see when they are shown. Those who do not see.”
      — Leonardo da Vinci

      Recent visits to modern art museums stretched my perspective on things I previously hadn’t seen. When we’re rushing past a work of art to go see something more accessible, we’re never going to absorb what the artist was trying to tell us. To find our own pace, set for discovery, opens up our senses in ways that we never might have reached otherwise. This level of awareness is transferrable to the rest of our lives, but it requires elbow room to grow.

      We live in a time where anyone can believe anything and get someone to follow along if they shout long enough in the right direction. Personally, I’m tired of the ambient noise. I’ve worked to back away from much of the technology that amplifies the uninformed or self-righteous in favor of deeper waters. We humans think and see and feel best when we aren’t floating in a soup of chaos. Heightened awareness comes from focus.

      I believe I saved my life this summer by focusing on fewer things, just when many things erupted all at once. Maybe not my imminent demise, but by avoiding an irreversible downward trend of declining health, rising stress and perpetual distraction. Most of our physical and mental health problems are based on accumulating and holding on to toxins: trans fats, sodium, alcohol, angry people, social media, stagnation… you get the idea. We must learn to stop collecting all this garbage in our lives if we are to ever reach clarity again.

      The thing is, it’s easy to stay on the carousel. It’s easy to get back on it too. We catch a glimpse of the bright lights and galloping horses, hear the catchy music and we’re drawn in. To walk away from all of that life wants to throw at us is difficult by design, but it’s the only way to finally see what else is out there in the world, wanting our attention—beginning with that inner voice whispering in the maelstrom for us to follow a different path while there’s still time.

    • The Beauty of Enough in the Pursuit of Excellence

      “Never let the quest for more distract you from the beauty of enough.” ― Sahil Bloom

      “If you are going to achieve excellence in big things, you develop the habit in little matters. Excellence is not an exception, it is a prevailing attitude.” — Colin Powell

      How much is enough? For many, there’s never enough. But what about us? How much money do we need? How much time do we trade in exchange? What would we use that time for if not this relentless pursuit of more? These are questions worthy of consideration if we are to live a life of optimization—if we are to reach a place closer to arete, or personal excellence.

      So what is that place? Personal excellence is different for all of us. For me if means reaching a higher level of being. Writing this blog every day is one step on that journey. Reading every day is likewise essential. And so is the admittedly aggressive fitness plan I’ve been on that has resulted in my losing 11% of my previous body weight. The arrival of a leaner version of me isn’t the point, it’s the daily ritual reckoning of choosing to be what I decided to be that brings me closer to my version of arete. We know we’ll never arrive there, but the journey to it is the whole point.

      Personal excellence is not a relentless pursuit of more, it’s a consistent refinement of who we are. It’s not about accumulation of wealth or the fancy car or the private jet. It’s about learning to live a life of significance and purpose. That prevailing attitude of refinement and self-improvement towards someone better in all areas of our lives is what bridges the gap between who we are and who we might become.

      Is there a conflict between the beauty of enough and the pursuit of excellence? Our journey should always be towards the person we wish to become (decide what to be and go be it), and our identity is reinforced by incremental, daily effort in that direction. Making the bed in the morning, or washing the dishes, or doing the workout, or writing the blog post before stepping into a busy life—these are the realization of enough through active presence in our daily rituals on this journey of a lifetime. And that, friends, is beautiful.

    • Kairos and Our Moment of Moments

      Kairos [kahy-rahs, -rohs]
      noun
      a time that is particularly crucial or suited for carrying out an action.

      We modern types with our schedules and time commitments tend to live in chronological order. Chronos, the embodiment of time, is sequential. But we know that some time is far more important in our lives than other times are. These are ripe moments of potential and meaning that stand out from all the rest. And this is where Kairos comes in.

      This is the time is a feeling. We know it when we reach it. And we ignore it at our peril, for such moments are fleeting. Like the muse for artists and writers, kairos isn’t hanging around until we finish watching that cat video. We must seize what flees or watch time—and our moment with it—slip away.

      Carpe diem, friend. Seize the day. And more, learn to recognize the moment of moments when we must launch ourselves into action. We must live in a state of heightened awareness, that we sense where we are on our journey through time, and have the audacity to take action when it’s demanded of us. To do otherwise is simply to kill time. Where is the joy on a trail of dead hours?

      We are conditioned to treat time as an orderly sequence of seconds to minutes to hours to days. We can train ourselves to leap into action at a moments notice. This isn’t spontaneous as much as a bias towards action when called upon in the moment. If not now, then when? Be bold.

    • The Whole Trip

      “E.L. Doctorow said once said that ‘Writing a novel is like driving a car at night. You can see only as far as your headlights, but you can make the whole trip that way.’ You don’t have to see where you’re going, you don’t have to see your destination or everything you will pass along the way. You just have to see two or three feet ahead of you. This is right up there with the best advice on writing, or life, I have ever heard.”
      ― Anne Lamott, Bird by Bird

      We meet moments in our lives, one to the next, that were unpredictable just before we arrived there. We’re all figuring things out as we move through our lives, one puzzle after another. We learn that we don’t have it all figured out, but that we can figure it out when we get there. Sure, save for retirement, and eat the right foods and exercise to build a foundation of health for tomorrow, but don’t face down imaginary monsters that may never rise to challenge us. Take each day as it comes.

      Writing and publishing a blog every day, like writing a line per day in my journal, is a great way to assess whatever mile marker I’ve arrived at along the way. What keeps us present with the things that are right in front of us, and not worried or distracted by the clown show happening off to the side? Those clowns may impact our lives, but we have to remember that we’re driving our own life and focus accordingly.

      To that end, keeping ourselves to task on the essential things we need to do in any given day is a great way to force ourselves to focus on what’s in front of us. I know I need to finish writing this blog, follow up with several people in my work, complete a project that I haven’t wanted to deal with, work out twice, read and hydrate properly. Everything else that fits in the vehicle as we’re moving down this road is a bonus, but completing each of those is the engine that keeps me moving forward.

    • Narrowing the Path

      “Remember your destination. This will help you to distinguish between an opportunity to be seized and a temptation to be resisted.” — Rabbi Lord Jonathan Sacks, The Two Journeys

      There are forces at play with us daily. We form an identity based on the choices we make. Am I a writer because I write every day? Am I an athlete because I work out twice a day, no matter what? I might believe this to be so for either, or not. There is nuance in identity, isn’t there?

      We know that we are more than the one or two things that we’re identified with. We are heading towards some new version of ourselves with every step. Each day brings us face-to-face with more choices to make (or not make) in determining who we will become next.

      So on and on I go, the seconds tick the time out
      So much left to know, and I’m on the road to find out
      — Cat Stevens, On The Road To Find Out

      What are the heuristics we employ to determine our next step? One ought to consider destination, as Sacks suggests in the quote above. Just where are we trying to go anyway? Are we trying to lose weight? Don’t have dessert with that meal, and maybe skip the bread and appetizer too. There’s nothing wrong with bread and appetizers and desserts if they’re each a part of the path we’re on. If they aren’t, well, why have them?

      My own heuristic is streak-based. I write every day because I started writing every day, and I don’t want to break the streak now. And 2600 + posts later, the streak continues. Similarly, I decided back in June to do a 75 day mental toughness challenge this summer, and with two weeks to go, I’ve managed to stay on track despite some strong temptations along the way. Simply put, my path narrowed considerably when I decided what to be. And so I continue to be it.

      Where is all this going? What is the ultimate destination? We know if we look far enough out that we will all end up in the same place. Memento mori. But prior to that? What is our health span? What experiences do we wish to have in a lifetime? What contribution will we make that is uniquely ours (Whitman’s “verse”)? Our destination isn’t really the best heuristic, but the path leading to it surely offers us the opportunity to thrive in our time. The trick is to keep that path just narrow enough even as we strive to experience more.

    • Only You Know

      And only you know where you have been to
      Only you know what you have been through
      There’s better things you’re gonna get into
      And I wanna be there too
      Yes I do
      — Dion, Only You Know

      There is a lot to hate about technology and how it has slowly pulled us away from each other. So many people simply stare at their phone screen instead of engaging in conversation. The act of connection is a leap across the void, and it becomes increasingly more difficult to connect without eye contact prompted by an uncomfortable gap between distractions. I get grief from some people in my life for talking to everyone. But everyone needs connection, maybe not with me, but with someone, and throwing a lifeline across the void can only be helpful. It’s a brief moment of acknowledgement that we are seen and heard before slipping back into anonymity, should they choose.

      This Dion song is relatively obscure compared to his big hits early in his career, like The Wanderer and Runaround Sue and Dream Lover. But simply dropping it into an episode of The Bear has made it rise to a place of prominence in his catalog. And that’s where technology helps the curious among us, by quickly identifying what that song is that I’m hearing right now, that we may look into it further later. And maybe share a lyric that maybe we didn’t know we needed to know.

      Connection is thus possible with technology, when technology is used to pull us together instead of distracting us from the common voyage we’re on. A bit of awareness, an inclination to share, and the courage to step outside of our shell and see what’s happening with the fellow humans around us is a way to transform a lonely existence into a life filled with affinity, affiliation, and maybe even an inclination to stick around one another a lot longer. Only you know what you’ve been through, unless you turn off the noise-cancelling earbuds, look up from the screen and connect with the world.

    • The Climb to Optimal

      “Lack of activity destroys the good condition of every human being, while movement and methodical physical exercise save it and preserve it.” — Plato

      That old expression “use it or lose it” has never seemed more truthful than it is now. Watching people in my life decline as either their bodies or their minds fall off a cliff is eye-opening, but watching my own health incrementally decline is a louder wake up call. The thing about wake up calls is that not everybody listens to them. Some people just hit snooze and go back to what they were doing before. For some people the wake up call is a fatal heart attack or a stroke when everything was seemingly normal. Normal is nothing but a state that we’re used to. Forget normal: aspire to optimal.

      This summer I jump-started my life with a regimented mental toughness plan. The usual workouts weren’t enough anymore. The usual reading wasn’t enough anymore. And that “all things in moderation” diet I subscribed to wasn’t enough anymore either. I’d had enough of just enough, and it was slowly killing me. And so I gave my comfortable routine the boot in favor of days filled with disciplined, consistent action. The climb to optimal is underway.

      Not wishing to talk about what I’m going to do, I favor forensics. What have I done to arrive at where I am now? What does that teach me about where I’m hoping to get to? Losing 25 pounds was necessary, but is it optimal? Optimal for what? The answers always lead to more questions on this journey through our days. Fine-tuning our goals as we fine-tune our bodies and minds is all part of the process of optimization.

      I may not ever hike the Appalachian Trail. I might not ever stroll the cobblestone sidewalks of Rue de l’Abreuvoir in Montmartre as dusk turns to night. And I may never summon up the mental discipline to complete that epic novel I’ve been toying with for years. But then again, I might do all of these things and more. Just what do we want out of life anyway? Our odds of achieving these goals are better living a life of optimal health, fitness and discipline.

    • Overcoming Currents

      “Our bodies do not take care of themselves in this environment—they need maintenance. If those of us in sedentary or repetitive jobs want to maintain our physical fitness, we have to make a conscious effort to move. We have to set time aside to walk, garden, do yoga, run, or go to the gym. We have to overcome the currents of modern life.”
      ― Robert Waldinger, The Good Life: Lessons from the World’s Longest Scientific Study of Happiness

      The easiest thing to do in a current is to just go with it. But currents don’t always take us where we want to go. A rip current will send you to your doom if you don’t swim perpendicular to it to get out of its grip. Doing what feels good in the moment, or doing what our friends are doing in their moment, can be enticing in its immediacy, but we ought to ask ourselves where it’s taking us. What’s the harm of a few french fries or a beer with friends? The answer lies in the direction of that current. Is it going where we want to go?

      I know: All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy. But the point is, we must be aware of those damned currents. Currents will pull us away from the vision we have of ourselves or that person we wish to become. Sometimes currents do their work quickly, sometimes so slowly that we aren’t even aware of the changes until we notice the pants are getting a little snug or maybe we struggle going up the stairs. Choosing a different current from the one we’ve been floating on takes some effort and mental toughness at first, but once we’ve entered flow, it all becomes so much easier.

      “We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act, but a habit” — Aristotle

      We always come back to Aristotle, don’t we? On our journey to personal excellence (arete), we must be forever vigilant in knowing what the currents are around us. Just where do we want to go anyway? Build some momentum that counters the current that would pull us away from that. Like pushing the flywheel, soon we build momentum towards something better.

      If this blog feels like affirmation lately, my apologies. It’s just the writer swimming towards something far more compelling. One good habit leads to another, then another, and pretty soon we’re really getting somewhere. There will be more stories to build on this timeline, but those will require a level of participation only possible with a high level of mental and physical fitness. If we agree that we are what we repeatedly do, isn’t it fair to ask ourselves, what exactly are we currently doing?