Alexandersmap

    Category: Lifestyle

    • Echoes

      “What we do now echoes in eternity.” ― Marcus Aurelius, Meditations

      I worry less about productivity than I might project in this blog. Each day I do what I can, provoke something meaningful out of myself and celebrate having carried the torch one more time. The chaos of the world was not mine, my contribution was steadiness and reason. If I’m blessed with another day, I’ll try tomorrow to do it better.

      We must remember that we have a chance to do something meaningful with our time. Our actions influence others, rippling across our connections to people we’ll never meet. This blog post may get a few likes, be viewed a few dozen times and fade into bits and bytes in some data center somewhere on the Internet until the power finally goes out some day in eternity. We may accept the frailty of our voice for what it is and still be inclined to add our verse.

      The doing is the thing. We must do what we can with today before it’s gone forever, like all the rest. For this is our time, friends. If not now, when? The thing about an echo is that it must begin somewhere before it can reverberate through space and time.

    • Someone Great

      “I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.” — Maya Angelou

      I had the opportunity to attend a 40th anniversary party this weekend. I married into the family well after they got married so I wasn’t around for that beginning, but I’ve seen them grow into their relationship, raise children into adulthood and seek out lifetime adventures together. They’re living a life together one should aspire to—present in each other’s lives, adventurous and fun, travelers who arrive in the lives of others when it matters most.

      I’m not the sharpest tack in the drawer, but I know a good thing when I find it. Being someone great in the life of one other life is a great starting point for building a long term relationship. Being great in the lives of your children builds a strong foundation from which they may grow into personal excellence themselves. Being a great friend to someone who is great leads to reciprocal growth for both parties.

      We may dilute ourselves only so much before there’s nothing great left of us. We feel when we’ve entered a vacuum devoid of reciprocity. We must be a friend to the world while understanding that the world will not always be our best friend. The way to stay filled is to find people who return the love and energy we give back to us. Life energy is finite, but infinitely available when we wade into the right stream.

      The trick to any great partnership is sustained momentum built on being present, engaged and equally invested in a hopeful future. For every stumble, there’s a hand lent to getting back up again, for every step forward there’s a hand to lift the other forward with us. Hand-in-hand we may thus move forward through this life together.

    • Screens and Stars

      I scrolled through Facebook this morning. Not a proud moment in productivity but there it is. It occurred to me that the platform is now a lot like living in an empty nest. Where once you could easily get caught up with all your friends and family in one place in pictures and comments, now it’s nothing but endless videos and advertisements cultivated for your perceived tastes, mostly because you happened to click on one and now they dump them all on you. Like an empty nest, there’s nothing there to hold on to but memories of what once was. A great reminder to fly away more often and live our lives instead of lingering in the nest.

      The easiest way to fly is to walk right out the door and keep on walking. I walk the dog every night just to get away from the collection of screens that would otherwise call to me, and really, because the dog insists on it. I’ve trained her too well at this point. She serves as my catalyst for action: get up and move! Get outside and let’s see what’s new in the neighborhood! Good pup.

      The days are getting shorter again, and the air feels autumn-like after the thick tropical air we just had finally cleared out. The pup and I have an unsaid agreement where she covers the ground level quite well, and I tilt my head up and assess the evening sky (This works until she bolts for bunnies, but I’ve learned to sense those sudden energy bursts before they erupt). The waxing crescent moon clears out just as it’s getting dark, and the stars emerge to remind me that there’s so much more to life than lingering in front of screens.

      Look at the stars
      Look how they shine for you
      And everything you do
      — Coldplay, Yellow

      We are what we repeatedly do. We can dwell on the empty nest or immerse ourselves in the cultivated media feed that serves as a time-killer (quite literally), or we can step into something more with our minutes. Social media platforms and streaming services are no substitute for interaction with people equally invested in the interaction. The right people in our lives are like stars, shining for us as we shine for them. Together lighting up the eternal void. We may fill that which is empty with something that brings us to life. Fly amongst the stars.

    • The Gods Wait

      your life is your life
      don’t let it be clubbed into dank submission.
      be on the watch.
      there are ways out.
      there is a light somewhere.
      it may not be much light but
      it beats the darkness.
      be on the watch.
      the gods will offer you chances.
      know them.
      take them.
      you can’t beat death but
      you can beat death in life, sometimes.
      and the more often you learn to do it,
      the more light there will be.
      your life is your life.
      know it while you have it.
      you are marvelous
      the gods wait to delight
      in you.
      — Charles Bukowski, The Laughing Heart

      I revisited some old characters this week. Some were people I hadn’t seen in some time, met with lunch in between us and life’s hurdles to compare. Some were characters invented in my head and tapped into flesh on the keyboard. Like the people I had lunch with, I haven’t visited with them in some time and there’s a chance I might not see them again anytime soon. We live the life we invest ourselves into. The gods wait to delight in you.

      I’ve become my father in some ways. I don’t check in with the kids as much, but I’m there for them when they wish to reconnect. I recognize the folly in this through the distance between my father and me before he finally slipped into dementia. Where is the light in our lives but in our children and the person we share our days with? I stay connected in small ways, to let them know I’m thinking of them. My bride has entire text conversations with them that I only hear about as an executive summary. We spend 90% of our time with our children before they leave the house. We must hold on to that remaining 10% for dear life.

      We dance with light in our days or we are wrestled into darkness. We must choose light, and be a source of it for the people in our lives who need it the most. Connection is so hard to maintain when we all have so much to do in our brief time, but it’s the essence of a joyful and meaningful life. When these days are well behind us and all we have are fragile memories of our time together, will we smile at the recollection of the light between us or see the gap? The gods will offer us chances.

    • Turning Into

      Each summer brings with it something new. Perhaps its travel or a new hobby or a significant event that will forever be associated with this season in our lives. So what will mark the summer of 2024?

      This summer I’ve rediscovered the thrill of cycling. It’s not that my road bike wasn’t available to me before this summer, it’s that I walked past it saying “not today” for years. Now that I’ve been accumulating miles on the bike instead of dust, it’s changed my way of looking at this time in my life. I feel like a kid again when I’m riding, and then I profoundly feel my age again when I get up in the morning after a long ride. And that’s okay too, because it’s my body telling me that I did something more than sit on my ass in front of a computer screen all day.

      When we do things we’ve always told ourselves we shouldn’t do because of time or age or maybe what the neighbors will think, we’re putting ourselves in a smaller box. Like a potted planted, we become root-bound when we force ourselves to skate our lane, not trying new things or returning to old things with the enthusiasm of our youth. When we stick to the familiar life becomes quite routine, doesn’t it? We ought to be shattering our self-expectations of what is possible more often. There are no do-overs in this life.

      A couple of rides ago, I reached a point where I could either stay straight and cruise back home after a great ride or turn right and face a steep climb up an unforgiving hill. There would be no shame in sticking to the road I was on (I’d already done a long ride), but I knew the hill would mock me for avoiding it. So I turned right and began a lung-popping climb up the hill. The thing is, it was as hard as I expected it to be but nothing insurmountable. I simply climbed and enjoyed the reward of a more gradual descent down the other side.

      At some point this year the bike will be hanging back on the garage wall, dormant until I rediscover it again. We only have so many rides in our time so it’s essential to know the season we’re in and take full advantage of it. As this summer winds down, what will we celebrate turning into? There’s still time to shatter those expectations we have for ourselves.

    • Collecting Experiences

      “The world is big, and I want to have a good look at it before it gets dark.” — John Muir

      The Olympics are charging right along to the finish, and I know I’ll feel the void when they’re over. It’s always been this way, it will be again. With every Olympics I promise myself I’ll go to the next one, and end up deferring like I did with the last. To say that one day I’ll keep that promise is yet another.

      The thing is, the Olympics come around every two years. We may go to the summer games or the winter. The only thing keeping us from going is what we prioritize in our life. Sure, money is a formidable hurdle to clear for much of the population, and I’ve been there before in my life too. But mostly it’s choosing to do something else instead. When we see our reasoning for what it is, it liberates us to be more bold with our future choices.

      Olympics aside, we all have dreams of places to go in this world. We all have things we wish to do while we’re healthy and vibrant enough to do them. If not now, when? Book the trip, chase the dream, be a collector of experiences and fulfilled dreams.

    • Something to Our Sum

      “If you could do tomorrow over again, would you? “ — Seth Godin

      We all think about yesterday. What would we do differently? What was the very best thing that happened in our day that we’d definitely do again? Yesterdays are easy to dwell on but impossible to change. We must give them weight accordingly.

      Tomorrow is full of hope and promise and anticipation. But what if it turned out to be just like yesterday was? Are we always moving forward, staying roughly the same or slipping sideways? If life is a progression of experiences, what will tomorrow bring?

      Today is all we have. We set up a brighter tomorrow with today. If we are the sum of our experiences and work, will today be accretive or dilutive? We must contribute something to our sum in the hour at hand to sustain personal and professional growth. A bias towards action isn’t the same thing as putting our nose to the grindstone, it’s simply favoring forward motion over stasis and stagnation.

      So are we doomed to forever moving onward to the next, never savoring the fruits of our labor? All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy. Indeed. But the point isn’t to always be productive with our hours, it’s to optimize our experience with them. What is more optimal than full awareness of the moment and using this (with all that this means to us) to the best of our advantage? Are we simply passing the time or using our time? Nothing sets up today and our blueprint for tomorrow more than this question.

    • That Beautiful Moment in Time

      “As soon as a milestone is passed, it’s significance fades, and the focus is shifted to some other marker further down the road. No matter what you do or how satisfying it is in that beautiful moment in time, immediately you want more. You have to, if you want to find out how good you can be.” — Glenn Pendlay

      Watching Olympic athletes perform at the highest levels is inspiring, but it also gives one pause when we consider our own personal best in any comparable activity. The Olympic rowers managed a stroke rate and speed over 2000 meters that I couldn’t imagine in my most fit days, let alone now. The Olympic cyclists just rode 173 kilometers in twice the average speed that I ride 35 kilometers. But comparison is the death of joy, as the saying goes. All that matters is that we are actively improving our own lot and appreciating the work that goes into being elite at any activity.

      Wanting more is natural when we seek to maximize our potential. We must always remember that we’re competing against ourselves, always. What do we wish to excel in? Do we have the physical and mental ability to thrive in that environment? And the most important question of all: What are we willing to sacrifice in our lives to achieve it?

      As Bill Perkins pointed out in his book Die With Zero, we are all given time, health and financial capital in our lifetime. We rarely have the optimal amount of all three at any given time. The key to a great life is to optimize the currency we have in any stage of life. When we’re young we have time and health but usually not much money. When we’re in the middle of our careers we don’t seem to have much time even as we begin to accumulate more money. And of course when we’re old we have time and hopefully enough money to enjoy the time but may not have the health and fitness we had when we were younger. We ought to consider those three currencies we’re all given in our lifetime when weighing when and what to focus on.

      So what are the milestones we’ve reached in our lives? What is the next milestone, given our base level of fitness, time and financial freedom to go after those goals? Don’t we wonder as we clear one milestone after another just how good can we be? If achieving each milestone offers us our unique beautiful moment in time, doesn’t the pursuit of personal excellence—arete—become every more compelling as we climb?

    • Savor the Salad

      “I was so busy making music that before I knew it the summer was gone.” — Aesop, The Ants & the Grasshopper

      I went into the garden to pick the first ripe tomato and found the bottom half was gone, a sign that a groundhog has tagged my garden as its buffet. I resented the pilferage (who doesn’t love the first tomato of summer?) and picked the next tomato that wasn’t quite ripe yet, that I may at least have that one. I’ve learned to tolerate and even coexist with the critters, but that doesn’t mean I’m giving up the entire crop to them.

      The thing to do in such moments is head to the local farm stand. I grow three tomato plants, they tell me they grow five thousand. And they’re having a good year for tomatoes this year, with plenty of heat and without the relentless rain we had last year. When the local farmers are happy with the weather, we celebrate with Caprese salad. The basil is my own, the tomatoes from the farm stand, the rest of the ingredients from a global supply chain. It takes a village to make a great salad.

      Early August in New Hampshire and it feels like summer will never end even as the days grow shorter and the Halloween candy is on the store shelves. Why? Because retail is always looking 3-6 months ahead of the rest of us. In summer I avoid box stores at all costs, that I may live in the moment. Our summers, like life itself, are so very short. Why be forever looking ahead when we may enjoy the harvest this day brings?

      We all must prepare for the future, as the ants in Aesop’s fable do, but we must also balance this forever preparing with the awareness and insight of carpe diem. We must seize the day for all it offers for us before it’s gone forever. Life is a balance of living in the present with all the lessons of the past to guide us and a hopeful eye towards a bountiful future.

      I don’t begrudge the groundhog for pilfering the first tomato of summer, but I made a point of getting the second before it too was gone. Summer harvests are fragile, fleeting things indeed. So savor the salad.

    • Combinations

      “I’m not the best writer, but it is a strength. I might be a 90th percentile writer.
      And I’m not the best marketer, but it is a strength. Again, maybe 90th percentile? I’m better than most, but if you pass 100 people on the street it won’t be hard to find some people better than me.
      What I have gradually learned is that it is not your strengths, but your combination of strengths that sets you apart. It is the fact that writing and marketing are mutually reinforcing—and that I enjoy both—that leads to great results.
      How can you combine your strength? That’s something I would encourage everyone to think about. You will find talented people in every area of life. It’s the combinations that are rare.”
      — James Clear, 3-2-1 Newsletter, 4 July 2024

      We thrive when our unique set of developed skills and natural talents come together at the right place and time for us to leverage them fully. And the rest of the time we’re simply figuring things out. We know when our timing is right, because it all seems to fall into place for us as if by magic. Everything else in our life is incremental growth or gradual decline. It’s up to us to choose daily routines that move us in the right direction even when the timing isn’t right for our unique combinations to thrive in a maddening world.

      I remind my daughter (and myself) to write every day because muscle memory matters. Writing every day helps us find combinations of ideas and words that we otherwise might not have found. We never know when the timing is going to be just right for our combinations, only that we must be ready to seize the moment when it arrives. When you’re young if feels like you can push off the writing for tomorrow when the muse isn’t whispering in your ear today, but it doesn’t work like that. The cruelest twist in our creative life is that it’s got a timer. We must therefore use the time we have as best we can.

      “The best time to plant a tree was 20 years ago. The second best time is now.” — Chinese Proverb

      Most of us will go through our lives doing work that is good enough to get by but never really takes off. Perhaps the answer isn’t in the work but that we’ve put the puzzle together incorrectly. Most jigsaw puzzles have pieces that seem to fit in one place but on further review aren’t where they’re supposed to be. Once we finally see that and move those pieces to where they belong we may finally solve the puzzle. And so it is with our own combinations of skills and talents. We know when they’re not being used in the right place. Still, we must use them until we find the right combination.

      The way to unlock the puzzle is to take stock of our strengths and begin to try new combinations, that we may find the ones that work. To be forever locked up in our untapped potential is no way to go through life. Like that jigsaw puzzle, stubbornly holding on to things that clearly aren’t working will leave us with an unfinished project or worse, an unfulfilled life.

      The thing to remember about puzzles is that they’re meant to be solved. Unlike jigsaw puzzles, we humans are forever making new pieces of our identity that may be just the right combination we were looking for. So it is that we must continue to develop new experiences and skills that may be applied to our life’s work. There’s a time and place for everything. Just keep working on those combinations.