Alexandersmap

    Category: Lifestyle

    • Digging Our Ground

      The trouble, doll, is not moving mountains
      But digging the ground that you’re on
      If it’s true that good fortune gives no change
      We got just what it takes
      — Jakob Dylan, Something Good This Way Comes

      Nowadays, doesn’t it seem like everyone is angry or depressed or resentful of others? We know there are legitimate reasons for concern, but there’s also a collective amnesia about how good we really have it. It’s driven by an information diet that tells us how awful we should feel about the state of the world, about those “nasty” people on the other side, about the number staring back at us on the scale or the fact that few of us look like those fit, fashionable and well-traveled people we see on our screens. We know that comparison is the death of joy, but our feeds are relentlessly pushing for comparison anyway.

      There’s nothing wrong with aspiring for more in life, for that is how humanity grows and evolves. That’s how we grow and evolve. But we shouldn’t lose track of that which we are blessed with. How many people throughout history would have given everything for what we have right now? They’d be shocked by our lack of awareness of all that surrounds us.

      Gratitude grounds us. It changes our mindset from feeling like we live in scarcity to knowing we live in abundance. When we’re grateful for where we are, with what we have and who we’re spending our precious time with, it’s hard to feel like we aren’t living a great life. So maybe it’s time to start digging the ground that we’re on, and stop clawing for more of what’s over there. Because over there ain’t all that either.

    • Courage

      “What would life be if we had no courage to attempt anything?”
      — Vincent van Gogh

      When we look back, how does the path that brought us here look? Probably full of switchbacks and a few dead ends, some steep learning curves and false peaks, disappointing descents and surprising vistas that taught us a thing or two. Life is a series of attempts at something new. We may be bold today and again tomorrow, or we can shrink into familiar and less risky ventures. Which is the hero’s journey? Which will give us a better story in the end?

      None of this will mean a thing a hundred years from now. If we’re lucky maybe one small thing will break through and resonate beyond. Whatever project we’re currently working on is unlikely to resonate through the ages like Irises. Does that mean I shouldn’t write this blog post or go to work today? Purpose is discovered through daily action and the courage to change course when the one we’re on isn’t bringing us to where we’d like to go. Van Gogh painted Irises shortly after checking into the Saint Paul-de-Mausole asylum. Do you wonder if he considered his own path clear and straight to the top?

      It’s not just okay to try new things, it’s imperative that we do so. Exploring new paths opens up new opportunities, it colors our world with new perspective, it teaches us who we might be simply by stepping away from the tried and true. Some paths turn out to be magical, but we’ve learned that some will crush our spirit. Knowing this, courage is indeed necessary to rise again to try another. And another. And yet another. In this way, we grow into who we might become in this lifetime.

      Irises, at the J. Paul Getty Museum

    • Stop Feeding the Monkey

      In the course of my pursuit of better, I have accumulated systems and routines that in themselves burden me with more things to carry, do and track. For example, I have five notebooks going right now, one strictly for work notes, one for tracking fitness, my Some Lines Per Day notebook to note just what I did on this lucky day of being alive, and a general notebook that sits on my desk for quick notes for any old thing. This of course is way too many notebooks, but I believe in a separation of church and state, and I believe that bleeding work into personal notebooks or vice versa would be a hot mess. And so I’m left with what I have.

      The thing is, it wasn’t always this way. I’ve tried Bullet Journals and Franklin Covey planners and all manner of electronic devices to mimic the simple analog efficiency of a notebook with purpose. Inevitably I drift away from all of them in favor of pen to paper. But I keep looking for the perfect solution to consolidate and simplify what should be a very simple act of tracking activity and thoughts.

      Just yesterday, I purchased yet another notebook. This one has grids on every page, which appeals to my spreadsheet mindset, but admittedly leaves something to be desired for the writer in me. It was an impulsive purchase, but something I sought out for a reason known only to my monkey mind (that restless spirit within that seeks to distract me from doing anything useful or productive).

      Notebooks are my thing, but the monkey mind consumes all kinds of things to keep us off track. Perhaps you’ve accumulated apps on your phone, or electronic devices that promise all manner of productivity and entertainment. How many streaming services are we up to now anyway? Usually two or three more than we’d like. How full is the closet? How many devices do we really need to cook dinner? How many tools do we need to maintain our home? We all have our version of “notebook” that keep us from the real work at hand.

      The thing is, we can bog ourselves down in systems and preparation, accumulate tools and techniques, acquire knowledge, degrees and certifications. But in the end, all that matters is the action we take towards a goal, and the work that we ship today. Everything else is background noise that drowns out the message. The answer is to simplify, focus and relentlessly cull the collection of things in life that keep feeding the monkey. At least that’s what I wrote down in my notebook. Which one, I can’t tell you.

    • The Slow and Difficult Trick of Living

      It isn’t very far as highways lie.
      I might be back by nightfall, having seen
      The rough pines, and the stones, and the clear water.
      Friends argue that I might be wiser for it.
      They do not hear that far-off Yankee whisper:
      How dull we grow from hurrying here and there!

      Many have gone, and think me half a fool.
      To miss a day away in the cool country.
      Maybe. But in a book I read and cherish,
      Going to Walden is not so easy a thing
      As a green visit. It is the slow and difficult
      Trick of living, and finding it where you are.
      — Mary Oliver, Going to Walden

      It isn’t very far at all for me to visit Walden. I could be there in about an hour, accounting for rush hour traffic in that general direction. I’ve gone there before, just to be there on some random Tuesday or Wednesday or whatnot. While others worked I would play hooky for an hour or two, just to see the water, just to feel like Thoreau in the interlude between responsibilities. Inevitably I’d return better for having been there. Some might argue that my nose to the grindstone for those couple of hours would have been a better use of the time. Let them think what they want. We’re all different people, aren’t we?

      I can feel that it’s almost time to re-read Walden again, just as I felt today it was time to revisit Mary Oliver. There are other voices beyond the hustle culture that ought to be listened to. There are other ways to spend our precious time. The trick to living is awareness and presence in the invaluable now. To learn and grow and become at a pace that we can maintain for the long haul, even as we know that the time slips away so very quickly.

      You won’t find me at Walden today. I assure you it will be just fine without me. For a Monday I ought to be in more of a rush somewhere, but what is on the other side of that hustle? Just what do we arrive at when we go from here to there anyway? Maybe that’s why I keep writing—to remind myself to be aware of the time going by, or to simply remind myself to cherish the view along the way. To be here, now feels like more than enough. Why would we ever rush away from it?

    • Proof of Identity

      “I think motivation is complete garbage. It’s never there when you need it. And that’s the paradox of it. [It’s] that we’re all sitting there waiting to be motivated and it’s not coming. Because basic wiring of the brain is that you will always default to what’s easy. And you always push against what’s hard. And if motivation were available on demand we’d all have a million dollars and six-pack abs. And so sitting around and waiting for motivation is the kiss of death. Because it’s in the action that you dissipate the emotion, and it’s in the action that you actually prove to yourself through the action, ’cause you see yourself operating differently, that you are a different person, that you are not defined by your emotions.” — Mel Robbins, from A Bit of Optimism Episode 157 interview

      Two days ago I took all the comfortable habits acquired during the holidays and I threw them in the dumpster. For me, New Year’s resolutions are an artificial timeline that hits too abruptly after the holidays. The decorations are still up, how can we possibly mentally declare we’re on to something new yet? But wait a week or a month, see where we are and where we want to get to and simply begin. Decide what to be and go be it.

      The trick is in that waiting. We must act at some point if we’re going to do anything in this life. I waited because of business travel that would have made everything I expected to do to realize my plan impossible. I began because I saw the runway ahead and knew I was clear for takeoff. The implications are clear; we must be committed to the decisions we make and back them up with action immediately to reinforce the new identity we aspire to reach.

      There is a person in my life who doesn’t like when I use the word must in this blog—as if I’m commanding them to do what I write. I would suggest that we each have agency over ourselves or we don’t, and my use of a word does not translate into a demand for someone else’s action. Simply a demand for my own. Initiative begins within. So what is that voice within telling us? Act on that.

      Where do we want to be tomorrow? Where do we want to be in three months or at the end of this calendar year? Begin with the end in mind, establish and commit to a plan and do the work necessary to execute on that plan. If that sounds too business-like a sentence, so be it. We are in the business of life-optimization, and we must (there’s that word again) not wait, we must act now!

      Realize that the year will fly by like all the rest (Tempus fugit). Realize that there will always be something or someone that will pull us away from what we aspire to be. Action is the only proof of identity. Just what will we realize this year? Go be it.

    • To Build Better Days

      Winter days are growing longer. Have you seen the lingering light? Sure, there will be many more cold days ahead, and many more frigid nights. But the earth is tilting back towards the north, offering a gift of brighter each day.

      Nature offers lessons, should we see them. Our hardest days will pass, should we be resilient. Our darkest days will turn brighter when we become aware of the light. And we ourselves—unkempt, distracted and full of accumulated empty calories, may reset and focus on steady improvement in the key areas of our life. Our path isn’t always ours to determine, but how we react to it is uniquely ours.

      Today is ripe with opportunity or it will surely dash our dreams, ’tis largely up to us to decide. When we feel the world is in a rut, when everything has brought us down into despair or depression, why linger there? The only viable choice is to begin climbing. Now is as good a time as any to reset and begin again. To build better days one choice at a time.

    • Habit-Forming

      “I am playing the long game. I am inculcating habit. I am deepening my practice and my commitment, day by day, day after day. I’m training myself and reinforcing myself every day.” — Stephen Pressfield

      All of this writing builds on the reading and living that led to it. Each day reminds us that we have a long way to go still. May our timeline meet our lofty goals.

      Habits develop simply, but they form our identity by becoming embedded within our being. I may say I’m an early riser or an avid reader or possibly a little better than the average as a writer, but I believe these things to be true because I do each every single day. What completes us? I believe it is that which we wrap around ourselves—our relationships, rituals, routines and yes, our beliefs.

      So we are either delusional or devoted to our craft of identity-building. We may feel that we’re on the right path but sense that our pace is all wrong. To ask where we’re going with all of this is essential, because the path lasts a lifetime and it grows shorter by the day. So just where is all this habit-forming taking us?

    • Love the Day

      “We are always getting ready to live, but never living.” — Ralph Waldo Emerson

      “Love the day.” — Ralph Waldo Emerson

      It seems to me that to make the most of our time we ought to begin early with an adventurous spirit For us to love the day, we should squeeze experience out of it. And if we’re going to squeeze, we might as well seek out the juicy stuff.

      Business travel offers insight into how people choose to live. Some plunge right into the deep end, living as if released from prison and making up for lost time in celebration. Some stick to their routines of strict diet and exercise. Most of us fall somewhere in the middle between moderation and excess, accepting the round of drinks and appetizers while trying to avoid the shots of Jägermeister with a 2 AM cheeseburger chaser. To each their own.

      The more days I accumulate on this planet, the more I recognize that a proper ending to yesterday brings a better beginning to today. A fresh, alert mind rising early to meet the morning is full of potential. To stumble out of the gate because we celebrated late limits our possibilities. A good rule of thumb now is to only say yes to things that will allow us to sleep well after the night is over.

      To love the day is to fully live it. We dare not defer our best to tomorrow! So we ought to be aware and alive now. But always with an eye on improvement. Be bold and alert today, and we will build a stronger foundation for tomorrow.

    • A More Available Life

      “The more you move, the more available you are to chance and little wonders.” — Douglas Westerbeke, A Short Walk Through A Wide World

      To be open to experience is risky. Openness requires more of us than to simply stay in place, doing what we’ve always done, in this familiar way that we’ve always done it. That sentence either sounds like comfort to us or a death sentence, depending on who we have grown to be.

      Westerbeke’s novel is a page-turning wonder itself, as its hero moves through the world. For those of us with travel lust, it stirs those familiar feelings. To leave all of this and go find out more about that, whatever and wherever that is. In experiencing that, we learn a lot about who we are in the process. We are moving beyond the self in such moments. We are living a more available life.

      It sounds wonderful to be forever traveling, forever moving from place to place, as if we’d die if we stayed too long in any one place. In reality, we need a safe harbor to return to now and then, to catch up with old friends and family, to tend a garden and to be there for the harvest, to know the way and what to order at certain restaurants. Familiar has its place in our lives too.

      To weave oneself back into a community is a lovely thing indeed. My barber knows my face and exactly how to cut my hair the moment I walk in the door, even if he hasn’t learned my name in the twenty years I’ve been going there. Honestly, I don’t need him to know my name, only that I’ll be back again in a few weeks to do it all over again. The stories I tell him about where I’ve been since the last time he cut my hair carry him away from that barber shop even as I settle into the familiarity of it.

      As we begin this year, as we venture into an uncertain future, what are we inclined to chance upon? What will we wonder at? Sometimes it’s right in front of us, or within the pages of a book. But often it’s beyond our current experience, simply waiting for us to venture to it. To add venturing to our lives naturally lends itself to more adventure. To go and be and do and yes, to return again forever changed, in the time we have available to us.

      Tempus fugit: Time flies. Every moment of now is rapidly receding into then. How we use now isn’t always up to us, but sometimes—more often that we believe, it is ours alone to spend. Will this day, this year and the balance of our lives be full of familiar routines and comforting safe bets or will we dare to venture beyond?

    • There Was Happiness

      “And will I tell you that these three lived happily ever after? I will not, for no one ever does. But there was happiness. And they did live.” ― Stephen King , The Dark Tower

      Did you watch Stranger Things? Did you care about it at all? The answer to both of those questions was yes for me. Not the emphatic yes! of a super fan, but most certainly a yes. Like Game of Thrones and a few other select shows, it grabbed many people and wouldn’t let go. And the ending was about as good as it could have been. So bravo to the entire crew that put it together, beginning with the Duffer brothers.

      So many stories try to end perfectly, with all the answers sown up neatly to satisfy everyone. Life isn’t so tidy. Sunshine and roses may please the masses as the credits roll or we close the book, but we all return to the reality of life in all its complexity. There are no happily ever afters, but there will be happiness. And that may just be enough. We are as happy as what we choose to focus on in our lives. Mostly it’s mindset that determines our outcomes.

      We simply cannot have all the answers to our questions. Life is full of contradictions. It’s unfair yet seeks balance, complicated yet simple, and of course joyful and devastatingly tragic all at once. No storybook endings, but an end with many questions. We learn and grow and do the best we can along the way. Maybe that’s not enough, or maybe it is everything.

      It may help to remember that every ending is a new beginning. We wake up to a new day and have a choice as to how we react to it. If we hated how yesterday ended, we may write a better story today. If we loved it, build on it. The only way to live is to rise to meet each day as best we can, having learned from the last one. It was never about a happily ever after, it was about rising to meet the future one day at a time.