Alexandersmap

    Category: Personal Growth

    • That Which is Moved By Itself

      “All soul is immortal. For that which is always in movement is immortal; that which moves something else, and is moved by something else, in ceasing from movement ceases from living. So only that which moves itself, because it does not abandon itself, never stops moving. But it is also source and first principle of movement for the other things which move. Now a first principle is something which does not come into being. For all that comes into being must come into being from a first principle, but a first principle itself cannot come into being from anything at all; for if a first principle came into being from anything, it would not do so from a first principle. Since it is something that does not come into being, it must also be something which does not perish. For if a first principle is destroyed, neither will it ever come into being from anything itself nor will anything else come into being from it, given that all things must come into being from a first principle. It is in this way, then, that that which moves itself is a first principle of movement. It is not possible for this either to be destroyed or to come into being, or else the whole universe and the whole of that which comes to be might collapse together and come to a halt, and never again have a source from which things will be moved and come to be. And since that which is moved by itself has been shown to be immortal, it will incur no shame to say that this is the essence and the definition of the soul” ― Plato, Phaedrus

      “Greece’s great men let all their acts turn on the immortality of the soul. We don’t really act as if we believed in the soul’s immortality and that’s why we are where we are today.” ― Edith Hamilton

      The immortality of the soul is not a topic to be taken lightly. There are all sorts of questions that come to mind when we really think about our souls and things beyond ourselves. We might lean into religion for the safety of structure. We might lean into philosophy and the rigidity of full-on debate about such things as first principles. We might meditate or walk in the wilderness or stare down steep waves as we cross angry oceans on a quest for answers within. Whatever the path, we ought to keep moving forward towards personal insight and enlightenment.

      Living in the noise and fog of life is mere distraction. We grab for our share and maybe a little bit more. In all that vulgarity of shouting to be heard and finger-pointing and behind-the-scenes manipulation, where do we find time for personal reflection? Without silent contemplation, where is there room for a moment of clarity? Must every life be a power grab and a scramble for the top? That’s a great way to get kicked in the teeth. Yet we must fight for our place in a world that views every soul a pawn—mustn’t we?

      Human nature being what it is, there ought to be lane markers that keep us from straying towards our worst traits. There ought to be checks and balances and a code of conduct. And there ought to be laws based on morality and the common good. Fortunately, our ancestors learned from mistakes made and created the structure we need to coexist and grow. But humanity has a short memory and there’s always someone who will game the system in their favor. And so we must be diligent in holding our collective self to a higher standard. We tend to fall short now and then in this respect.

      And this is where our personal code of conduct becomes essential to living an enlightened, fulfilling life. We aren’t here to bruise and batter the soul in relentless pursuit of more, we’re here to nurture and grow our soul into something bigger and better than where we started. Immortality is a fools game for these frail bodies of ours, but the soul, well, we can live in such a way that we send it off with some momentum. Whatever comes next could surely use a better collection of souls to work with.

      With that in mind, we ought to keep trying to improve the soup we’re swimming in now as well. If this is the collection of souls that are following us for eternity, then we ought to do something in our brief lifetimes that moves the chains in profound and meaningful ways for the whole of humanity. To live our lives in such a way that our fellow inhabitants and future generations have something to hold onto in their time. We’re all in this together, marching towards immortal clarity.

      So we ought to do the right thing. Simple, right? We’ll know it when we take the time to feel it. It begins with knowing where we began and who we want to become. When viewed through the lens of an immortal soul that transcends our physical self, that clarity becomes more attainable. Think about the people we’ve known in our lifetimes who have transcended death. Their souls still warm us and help direct us in our lives. We, in turn, may shape our lives in such a way that we may carry that warmth and direction to others, who will then do the same for as long as there are human souls. That’s a path to immortality available to all of us.

    • Our Sine Qua Non

      “Taking charge of your own learning is a part of taking charge of your life, which is the sine qua non in becoming an integrated person.” ― Warren Bennis

      Sine qua non (without which, not) is that essential ingredient in the recipe that brings everything else together. It’s not a phrase we’re likely to throw out there when we’re discussing the oil in the engine with our mechanic, but we can see how it could be. When applied to our identity, it’s the essence of who we are. When applied to who we might become, it’s the essential things that we must master within ourselves to close the gap and be that next person.

      Warren Bennis was one of the first business gurus I followed early in my career. I’d fancied myself a leader and his books on leadership were insightful and inspiring. There was a big gap between where I was in my career and where I thought I ought to be, but knowing that gap we begin to make choices that bring us closer to where we want to be. Remove the corporate aspirations, as I eventually did, and we’re left with a credo for personal leadership in any situation. We take charge of our lives when we embrace our own personal growth.

      So what of becoming an integrated person? What exactly does that demand of us? Isn’t it another way of saying we’re fully optimizing ourselves? This requires balance in our fitness, in our relationships, in spirituality and in whatever it is that calls us to greatness in our craft. Everything we become is an output of what we bring in, processed by that great differentiator that is our essential identity, and placed out in the world for the world to try to understand.

      We are each unique actors—we all have our verse, as Whitman put it—and we each grow into ourselves. All while dancing with the world as the character we are in that moment. Our essence remains the same, but we change over time. Some change is deliberate (decide what to be and go be it), some is environmental (we are the average of the five people we surround ourselves with) and some is born within us as natural talent or inclination that we lean into as it speaks to us. The trick is to keep growing in ways that makes us more complete.

      Sine qua non is a useful lens through which to view our growth: Without learning this, I will not become that. Without doing this exercise more consistently, I will never get to a point where I can do that other thing. Without writing every day I’ll never develop the self-understanding and proficiency to both know myself and to grow in the craft I aspire to master. Each “without” points towards the essence of what must be to become what we may be.

      As we close out yet another year on the planet, we begin to think about the possibility of whom we might become in the next year. There’s a place in our lives for the well-timed leap, but we ought to remember that big leaps can be bruising if we don’t land where we anticipated. Leaps are often a sign of impatience with where we are versus where we want to be. Small, incremental improvements seem to be the best way to close gaps. We can then naturally step across that once-daunting chasm towards what we want to become.

    • Going Our Way

      “What do you think of yourself? What do you think of the world? Are you a mere machine, and is your consciousness, as has been said, a mere resultant? Is the world a mere fact suggesting nothing beyond itself worth thinking about? These are questions with which all must deal as it seems good to them. They are riddles of the Sphinx, and in some way or other we must deal with them. If we decide to leave them unanswered, that is a choice. If we waver in our answer, that too is a choice; but whatever choice we make, we make it at our peril. If a man chooses to turn his back altogether on God and the future, no one can prevent him. No one can show beyond all reasonable doubt that he is mistaken. If a man thinks otherwise, and acts as he thinks, I do not see how anyone can prove that he is mistaken. Each must act as he thinks best, and if he is wrong so much the worse for him. We stand on a mountain pass in the midst of whirling snow and blinding mist, through which we get glimpses now and then of paths which may be deceptive. If we stand still, we shall be frozen to death. If we take the wrong road, we shall be dashed to pieces. We do not certainly know whether there is any right one. What must we do? ‘Be strong and of a good courage.’ Act for the best, hope for the best, and take what comes. Above all, let us dream no dreams, and tell no lies, but go our way, wherever it may lead, with our eyes open and our heads erect. If death ends all, we cannot meet it better. If not, let us enter whatever may be the next scene like honest men, with no sophistry in our mouths and no masks on our faces.” — Fitz James Stephen, Liberty, Equality, Fraternity

      We must do our best to find our way in the storm, going our way with faith that it’s the right path. We ought to be true to ourselves in this quest and proceed with eyes wide open. Above all, we must keep moving forward, despite the whirl of confusion and chaos that life throws our way. Perhaps religion is the compass that points the way, or maybe philosophy. Maybe the way is unsaid at all, but a series of norms and values developed into a personal code of living that remains unsanctioned by church and state but works for us in our lifetime. When we live in a free society we get to choose. We ought to appreciate this knowing that not everyone has this freedom to live without a mask.

      Stephen was a champion for law and morality, writing Liberty, Equality, Fraternity as an argument against the utilitarianism of John Stuart Mill. Essentially saying to have some moral core and structure in your life instead of simply pursuing happiness and “what feels good in the moment”. Mill wasn’t promoting decadence, but the intellectual freedom to stray off the rigid path others built for us to travel down. Who says they knew the way? Well, they did.

      When we look around at the world of today, it feels like the [free] world has tipped decidedly towards trying to be happy versus being purposefully and morally focused. When we hear people talk of morality nowadays, we view it with skepticism more often than not because there’s so many damned charlatans out there it’s hard to take anyone’s moral code at face value. Still, there’s so much unhappiness in the world. If everyone were happy there’d be no need for people saying they know the way.

      Ultimately, we ought to lean into doing the right thing, and not simply following someone who says that they know the way. But how do we find that right path? That’s the trick, isn’t it? The answer develops through learning which paths are available to us, which are dead ends or lead off a cliff, and which lead us to the promised land (whatever that means to us). No wonder people are frozen in place—there’s simply no shortcut to enlightenment and self-understanding. We must go our own way and find out in the going.

      The thing is, we tend to overcomplicate things. Intellectual debates about morality and law versus utilitarianism and liberalism is simply people like us trying to figure it all out, but with a superior vocabulary and an inclination towards exceedingly long paragraphs. There’s truth and insight on both sides of the debate, and we may choose the best of everything when plotting our own course out of the storm. We ought to appreciate the opportunity to choose while giving other’s reasonable freedom to choose their path as well. Go your own way, I’ll go mine, and let’s not infringe on each other’s path to enlightenment. We’ll see how it all turns out in the end.

    • Pick Your Moment

      “Pick your moment and the sea will do what it can for you, however small the boat and however unpracticed the helm. The wind was steady on the beam, and as it says in the old Gaelic song, it felt as if Freyja ‘would cut a thin oat straw with the excellence of her going.’

      This moment of ecstatic ease is the significant historical fact. Anywhere that can be reached on a calm day will be reached. What matters is the invitation, not the threat, and if there is an opening, people will take it…

      The peopling of the Shiants is only one fragment of an endless chain. That is why this crossing of a potentially alarming sea, at a moment which is picked because the weather is kind and the spring is coming, because the tide is running with you and the sun is out, when you can see where you are going and you have everything you need, is one of the deepest of all historical experiences. Don’t imagine the past as a place full of catastrophe and horror. This is its colour: a chance fairly taken, a sense of happiness in the light of spring. The Minch is laced with the wakes of ancestors and this wonderful, easy-limbed stirring of Freyja on the long Atlantic swell is a stirring of the past. I smile in the boat now and open my face to the warmth of the sun and the shining of the sky.” — Adam Nicolson, Sea Room

      “While you see a chance, take it.” — Steve Winwood

      When shall we leap? When is that moment when we look around and say, “It’s now or never” and go beyond our norm? We each have these moments in our lives when we see the gap and decide it’s not all that far of a leap after all. Perhaps we’ve closed it with growth. Perhaps we’ve built a strong enough foundation that it’s not so much a leap as it is a natural next step. Perhaps. But there’s still that gap… until finally we close it. Or perhaps we reach our limit, never to be closed. What will it be?

      The breathtaking beauty of Nicolson’s prose was masterfully set up in story-after-story of tragedy at sea. Of “the Stream of the Blue Men” that is the unpredictable and unforgiving Minch sinking boats and taking the lives of leapers for centuries before. We know of places like this—places that will take the lives of the unprepared and unlucky alike. Mountains and oceans, whole continents full of wild things. Flight and now space. Frontiers are meant to be conquered, as they say. The gap between who we are and what we’ll become are meant to be closed. What matters is the invitation, not the threat. This is the way we progress. Just pick your moment.

      But don’t wait forever. The gap is our game, but the clock is our nemesis. We aren’t getting any younger, friend. Tempus fugit: carpe diem. We ought to leap when the leaping looks good.

    • Reading Good Books

      “The art of not reading is a very important one. It consists in not taking an interest in whatever may be engaging the attention of the general public at any particular time. When some political or ecclesiastical pamphlet, or novel, or poem is making a great commotion, you should remember that he who writes for fools always finds a large public. A precondition for reading good books is not reading bad ones: for life is short.” ― Arthur Schopenhauer, Essays and Aphorisms

      This year, speeding right along as it does, is reminding me that the reading has slowed considerably. When the year is done I’ll have read fewer books than I did a year ago, but on the whole better books. Foundational books, pointed to by authors I’ve admired in quotes and breathless recollection. Some history, some philosophy, some great fiction and some regional travel books too. But very few of what used to be called dime store novels—those books that were cheap, popular and formulaic. It’s not that they aren’t fun to read now and then, it’s that they keep me from reading something better.

      To keep improving we must continue to find and consume the most nutritious ideas we can feed our minds. But we can’t stop there, for ideas left adrift are doomed to float away on a sea of words, forever lost in the noise. We must write about the things we encounter, re-read key passages to understand and then make something of them. To become a better person we must raise the average—our average.

      To be an avid reader, we need to have a lifestyle that supports reading. Comfortable chairs in well-lit spaces are wonderful, but it’s more than where we place our bottom—it’s how comfortable we are in that space to open up a portal to another world right there and then. I can read just as easily in a cramped middle seat in coach as I can in a leather recliner in warm natural lighting. To immerse ourselves in anything we’ve got to feel comfortable enough in the act to take the plunge. The people who surround us are more essential to this than any architectural detail. The driver’s seat in our automobiles are a great place to read architecturally, until we start driving and must pay attention to more important things (perhaps someone can mention that to the people with their noses in their phone zipping along in the high speed lane?).

      Once we’ve established a supportive reading environment, we ought to continue raising the bar on what we read. I’m a big fan of a few e-book writers for the page-turner fiction they write, but like sugar I’ve learned that a little goes a long way while a lot will have negative consequences. A healthy ratio of nutrition balances out the empty calories. Better choices in reading material lifts us to places unseen previously. Our view expands as we rise higher and higher up the stack of books.

      It’s too soon for a best books of the year summary, for there’s still a few strong candidates on the shelf awaiting their turn. But looking back at the year, I’m pleased with the best of the books I’ve read for the life-changing impact they’re having. The very best books, no matter the genre, lift us up in this way. The magic in reading is finding the gold. Sure, we may stumble upon a gem on the surface now and then, but to find the richest content we’ve got to mine deeper.

      It’s true that not reading is an art in itself. A useful filter we ought to apply more often in favor of better choices. Choosing to read, but digesting better reads. Tempus fugit: time flies. So read the great stuff first. Perhaps it will be that gem we’ll want to ponder and write about ourselves.

    • The Warm Glow

      You start dying slowly
      if you do not travel,
      if you do not read,
      If you do not listen to the sounds of life,
      If you do not appreciate yourself.
      You start dying slowly
      When you kill your self-esteem;
      When you do not let others help you.
      You start dying slowly
      If you become a slave of your habits,
      Walking everyday on the same paths…
      If you do not change your routine,
      If you do not wear different colours
      Or you do not speak to those you don’t know.
      You start dying slowly
      If you avoid to feel passion
      And their turbulent emotions;
      Those which make your eyes glisten
      And your heart beat fast.
      You start dying slowly
      If you do not change your life when you are not satisfied with your job, or with your love,
      If you do not risk what is safe for the uncertain,
      If you do not go after a dream,
      If you do not allow yourself,
      At least once in your lifetime,
      To run away from sensible advice.
      ― Martha Medeiros, A Morte Devagar

      One ought to drop the mic and walk away after a quote like this, but a blog isn’t simply leaving the words of others on a post and none of our own. We ought to contribute something in our time, especially when prompted so vibrantly. And it should be noted, we ought to live largely, that we might have something to say about the matter when prompted in such a way.

      Taking stock of the year, do we feel gratitude for the experiences we’ve had? Have we tried new recipes and dishes? Gone to performances that took our breath away? Visited places near and far just to see what all the fuss was about? Have we gathered with loved ones and laughed with friends? I hope so for you, and it surely has been so for me. May we all feel the warm glow of a life well-lived.

      They say that firewood warms us three times: when we cut it, when we split it and finally when we burn it. Life is similar, isn’t it? We are warmed by memories of a good life, warmed by how we live our life today, and warmed with a sense of hope for the future. So by all means, we must keep the journal and take the photographs, be bold in our choices today, and make those reservations for those experiences of tomorrow with the hope that we’ll arrive to dance with it.

    • Moving Forward

      A long time
      It’s taken me
      But I’ve figured out
      Now to some degree
      This life
      It happens fast
      I’ll enjoy the time in this hour glass
      Yes I will will will oh yes I will
      
Yeah, I’ve looked
      And what I see
      It’s not what’ve been
      It’s whatcha gonna be
      ‘Cause this world
      We’re walking through
      It’ll dig you out
      Or will bury you
      — Layup, I’m Alive

      The other day my bride and I went out to a local place for dinner and conversation. We secured two seats at the bar right away and celebrated our small victory with cocktails. The gent at the barstool next to me was talkative and we began chatting about the menu and local restaurants and eventually got down to the truth of the matter. He was divorced and alone on a Friday night and missing his wife and kids. He was filling holes in his life wherever he could, but not the biggest hole in his life. Not yet friend, but keep moving forward: This too shall pass.

      Bono and U2 wrote a song about his friend Michael Hutchence from INXS after the latter’s suicide. Hutchence seemed to have it all, but spiraled into a place where he killed himself despite fame, fortune, good looks and good friends. As Bono observed,

      You’ve got yourself stuck in a moment
      And you can’t get out of it

      The whole point of being alive is to grow and to keep reaching for our potential. There will be plenty of setbacks and hurdles along the way that make it all feel meaningless and futile. It’s all part of the climb. Our story in the end is not who we were, but who we become despite it all. The trick is to keep moving forward to that someone better. It’s usually closer than we believe in the moment.

      Moving forward doesn’t mean forgetting the lessons of the past. For those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it, as George Santayana stated so well. We are the sum of all of our parts; the good, the bad and the ugly. It takes time to find all three within us, and to push aside the aspects of our identity we don’t want to dance with anymore. The thing is, when we take that weight off our shoulders we become lighter on our feet, more nimble, and in turn, more alive.

    • Designing the Sweet Life (La Dolce Vita)

      “A man must find his occasions in himself, it is true. The natural day is very calm, and will hardly reprove his indolence.” ― Henry David Thoreau, Walden

      In a full confession that will surprise no one in my circle of friends and family, I struggle with the act of idleness. I rarely sit still, even on vacation, choosing to explore whatever place I find myself in, and too often stack too many activities into those “idle” days. There’s no lying on the beach for hours for me. The default is activity over idleness. I marvel at the pets for their ability to simply nap away hours of a day. If I nap at all I set the alarm for 15 minutes and get right back to moving about as soon as possible. And the idea of sleeping in? There is no snooze alarm in my world.

      But that doesn’t translate to being productive all of the time. We can putter about without really getting anything done. The world is full of people quietly quitting the work they have in front of them. There are plenty of people opting out of frenetic lifestyles. There are whole cultures built around the sweetness of doing nothing (dolce far niante: I’m looking at you Italy). So how do we restless souls learn to chill out a bit and live the sweet life (la dolce vita) ourselves?

      “Doing less meaningless work, so that you can focus on things of greater personal importance, is NOT laziness. This is hard for most to accept, because our culture tends to reward personal sacrifice instead of personal productivity.” ― Timothy Ferriss, The 4-Hour Workweek

      The thing is, Thoreau and Ferriss, both known for promoting more strategic idleness in our days, have also produced some significant work that resonates beyond the moment they created it. For all their perceived idleness, there’s an underlying productivity hidden in plain sight. That’s what people miss in the idea of la dolce vita—it’s living the sweet life while still keeping the lights on with productive work. It seems we can have it all, if we create a lifestyle that is both pleasurable and productive.

      The trick is being far more strategic in our productivity, thus giving breathing room for idleness. We ought to know what we’re really setting out to do in this lifetime, and break that down into milestones. Milestones in turn are achieved through work strategically designed into our days. If that sounds like the antithesis of dolce far niante, well, I understand. But it really is the essence of living Thoreau’s “natural day”: filled with enough idle time to feel we’re not cogs in a machine while still producing something memorable.

      Productivity (and idleness) requires focus. Doing the work that matters most in the moment and then get on with living that sweet life. We’re all students of maximizing the potential of our lifetime. We ought to know what makes life sweet, and also meaningful. Designing a pace of life that balances the two is the essence of a sweet life.

      Ultimately, designing a lifestyle that maximizes our potential should be our focus. But potential for what? Wealth? Fame? Isn’t it really time spent doing the things that makes a life sweet? Time with people who matter a great deal to us. Time doing the things that make life a pleasure. Time structured in a way that it doesn’t feel like we’re biding our time but living it.

      So the question when designing a lifestyle is, “what will maximize the number of beautiful moments we may stack together in this finite lifespan?” Nothing brings focus to our days like remembering we only have so many of them. Memento mori. Stop wasting time thinking about it and go live it, today and every day we’re blessed with. The Italians are on to something, don’t you think?

    • Reminiscing

      Friday night, it was late, I was walking you home
      We got down to the gate and I was dreaming of the night
      Would it turn out right
      Now as the years roll on
      Each time we hear our favorite song
      The memories come along
      Older times we’re missing
      Spending the hours reminiscing
      Hurry, don’t be late, I can hardly wait
      I said to myself when we’re old
      We’ll go dancing in the dark
      Walking through the park and reminiscing

      — Little River Band, Reminiscing

      I may write about it now and then, but I’m generally too busy living in the present to dwell on the past. That doesn’t mean I don’t fondly reminisce about the best days, while cringing now and then at the worst days. Life lessons, each and every moment along the way.

      The benefit of a journal, let alone a daily blog, is seeing just who you were then. Who had those dreams and aspirations, doubts and fears? How did it turn out in the end? How have we turned out, this work in progress marching through time?

      Reminiscing isn’t simply living in the past, it’s rewinding ourselves to another version of us and seeing what we’ve learned through our experiences since then. It’s not so much dancing in the dark as putting a spotlight on progress made. Though dancing in the dark to the right music sounds lovely too, don’t you think? What tune are we singing lately? Will we reminisce about it as fondly?

    • Worthy of Becoming

      “What makes a man beautiful? Isn’t it being an excellent man? And so, if you wish to be beautiful, young man, work at this, the acquisition of human excellence. But what is this? Observe who you praise, when you praise many people without partiality: do you praise the fair or the unfair? ‘The fair.’ Do you praise the moderate or the immoderate? ‘The moderate.’ And the temperate or the intemperate? ‘The temperate.’ Therefore, you know if you make yourself a person like those who you praise, you will know that you will make yourself beautiful: but so long as you neglect these things, you must be ugly, even though you arrange all you can to appear beautiful.” — Epictetus, The Discourses

      We all aspire to something. Beauty. Power. Wealth. Fame. What we might become prods us along, becoming our why. This blog was born out of a desire to be a better writer, to express through a keyboard all the things I’d deferred in favor of other aspirations. That I stick with it is telling, for it betrays who I wish to become with every post.

      There’s been a steady improvement in the writer (perhaps also the writing) as change is documented, great works are read, routines are attempted. That he remains imperfect speaks to how far he had to go. He rarely speaks in the third person so this must be a very serious point. Or tongue-in-cheek. One never knows with this writer… and by that I mean one always knows.

      The thing is, the progress is there when we go look for it, when we have an aspiration worthy of pursuit. When we pass that magical ten thousand hour milestone, we believe we might just be mastering something but have learned just enough to realize we’ve got so very far to go. We never master anything, we only pursue excellence from a higher plane. But isn’t the view that much better? Just look at how far we’ve climbed!

      Any hiker will tell us this is a false summit. It feels like we’ve arrived but soon realize that it isn’t the summit at all, simply a small rise before we descend again to begin the next ascent. This can be crushing for the undisciplined, or simply a part of the climb for those who are more resilient. The trick is to stop looking around and start climbing again. Just good enough isn’t what we aspired to when we began this journey.

      Since we can’t possibly climb every summit in a lifetime, we must choose what we’ll aspire to master and what we’ll choose to be average or poor at. We ought to choose to fail at the things that won’t matter in the end that we may put all of our energy into developing within ourselves that which is truly beautiful. Arete—personal excellence, is our true summit, and thus worthy of the climb.