Alexandersmap

    Category: Personal Growth

    • Beyond the Same Old

      “The measure of success is not whether you have a tough problem to deal with, but whether it’s the same problem you had last year.” — John Foster Dulles

      I first encountered this Dulles quote 25 years ago. I know this because I wrote the date in pencil right next to it. I was a different person then in countless ways, and exactly the same in others. Some positive, transformative growth has happened in that time, and some stubborn habits that hold me back still have a hold of me even now. We all have things that carry us forward or hold us back in our lives, and mostly that’s between our ears.

      If I were to track broken promises to myself over that time, I’d see the same ones appear over and over. We can focus on such things and beat ourselves up, or celebrate the ways in which we’ve grown into a better human. If life has taught me anything, it’s to identify the positive systems, habits and routines that make us incrementally better and do more of those things. There will always be problems and challenges in our lives, the question is whether we’re just repeating ourselves or actually evolving into a person who is more adaptive, resilient and wiser than the person we were before. If so, our problems and challenges will evolve into different ones, indicating progress.

      The alternative to new and greater challenges is having the same ones. That’s as clear an indication of stagnation and being in a rut as any. When we’re in a rut we ought to climb out as soon as possible before it becomes our grave. Countless people go to their graves wishing they’d done something transformative in their lives. We should live our days with Henry David Thoreau’s warning from Walden in mind:

      “Most men, even in this comparatively free country, through mere ignorance and mistake, are so occupied with the factitious cares and superfluously course labors of life that its finer fruits cannot be plucked by them.” Which led to his most famous observation, “The mass of men lead lives of quiet desperation.”

      So what occupies us? What are our own factitious and superfluous labors distracting us from moving past the problems that have nagged us over and over again? We must live creative, bold lives that we may break from the rut altogether and transform ourselves for the better. To be successful, deep down in our own minds, is to transcend who we once were to become something greater.

      The thing is, we know all of this, and yet we still stall out here and there. Our epitaph ought to be more than “steady but unremarkable”. Progress towards remarkable is measured in the value and contribution we bring to the world; to be useful to others and ourselves, and to move that investment ever higher. What is our verse? What is our dent in the universe? What ripple will carry well after we’ve checked out? Do more of that to move beyond the same old problems.

    • The Linen of Words

      All day I work
      with the linen of words

      and the pins of punctuation
      all day I hang out
      over the desk

      grinding my teeth
      staring.
      Then I sleep.
      — Mary Oliver, Work

      Life is change, and our why pivots with it. We may channel this into creative work and find out something about ourselves in the process. One more day blessed with the opportunity to dance with our why to produce a what before we sleep.

      I track the journey from here to there and publish it free for all to see. Some days our journey takes us to faraway, sometimes the journey has us turning inward from a familiar place. We have the luxury of time some days, and the urgency of just a few minutes to spare other days. They all add up to the catalog of work published—our contribution to the Great Conversation.

      This blog post feels incomplete to me, like there’s far more to wrestle with before it’s fully fleshed out. And yet I’m about to publish it anyway. In a way that’s a good metaphor for our lives. We’re all just incomplete souls trying to reach some conclusion that makes sense before we reach ship this work and move on to the next.

      The work will end one day, but [apparently] not today. This linen of words is strung together in a streak of days; breadcrumbs of a life. Words are the glue that holds our collective history together, binding you and I together just as surely as it binds the generations before and after us. That feels more salient than just another blog post.

    • To Be Where I Have Been

      Oh, let the sun beat down upon my face
      And stars fill my dream
      I’m a traveler of both time and space
      To be where I have been
      — Led Zeppelin, Kashmir

      We walk on familiar ground most days. Even the avid travelers tend to cross their wake more often than one would expect. I’ve gone through the same security line countless times at the airport on journeys to faraway places, just as sailors note the mouth of the river as the beginning of their next passage. The destinations change, just as we do, yet that which we’ve seen before sends us off or welcomes us back.

      Each day at home is a routine of familiarity. This may be seen as reprovisioning the body and soul (and wallet) before the next voyage, or a welcome embrace back to where we feel we belong. I plot my next trip even now, yet still grow a garden. We nomads are complicated creatures.

      There are voyages to places, and voyages in our personal development. We need both to feel complete on the journey. Perhaps at our final destination we’ll finally feel satiated, but I believe we just get tired. Growth is our ongoing mission, start to finish, wherever that ends up being. We may have hopes and dreams and a clear path to take us there and still never arrive at any of it. Then again, we may just stumble upon it and realize we’ve arrived sooner than expected.

    • The Yes Behind the No

      I recently looked at a boat, thinking it would be a very nice time to shift back to boat life. I’ve since backed away from that particular boat, for now, that I might make the most of the ripening moments at hand. The boat and I have an understanding that we may meet again someday. If it’s meant to be.

      We say yes to some things knowing that we’re saying no to other things. That’s the lesson every child must learn to become an adult. We can’t have it all, no matter how much money or power we attain in our lives. There’s always a no hiding behind a yes.

      We all know some people who should be adults who refuse to take no for an answer. Give them enough power and they’re capable of making life miserable for the rest of us. Wars are started because people can’t stand a no. But no’s will always be there, mocking us as we grab every yes, creating yet another no.

      Like a heartbeat, drives you mad
      In the stillness of remembering what you had
      And what you lost
      And what you had
      And what you lost
      — Fleetwood Mac, Dreams

      The very best humans are those who love the yes they’re living, with a gentle nod to the no they’re leaving to whither on the vine. That’s not a call to settle for less than we’re capable of, merely a nod to knowing when you reach your dreams and loving them for what they are. The yes will always be there, awaiting the right time. If it never arrives perhaps it wasn’t meant to. The most essential thing, I think, is to be fully aware of the yes we’ve let into our lives.

    • Foundations

      “Mistakes are, after all, the foundations of truth, and if a man does not know what a thing is, it is at least an increase in knowledge if he knows what it is not.” ― Carl Jung

      Navigating years as they unfold may make us more intelligent, or less so, depending on the lessons learned along the way. I’m shocked at the distinct lack of intelligence displayed in some people my age or well past it. I’m impressed with the brilliance and maturity of some people much younger than me. I’m sure I shock them at times too by what I don’t know at my own age. Such is the journey through time for each individual.

      We all ought to make more mistakes along the way if only to figure out that we should take another path to becoming. Fear of mistakes is what keeps us from going anywhere at all. There are times in our life when we debate whether to take a hard left instead of staying on a familiar course. Both are deeply impactful, but which elevates our experience the most? Life is full of such forks, and most follow the path well-travelled. And that makes a difference too.

      We don’t learn and grow by staying the same. We must challenge ourselves in new ways, that we may build a stronger foundation from which to see the world differently. Our lifetime of learning and experience, reflected and acted upon, carries us to a greater and more profound identity. It’s right here in front of us, where we might ask once again, what next?

    • For Such a Time As This

      “And who knoweth whether thou art not therefore come to the kingdom, that thou mightest be ready in such a time as this?” — Esther 4:14

      Is your glass half full or half empty? Mine tends to be half full. That doesn’t mean I go through life with blinders on, just that I find the silver lining in the rain cloud. So what if we get a little wet? That’s how we grow.

      Living a great life is indeed an art, but like all artists we can learn and grow into our work. These are our days, such as they are. We can treat it as winning the lottery or a tough break in the timing. I’ll choose the former, thank you. There’s nothing to be gained from cursing our own existence in the time and place we landed. Double down on dancing and dare them to think us crazy.

      If we are to believe we hit the birth lottery by being born at all, then we ought to make the most of it. We’re all playing with house money living here and now. We can be frivolous with our time or frugal, but it will slip away from our grasp just the same. Purpose is the answer, I should think. When we contribute to something bigger than ourselves we find a bit of immortality, for that ripple continues on beyond our small splash. Knowing this, perhaps we may let that embolden us to reach higher and wider.

    • No Time for Fog

      “Be clearly aware of the stars and infinity on high. Then life seems almost enchanted after all.”
      ― Vincent Van Gogh

      Some days the enchantment of living boils down to how well you slept the night before. I’m blessed with more restful nights than restless, which I suppose leads to more awareness and, it follows, enchantment with the universe. For those other days? There’s always coffee or a plunge into cold water. If we are otherwise healthy, we must approach our days with urgency and the belief that we have no time to waste wandering around in a fog.

      I’m quite aware that I’m falling behind on the journey to personal excellence (arete). That’s not an indictment on the generally good person I try to be, more an acknowledgement that we humans have a long hill to climb and I started paying attention late in the game. We ought to be born feeling the urgency, but most of us figure it out after enough trips around the sun.

      The thing is, we can’t walk around all day with our head in the clouds. There’s no time for fog when we wish to visit the stars in our brief dance. So when we encounter it we ought to strive to rise above it. That requires a steady climb to a higher plane with the dogged attitude that we must do something in our time. Arete is reserved for the gods, of course, not us humans. All we can do is strive to meet our potential and find enchantment on the climb.

    • Momentum in the Moments

      “We should tell ourselves, once and for all, that it is the first duty of the soul to become as happy, complete, independent, and great as lies in its power. Herein is no egoism, or pride. To become effectually generous and sincerely humble there must be within us a confident, tranquil, and clear comprehension of all that we owe to ourselves.” ― Maurice Maeterlinck, Wisdom and Destiny

      We must first reach for our own potential, that we might fully lend it to others. Put another way, we must become increasingly necessary to those around us through the value we bring. Value is our accumulated skills, knowledge and presence applied to contribution. To make a greater contribution, we must build up our value.

      When I look at my career, the times when I’ve been happiest are when I’ve been able to contribute something substantial to the overall cause. The times when I’ve been most miserable in my work are almost always when I feel like I’m not contributing my full value and I’ve lost my way. The thing is, these feelings come well after the work that it took to arrive there, for momentum is built in the moments leading to it.

      This is most obvious in how we feel about our fitness level. If we’re feeling fit, it’s generally because of all the work that led us to physical fitness. Working out can be tedious when we view it as something we have to do. When it becomes part of our identity it’s simply part of our days. And this applies to everything else we do in life: reading and learning, writing and artistic expression, connection to the people in our lives, and our continual development in the self.

      Excellence is a habit. But so is laziness, sloth and a bankrupt soul. Both ends of the spectrum are paths built on the moments that precede our arrival there. We must choose how we spend our days accordingly and build momentum in the right things. So it is that nothing is more important in a brief life than our self development, that we may be more valuable to ourselves and others in the moments to come.

    • The Journey Continues

      Oh, if a tree could wander
      and move with foot and wings!
      It would not suffer the axe blows
      and not the pain of saws!

      For would the sun not wander
      away in every night ?
      How could at ev’ry morning
      the world be lighted up?

      And if the ocean’s water
      would not rise to the sky,
      How would the plants be quickened
      by streams and gentle rain?

      The drop that left its homeland,
      the sea, and then returned ?
      It found an oyster waiting
      and grew into a pearl.

      Did Yusaf not leave his father,
      in grief and tears and despair?
      Did he not, by such a journey,
      gain kingdom and fortune wide?

      Did not the Prophet travel
      to far Medina, friend?
      And there he found a new kingdom
      and ruled a hundred lands.

      You lack a foot to travel?
      Then journey into yourself!
      And like a mine of rubies
      receive the sunbeams? print!

      Out of yourself ? such a journey
      will lead you to your self,
      It leads to transformation
      of dust into pure gold!
      — Mewlana Jalaluddin Rumi, If a Tree could Wander

      After a couple of months of earnest, enlightening travel, New Hampshire greeted me with pollen and Trump signs. Not the welcome home I’d have chosen for myself. We must be crazy, mustn’t we, to revisit the same irritants year after year?

      People try so hard to hold on to what always has been for them, instead of trying something different now and then. A walk around the World Showcase Lagoon at Epcot is not international travel any more than taking a cruise that drops you in a few places for a few hours each is, but at least it’s a small step into the unknown. Likewise, going to an Ethiopian restaurant isn’t the same as going to the country, but it sure as hell helps the family running the restaurant and might just inspire another step further into the world. A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step, as Lao Tzu put it.

      We don’t know how far our journey will take us, but we ought to venture while we can. Do the things that challenge our perception of the world. Give others the freedom to follow their own path, that they may broaden our own perspective. It’s not such a far-fetched concept, is it? We must go through our lives knowing we’re taking a first step into the unknown with every step. Change is the only constant.

      So where do we go from here? Bold and audacious challenges, or shrinking to fit who we once were? Those shoes don’t fit anymore friend—we’ve come too far in our development to squeeze back into some idolized version of who we once were. Set a course and step to it. The journey into the self continues.

    • Significance

      “What counts in life is not the mere fact that we have lived. It is what difference we have made to the lives of others that will determine the significance of the life we lead.” — Nelson Mandela

      The unsaid part of that quote is that we may make a positive difference in the lives of others or a negative one, both may of course be significant. There are plenty of people who choose the latter path, we may balance that with our positive contribution. Add enough positive and we may break the chain of bad behavior someday. Maybe not in our own lifetime, but hey, we can’t stop now. There’s no rest now in our quest to make a positive difference.

      When we think about the things that are significant for us, the things that anchor us to this time and place, what stands out? Isn’t it the trusted relationships formed? Family and teams and kindred spirits create a common bond and fuel purpose. We rise to meet the needs of the tribe, because the tribe has been there when we needed them.

      When I question why I’m writing a blog, it usually comes down to questions of significance, not what I’m personally getting out of the act. Same for the job I’m in. Does the work matter or is it a means to an end? To matter—to be significant, we must contribute something. What’s it all about Alfie? When you walk let your heart lead the way.

      A word like significance can be overwhelming. We think of someone like a Nelson Mandela making positive change at a global level and believe, “That’s not me”. I bet he had his own moments of doubt along the way during those decades in a prison cell. The answer is to focus on the most immediate—the person right in front of us, or the person reading this blog who has invested some of their own precious time to hear what we have to say (thank you). Together we may create exponential positive change, but it has to start somewhere. Why not with us?