Alexandersmap

    Category: Lifestyle

    • Between Mediocrity and Excellence

      “But why diminish your soul being run-of-the-mill at something? Mediocrity: now there is ugliness for you. Mediocrity’s a hairball coughed up on the Persian carpet of Creation.”
      ― Tom Robbins, Half Asleep in Frog Pajamas

      Holy Crap (with a capital C), is the year already over?! In a year packed with experiences, did we experience enough? Is the bucket list half full or half empty? Did we reach the promised land of life satisfaction or will we once again carry over unfulfilled dreams to tomorrow?

      To live an average life is fine. Fine could surely be worse. Fine is better than many people wake up to. We should offer our due respect and gratitude to fine, appreciate it for getting us here and acknowledge it for all that is. But we know there’s another side to fine, because when someone offers that response when we ask them how they’re doing we know we have a problem. An ignore it at your peril problem. Fine is fine for linen, but not for people. We ought to elevate our game beyond fine.

      The trick, I think, is to return our focus to our routine. Now, we know the very word routine infers something akin to average. And average may be a notch below fine on the scale of how the heck are you? But our routine is what we make of it. And a few strategic, small changes to our daily routine bumps the average up just enough to offer dividends over time. This is the basis of James Clear’s Atomic Habits, which is a good book to return to when we’re thinking about making changes in our life.

      “Making a choice that is 1 percent better or 1 percent worse seems insignificant in the moment, but over the span of moments that make up a lifetime these choices determine the difference between who you are and who you could be. Success is the product of daily habits—not once-in-a-lifetime transformations.” — James Clear, Atomic Habits

      As we approach the New Year, we can focus on big, hairy audacious goals, because BHAG‘s are fun to imagine, and delightful to achieve. So schedule the trip, sign up for that marathon, write the first page of that novel today, or file for that Limited Liability Corporation you’ve dreamed up. But when that’s done, return to the little things we can do today to make the experience of living right now far better than average. What will we say yes to today? Often that begins with what we’ll say no to. Incremental progress is the name of the game, and it begins with discipline and the smallest of wins.

      We know the expression, what gets measured gets managed (usually attributed to Peter Drucker). So what are we focused on and what are we tracking in our daily lives? To step on the scale every morning won’t trigger weight loss, but it’s a lagging indicator of whatever we did yesterday. Maybe that pound we gained (or lost) is enough to trigger a different decision today. Maybe our lousy sleep score this morning leads us to look at what we ate and drank yesterday and serves as the prompt to make meaningful change today. Measuring isn’t necessarily going to lead to effectively managing, but it does serve to keep us from straying too far off the path to progress.

      We all have different goals for our lives at different stages of it. What do we want to be exceptional at now? To be a good spouse or parent? To rise to the C-suite? What stage of life are we in anyway? What is really meaningful right now that didn’t mean a thing to us in that last stage (or won’t mean much in the next)? To live a fully-optimized life we ought to know where we are now and what will make now resonate as one of the very best stages of our life sometime then, should we be lucky enough to arrive there one day.

      Some things apply to all stages of life, and ought to be part of our core daily ritual. We ought to build and maintain a healthy, vibrant body, mind and soul, that we may thrive now and grow later. Health ought be our foundation and not quicksand pulling us to our demise. If health is our primary goal, what other goals rise to meet that level of urgency? Knowing we can’t do everything, what are our two or possibly three most important things?

      A change in the calendar is nothing but a reminder that the future is calling, and asking what the heck we want to be next. Don’t we owe it to ourselves for that to be something beyond the average we’ve lived with up to now? We may only focus on goals once a year (I hope not), but the entire process is about lifestyle design. Decide what to be and go be it, but know that we can’t be everything.

      What does personal excellence (arete) mean to us now? Choose to rise towards excellence in the few things that will make the greatest difference in our lives, and learning to accept mediocrity in all the rest. We may hate the idea of being mediocre at anything, but we can’t be excellent at everything. So what is worthy of the climb? What is worthy of our precious time? Finding the answer offers a clear path between mediocrity and excellence.

    • Conversations and Calories

      “Joy is not produced because others praise you. Joy emanates unbidden and unforced. Joy comes as a gift when you least expect it. At those fleeting moments you know why you were put here and what truth you serve. You may not feel giddy at those moments, you may not hear the orchestra’s delirious swell or see flashes of crimson and gold, but you will feel a satisfaction, a silence, a peace—a hush. Those moments are the blessings and the signs of a beautiful life.” ― David Brooks, The Road to Character

      The last few weeks of the year tend to fly by more quickly than all the rest. Holiday parties, reunions, the rush to get gifts and wrap them—it all adds up to a frenzy of experiences lumped together where one doesn’t stand apart from another, but instead they blend into one. Conversations and calories accumulate in rapid succession, we grow satiated and yet want for more. The shortest days of the year thus become some of our most full.

      To focus on improvement is to step back towards balance, towards that which we aspire to be. Balance is a word that infers we have somehow become unbalanced. But don’t we wish for the richness and delight that those conversations and calories bring us? Sure, moderation is the key to a healthy life, but we starve ourselves all year. A few brief hours of richness and delight offer their own form of balance, should we recognize the moments for what they are.

      We know that those calories add up and that the scale doesn’t lie, and soon there will be renewed focus on moderation. We know that people return to their routines and begin once again to look ahead to longer days. There will be days of quiet solitude that whisper of loneliness, if we let our guard down, if we begin to compare what we have on our busiest days with what we have when the schedule is full of blank spaces. We ought to remember that life ebbs and flows, and the ebb is as natural as the flow. Accepting both is the path to a beautiful life.

    • Inevitable Leveling

      “Yes I know that the drop of water carried along by its weight, can ascend to the sky in vapor only to fall again in rain. But the wear and tear of rock, the gravel that the stream carries to the river and the river to the sea, the granite that disintegrates, I know that all that will not again go up the fatal incline; and the highest mountains dissolve into the valley, the plain where their ruins accumulate and become equal. Everything falls from a height less and less lofty with a fall more and more shallow. This inevitable leveling is accomplished hour by hour and minute by minute under our very eyes. In life manner the whole material world equalizes and tempers its energies.” — André Gide, Autumn Leaves

      The world is full of political upheavals, violent ascents to power and greedy grabbers of gobs of money. It has always been this way, it likely always will. Such drama always grabs headlines. We may even say rightfully so, for we all ought to pay attention to those who want it all, because we’ve seen where the pursuit of everything leads them.

      It’s the gradual leveling out through democracy, diplomacy, equal opportunity and consensus-building that quietly builds worlds, results in decades of relative stability and peace. We get a little too complacent in such times. We grow comfortable and lazy with democracy. We stop being frugal and become over-exuberant in our spending habits. We forget that to be indebted to others is to be an indentured servant. The opportunists see their opening and away they go.

      Time settles everything. It likely won’t be in our lifetime, but maybe in that of our grandchildren’s children maybe humanity will reach its potential. Assuming we don’t destroy humanity and mother earth in the interim. Earth will bounce back when she shrugs us off (she has eternity to level out again, after all). It’s humanity’s story that is being written through time.

      It’s easy to lose faith in humanity when things seem so ugly. But even now there is an inevitable leveling happening right before our eyes. It’s best to be patiently aware, ethically opportunistic and emotionally resilient when ugliness reigns. After all, we’re playing the long game. It’s best to remember that, especially as others forget.

    • The Joyful Stir

      “You must learn to drink the cup of life as it comes … without stirring it up from the bottom. That’s where the bitter dregs are!” — Agnes Sligh Turnbull

      Celebrating the holidays is easy when we’re around friends and family. It’s not as easy for those who are alone. Some are blessed with an abundance of people in their lives through proximity and an inclination for connection. Some go out of their way to stay away. Be yourself, but know that you always have a place at our table.

      I have two neighbors who have lived next to each other for a quarter century who won’t make eye contact with each other but go out of their way to say hello to everyone else who walks up the street. Some people are naturally closer than others. Something was said, some point of contention remains, stubborn righteousness kicks in and the years go by with scarcely a nod between them. It’s extraordinary to behold.

      Generational baggage clings to some families. Like my two neighbors, whatever it was that happened, it never fades away. Awareness reveals entire family histories. A family may be at the same Christmas party and be as far away from each other as if they were in separate countries, while laughing and bonding with the rest of us. Why? Only they know, but the holidays are no time to stir up the bitter dregs.

      We ought to learn to be alone, if only to ensure that when we inevitably are, we aren’t so lonely. To be alone in a room full of people is an inclination, as much as not being lonely when there’s nobody there but us and the ticking clock. Joyfulness is an active-participation sport, and we reap what we sow. We ought to learn to let bygones be bygones, even in these contentious, divided times, and find a way back to connection. We must keep stirring joy, for when something is bitter, a little sweetener goes a long way.

    • The Shared Secret

      Fool if you think it’s over
      ‘Cos you said goodbye
      Fool if you think it’s over
      I’ll tell you why
      New born eyes always cry with pain
      At the first look at the morning sun
      You’re a fool if you think it’s over
      It’s just begun
      — Chris Rea, Fool (If You Think It’s Over)

      Life is pain, as the Dread Pirate Roberts told Buttercup in The Princess Bride. It’s full of setbacks and sadness, betrayals and “between jobs” lean living. But it’s also full of climbs to redemption and epic comebacks and the finding of strides. The trick is to see beyond the pain of the moment and find a way to a better place beyond. To remember, always, that this too shall pass.

      Chris Rea passed away yesterday. He was bigger in the EU than he was in America, but he had that one ear worm of a song that stayed with you, reminding you that there will be more breakups and sad days in our future, but just keep singing your song and try again with the next one. And sure, there’s a life lesson there that resonates about pain and resilience and such very human things. Nobody said this would be easy.

      We look around one day and realize that we’ve been very lucky indeed with some things, not so lucky with some other things, but we’ve arrived here nonetheless. Wherever here is. Whatever we’re supposed to do with what we’ve arrived with. The lesson is to keep on figuring things out. That’s the shared secret we’re all working from. To keep on facing whatever life throws at us next and begin again.

    • Friends and Adversaries

      “Whenever you are about to find fault with someone, ask yourself the following question: What fault of mine most nearly resembles the one I am about to criticize?” — Marcus Aurelius, Meditations

      We work hard to avoid being critical of others, but the thoughts are there just the same. We develop a good filter as we grow, keeping some thoughts to ourselves, finding that polite way to say something that must be said, and practicing active-avoidance when absolutely necessary. The last few years there’s been a fair amount of active-avoidance as chaos ensued in the world at large. This is a survival skill, garnered from a keen value for the preciousness of time.

      My opinions are generally known by my closest friends and adversaries(the people who pay the most attention). Who has more at stake in knowing who we really are? If I’m learning anything as I move towards another decade checked off on this planet, it’s to stop working so hard to be an adversary and accept the path that I’m on myself. Let others take the prizes once coveted, my quest now is to learn and grow. And this shift in attitude, this shift in focus, is itself growth.

    • Plans and Adages

      “It is easy to make plans in this world; even a cat can do it; and when one is out in those remote oceans it is noticeable that a cat’s plans and a man’s are worth about the same.”
      ― Mark Twain, Following the Equator: A Journey Around the World

      I planned to do a few things this week that simply didn’t happen because of other things that were more pressing in the moment. Perhaps this has happened to you? Naturally. We’re all human, we make our plans and God laughs. We all have heard this adage and accept it even as some question the laugher, because plans have a way of changing no matter how stubborn we are about sticking with them.

      Mark Twain, bobbing around in the middle of the Pacific Ocean, was likely wondering what went wrong with his own plans that brought him there. He’d accepted a lecture circuit around the British Empire because he’d lost most of his fortune in bad investments. Through adversity we find opportunity. Finding the silver lining is a path to resilience. We are built to transcend obstacles and challenges, even if we don’t always realize it at the time.

      Speaking of challenges, trying to eat well and to drink in moderation (or not at all) during the holidays is just about as challenging as trying to fit in a solid workout when the days feel so short and frenzied. It’s easier to simply give in and eat the cookies and chocolate that people seem to throw at you this time of year (why does everyone bake so much in December?). What’s one more cookie anyway? The truth shall set you free, and when you find yourself in a hole, stop digging. Or at least stop eating and go take a walk. The dog would like that, and so would the waistline. After all, a rolling stone gathers no moss.

      If I’ve learned anything from having a few of these holidays under my belt, it’s to celebrate the season, but maybe temper that enthusiasm for treats with a bit more active lifestyle. Nothing ventured, nothing gained may be true, but don’t venture into too many treats and too few steps!

      Earlier this week I met with a couple of industry friends at a brewery. It became apparent that I’ve (thankfully) lost my ability to keep pace downing pints, and I opted out of the latter rounds in favor of staying under the legal limit for my commute home. All things in moderation, we tell ourselves. Just remember that moderation for some is excess for others. Don’t bite off more than you can chew.

      It may be true that we are never too old to learn, but it’s also true that we aren’t getting any younger. So sure, we ought to do things now that will be impossible to do later, but maybe lean into the healthier choices that build a stronger foundation for that future version of us that we hope is strong and vibrant and maybe even a little scandalously adventurous for the age we are at the time. At least, that’s the plan.

    • To Be Productive and Daring

      Give winter nothing; hold; and let the flake
      Poise or dissolve along your upheld arms.
      All flawless hexagons may melt and break;
      While you must feel the summer’s rage of fire,
      Beyond this frigid season’s empty storms.
      Banished to bloom, and bear the birds’ desire.
      — James Wright, To a Troubled Friend

      Winter is thriving. The darkest day of the year is almost upon us, and then Christmas, and New Year’s, and before we know it we’ll be looking ahead to spring. At least that’s the hope of winter days. We look ahead, placing ourselves in some future place, brighter and perhaps warmer than where we are now. But now is the gift we forever ignore at our peril.

      I want to make something of this day—to be productive and daring. To do the things I promise myself I’ll do in the earliest hours, before the sun rises, before the first coffee bolsters my courage, before this blog post is captured and released for your consideration. Before is now for the productive mind. Now is the time to write and create something, now is the time to do that workout that mocks us. Now is before we get to those things. After is like another season altogether for the busiest mind.

      It’s all a blur of restless productivity towards something beyond here and now. Simply do what must be done next, and beyond will be there waiting. How we like to believe it so! Do with today what we only dream about for tomorrow. For all flawless hexagons may melt and break.

    • The Crooked Path

      “Out of the crooked timber of humanity, no straight thing was ever made.”― Immanuel Kant

      We are all imperfect beings. Perfectly so, we might add. And it follows that to look for perfection in others or ourselves is a foolish pursuit of what will never be. It’s a false peak that excites us for a brief moment before we recognize that we haven’t arrived yet. For every step forward in one part of our lives, we seem to take two back in some other part. Such is life.

      We may embrace our imperfections while still pursuing better. I write every day whether anyone else reads it or not, but I’ve read it over and over again before I publish it because the first draft is crap, the second is still clunky but flows a little better and by the third I’ve swapped out redundant sentences and moved entire paragraphs around. Inevitably, I’ll click publish, scan it yet again and find all the mistakes that were staring at me the whole time. Frustrating, but not entirely unexpected when we are our own proof-reader. Those who read this in email get to share in my late discoveries.

      Yesterday I received an email from a customer who was responding to a large group of recipients. He was driving at the time and using some AI-driven tool to compose and send his email. And naturally what was sent to the entire group was a hot mess of run-on sentences, incorrect, “best-guess” words and such. The composer of that email corrected it when he arrived where he was going, and even then it was a rough go. Emails and texts already tend to be the first draft thoughts of the masses, add an AI tool that doesn’t understand nuance or company product names and what is churned out is far more confusing than simply abstaining from a reply to all.

      The thing is, artificial intelligence will get better, but it will always be a tool in the box. We imperfect humans are the ones who make connections, discern intent and build consensus. To worry about AI is a distraction. We ought to be more concerned about what the real peak is on our own climb. Where are we going? What skills and knowledge and trusted relationships must we accumulate to get there? The climb to perfection will never be a straight line carrying us to the top. It’s always a crooked path. We’ll run out of time before we reach our version of perfect anyway. So all we can do is our best today before we click publish for one more day, and celebrate the effort towards the goal.

    • Survival Skills

      It’s been a frustrating week for people who believe in the inherent good in humanity. Violent acts played out in Australia and in the United States (who would have thought it could ever happen here?). Rob Reiner and his wife were murdered, apparently by their own son, and the person who some believe is the leader of the free world chose to mock that horrible situation with a gleeful diatribe. Class act, orange clown.

      These are days that test the soul. For we want affirmation that we were right about people being good, because we do our best to be good ourselves, and assume others will be doing the same thing. There’s a Latin expression from the New Testament that explains this phenomena: Omnia munda mundis (To the pure, all things are pure). Isn’t it pretty to think so?

      Trust, but verify is a better expression to live by. We covered that last week in this blog. It’s okay to believe in the inherent good in others, but don’t stake your life on it. History is littered with the corpses of trusting souls crushed in the blood lust of evil bastards who don’t think the way that we do. Accepting that fact helps us to figure out who’s truly good and who’s a wolf in sheep’s clothing.

      We are all doing the best we can in a world full of good people, but peppered by rogues and sociopaths. It behooves us to develop the street smarts to discern who the latter might be. It’s all just survival skills, like learning to look both ways before crossing the road or sniffing the chicken that’s been in the refrigerator for a few extra days. Our ancestors lived long enough to deliver us here, the least we can do is stop believing we live in a Harlequin Romance novel, that we may carry our good genes forward to future generations.