Alexandersmap

    Category: Personal Growth

    • Sun, Sand and Time Travel

      Friday morning, one last meeting in Buffalo, New York before I turn East and head home to New Hampshire. As I look at the calculated time necessary to get to my appointment I consider two quotes I’ve read this week on our perception of time. It’s a human creation, and as the saying goes, its relative. What is hard and fast is our small blip of “time” on the planet, so best to get to those priorities now. I love this reminder from De Mello of the trick time and the speed of light play on us when we look up at the sun:

      “When you see the sun, you’re seeing it where it was eight and a half minutes ago, not where it is now. Because it takes a ray of the sun eight and a half minutes to get to us. So you’re not seeing it where it is; it’s now somewhere else.” – Anthony De Mello

      “As you get older, and the patterns become more obvious, time speeds up. Especially once you find your groove in the working world. The layout of your days becomes predictable, a routine, and once your brain reliably knows what’s next, it reclines and closes its eyes. Time pours through your hands like sand.” – Jedidian Jenkins, To Shake The Sleeping Self

      I’m thankful for travel, for it keeps me on my toes. And I’m thankful for reading so many new perspectives this year that force me to reconsider my perceptions. Time does indeed seem to accelerate as you get older, and this pair of quotes points out that it’s never really what we think it is anyway. So make the most of the moment, for time – whatever it is – is slipping by. All this inspires me to visit a tropical beach again as soon as possible. Where you spend your time counts too.

    • A Healthy March To 100

      Watching my father and other older people in my life struggle with brain health has been a wake-up call for me.  I’ve been too complacent in what I put in my mouth, and I’ve been adjusting my dietary intake over the last few months as a corrective measure.  There are three things that I’m most concerned about as I get older: Brain health, heart health and avoiding cancer as long as possible on my march to 100.  We can’t control everything, but we can control what we eat and drink.  So with that in mind, there are the foods that most experts agree improve your overall health and resilience, and the foods that are harmful to your health.  It seems simple to adjust the menu accordingly.

      “Good” foods include fatty cold water fish like salmon, blue fish and sardines, blueberries, green leafy vegetables like kale and spinach, extra virgin olive oil, avocados, eggs, seeds and nuts and dark chocolate(!).  Wash it all down with lots of water, coffee and tea and some red wine in moderation.  Hey!  This is pretty much my diet already!  Easy, right?

      “Bad” foods include french fries, hot dogs and hamburgers, donuts, cheese, refined carbs like white rice and foods associated with high mercury like tuna.  Wash this toxic mix down with soft drinks (either regular or diet) and alcohol and you’re asking for trouble…..   I have work to do on this one. I dropped all sugar drinks and largely avoid artificial sweeteners, but tuna, bacon, burgers and cheese are tough subtractions. Making them a rare treat instead of a regular part of the menu is a good step forward.

      The x factor is exercise and sleep.  I used to pride myself on working on five hours of sleep.  No longer.  I sleep until I wake up, and I’m not shy about going to bed earlier than everyone else in the house.  I like getting up early, I just need to go to bed earlier to make up for it.  Exercise is the one that misses the mark too often for me, and it’s the one I’m focused on most now.  Walk, row, hike, bike and swim.  Those are my favorite exercises, and they all lend themselves to better health.  But listening to a Tim Ferriss podcast with Peter Attia woke me up.  Attia talked about the “Centennial Olympics”, which for him means being healthy enough to lift a great-grandchild or get up off the floor by yourself when you’ve been playing with them.  Dial that back factoring in the decline in strength and muscle mass that comes naturally with aging, and he’s figured out the amount he has to do now as a late 40’s active adult to build the endurance necessary to get there.  Interesting…  As someone who casually states that I’ll live to be 100 as a target number (knowing fate may intervene), wouldn’t it be good for me to get there healthy in mind and body?  What’s the point of living to 100 if you don’t really live when you get there?

      Nothing keeps the mind sharp like daily work, and I’m pushing myself with more diverse reading, travel, writing more, playing chess, picking back up on French and learning other new skills. Writing daily established the habit, and refined the skill. Reading opens my mind to new ideas from the greatest minds in history. Travel offers new perspective on living. And the rest just keeps the mind challenged in different ways. If nothing else I have more to talk about at parties.

      So I’m exercising the mind, modifying the diet, drinking more water, getting more sleep and prioritizing daily exercise. Will it get me to 100 healthy and sharp? Only time will tell, but it’s a better way to live anyway, and who doesn’t want to be more vibrant, engaged and active now, the only time guaranteed to us?

      Slàinte Mhath!

    • Getting There

      “What got you here won’t get you there.” – Marshall Goldsmith

      Indeed.  But knowing where there is is an essential part of making the shift in the what.  December is a great time to think about then and there stuff, but really every morning you should reflect a bit on where you’ve been and where you’re going.  What went well, what went badly, what can change, what must change…  and how do we begin right now, today?

      Personally, I function better with Bullet Journal type lists.  Check things off, move things forward that you didn’t do, etc.  Lists of tasks are easy.  Lists of life goals are a little harder.  The Warren Buffett/Mike Flint 25/5 exercise is harder still, but time marches on and if you don’t reflect on where you’re going you’re going to end up somewhere else with the things you wanted to do undone.  I did this 25/5 exercise a year ago, and I’m going to do it again this week.  Essentially, you write down 25 things you want to accomplish – start a business, write a book, run a marathon…. whatever.  You then circle the 5 most important goals and avoid the other 20 at all costs until you’ve accomplished the circled 5.  It forces you to focus on what your real priorities are, and what the real distractions are to getting there.  It’s challenging because we all want to be good at everything, but in being generalists we fail to achieve our biggest goals.  Hell yes or no.  Essentialism…  The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People story of putting the big rocks in the jar before filling the rest with pebbles, then sand and then water…  Whatever you want to call it it’s the act of saying no to many things to enable you to achieve the few big things.  And the few big things are the “there“.

       

       

    • Merely Tenacity

      This morning I’m a bit foggy.  Up early and moving, but not clear on what I wanted to write about.  So I picked up pieces of my past, shook off the dust and mined for gold.  To be more specific, I collect quotes that stir me at the time, write down random thoughts that pull it together.  What I see immediately when I look back is that I haven’t changed much, I just press on trying to climb the mountain.  Some years are better than others, but in general I’ve climbed higher than I’ve fallen.  So with that in mind, here are six quotes plucked from the collection that pushed and prodded me along the way.  A good reminder to keep moving, for there’s so much still to do.

      “The most difficult thing is the decision, to act, the rest is merely tenacity.” – Amelia Earhart

      “There is no passion to be found in playing small – in settling for a life that is less than the one that you are capable of living.” – Nelson Mandela

      “The best way out is through.” – Robert Frost

      “Knowing is not enough; we must apply.  Willing is not enough; we must do.” – Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

      “You will never change your life until you change something you do daily.” – John Maxwell

      “Talent is cheaper than table salt.  What separates the talented individual from the successful one is a lot of hard work.” – Stephen King

      I have Mandela and Earhart whispering in my ear, conspiring to get me back on track.  Such is the power of words lumped together in just the right way.  No, not really; It’s the stories of the lives behind the words that remind you of what’s possible… if you’ll only listen and act.

    • Spending Time

      Saturday I left the house mid-morning to catch our son’s college basketball game with a quick dinner afterwards, dropped the in-laws off and got home eight hours after I left. We casually spend time like this without a thought, for it’s the essence of life. Time spent on a worthwhile investment. At least to me.

      I once worked for a man who blocked time as A, B or C time. “A” time was normal business hours, say 8 to 5 PM, when you’d hustle like everyone else. “B” time was before 8 AM and after 5 PM, when you’d catch opportunities at the edges. “C” time, to him, was where you would become “successful”. It was the weekends and late weeknight time that normal, balanced people spent time with their families, or exercising, going to church or engaging in meaningful, non-work activity. For him “C” time was when you leapt past your competition and did the extra work needed to win. He fired me when I chose to go on a family vacation instead of working. He was summarily dismissed several months later when the rest of the world realized they despised him. I feel a little sorry for him.

      Which of us was wrong in how we choose to spend our time? It depends on what you prioritize in your own life. I don’t prioritize my career over my family, but do the best I can with the time I spend in it. I’ve had a decent career despite my egregious use of B and C time. Go figure. I rarely think about the guy I worked for anymore, but he taught me an important lesson at a crossroads in my career ten years ago: Life is too short to work for assholes.

      Last night as I was evaluating my time spent during the day, I thought to myself that half the weekend was gone and what had I really accomplished? My answer; I’d spent my time well, in the company of people I wanted to be with. A worthwhile investment of precious time. Will my choice enable me to squash my competition? Get promoted? Make more money? Ultimately I’m richer for having spent the time of other pursuits. I’ve learned not to focus on what other people do with their time, even when I don’t understand it. Sometimes this actually works.

      As we approach Thanksgiving in the United States, it once again presents an opportunity to spend precious time. Four-day weekends in this country are rare indeed. So with this much time, how to spend it? Use the time for a trip to a faraway place? Use it for chasing sales at stores desperate to separate you from your money? Binge watch a Netflix series? Sequester yourself away from others in your happy place? Or maybe spend that time with people you don’t see enough? I know what I’ve chosen, and anticipate a wonderful time.

    • Self-Steering and Control

      I’ve been trying to get an answer from a customer for a week. Business marches on, but he’s been impossible to connect with. And I’ve grown frustrated by his lack of responsiveness. And then I realized it’s hunting season and he’s almost certainly out in the woods somewhere and completely disconnected from the world. My frustration melted away to acceptance of the reality of the situation. There’s some things you simply can’t control in this world. The time to communicate was before hunting season.

      “What you are aware of you are in control of; what you are not aware of is in control of you.” – Anthony De Bello

      I drove back from the train station and had two choices as I pulled out of the garage; turn one way and go around the city, or turn the other way and go through the city. I opted to go around the city. In normal circumstances the drive would be equidistant, but the city offers more opportunities for delays, even at 10 PM. It turns out I chose the wrong way and sat in standstill traffic as four lanes shrunk down to two. If I’d turned on Waze prior to leaving the station I’d have been aware of the state of the roads and might have chosen the city route. The tools were there to inform, and I chose to proceed unaware anyway. It was on me, so instead of getting angry about it I turned up the music and waited it out with everyone else.

      I had dinner in Manhattan with a man who’s grandparents had been at Auschwitz and survived. I’ve been thinking about the fate of the Polish Jews since visiting a museum in London. They were caught in the trap of history, with limited control over their situation once the Germans and Russians made their first moves. There are forces bigger than us that control our lives, and no matter how good a person you are, how much you eat the right foods or how big your nest egg is you get swept aside by these forces like an anthill being kicked in the playground. That’s fate, and largely out of our control.

      My good friends on Fayaway have left their safe harbor in Bermuda bound for Antigua. Unlike my trip home from the train station they’ve diligently tracked weather variables, added a redundant self-steering system and re-stocked critical supplies for the long journey. They’re aware of the risks on the open ocean and have prepared accordingly. Larger forces may sweep you up in unforeseen circumstances anyway, but you control what you can and mitigate risk.

      De Mello’s quote was directed at our own self-awareness of how we react to things, who we instinctively like or don’t like and how that plays on how we interact with them, and how we might change that interaction with better awareness. It’s no secret the world has become more antagonistic and divided. But there are plenty of examples of people doing the right thing, treating others with kindness and respect, self-aware and in control of their emotions. Being in control requires a level of diligence in our self-awareness akin to preparing for a long voyage in a small boat on a big ocean. Larger forces will do what they will, but we can mitigate their impact on our lives. It’s the self-steering that ultimately means more in most circumstances.

    • We’re All Wealthy Today

      James Clear has become my favorite resource, from his book Atomic Habits to his weekly newsletter to his Twitter account. Today he posted this gem, which I share if only to always remind myself of this. We all enjoy immense wealth today. Make the most of it:

      “You are richer than 93% of people.

      Not in money, but in time.

      108 billion people have lived throughout history. 93% of them are dead.

      You have what every king and queen, every pharaoh and ruler, every CEO and celebrity of the past would give all their wealth for:

      Today.”

      Amen.

    • The Fruitful Kernels of Time

      “The truly efficient laborer will not crowd his day with work, but will saunter to his task surrounded by a wide halo of ease and leisure, and then do but what he loved best.  He is anxious only about the fruitful kernels of time…  Some hours seem not to be occasion for any deed, but for resolves to draw breath in.  We do not directly go about the execution of the purpose that thrills us, but shut our doors behind us and ramble with prepared mind, as if the half were already done.  Our resolution is taking root or hold on the earth then, as seeds first send a shoot downward which is fed by their own albumen, ere they send one upward to the light.”  – Henry David Thoreau, A Week on the Concord and Merrimack Rivers

      Sometimes I’ll pick up any old Thoreau book and flip to a random page to see what he has to offer.  Thoreau offers a lot. Often he’ll casually flip a healthy dose of wisdom across time, and I’m the better for having found it. I’m in a post-vacation/pre-holidays work funk where I haven’t quite found my stride again (Some hours seem not to be occasion for any deed), and Thoreau’s analogy of the seed setting its root resonates for me. I don’t seem to have this funk with writing, but with my career it’s been a struggle. These are not days to work from home. To find your stride again you need to move, and I’ve booked meetings in faraway places to do just that.

      Writing seems immune to the funk, but the reality is that the fuel for writing is the distraction in my career. Solitude, travel, reading and long walks inspire writing but not sales. Business meetings, commuting, grinding out proposals and crafting concise emails suck the life out of writing but fill the sales pipeline and ultimately keep the lights on. Knowing this, I work to balance the two appropriately. My job isn’t going to offer immortality but it feeds the family. Allocate time accordingly, and write in the quiet corners of the day.

      “Perfect freedom is reserved for the man who lives by his own work and in that work does what he wants to do.” – R.G. Collingwood

      The reality is that most of us aren’t living in perfect freedom. We live in chains of our own creation. Does that have a negative connotation? Only if you view it that way. For me I happen to enjoy feeding the family, and the grind of the job offers its own rewards too. The writing is transformative, and I regret the years of neglect, but shake myself free of that trap when I recognize it. We’ve only today, and so I produce what I can in this moment, bit-by-bit, like the seed taking root before reaching to the light. Will it yield fruit eventually? Every seed believes so.

    • Writing with Purpose

      “I believe that God made me for a purpose. For China. But He also made me fast. And when I run, I feel His pleasure. To give it up would be to hold Him in contempt… To win is to honor Him.” – Eric Liddell, Chariots of Fire

      I re-watched Chariots of Fire tonight with the perspective of having recently been in Edinburgh and London, and in immersing myself in the horror of World Wars I & II in reading, visits to museums and the epic long-form Hardcore History podcast on the First World War. It’s an entirely different movie when you watch it through the lens of history and the accumulation of life experience. But then again, the same can be said of life. Too many people ignore the lessons of history, and we all suffer as a result.

      Eric Liddell died in a Japanese internment camp in 1945. He’d dedicated (and sacrificed) his life to his missionary work in China. But he’ll always be remembered as an Olympian who chose not to run in a qualifying heat on the Sabbath, who would go on to win the 400 meter sprint and solidify his place in history. You can make a strong case that his Olympic medal was secondary to the rest of his life’s work.

      I have no idea if Liddell ever uttered the quote above. But I do know it fits what I know of the man, and I can imagine him saying it. I’m not particularly religious, but the quote resonates for me. We are created by some miracle of God or infinitesimally random luck, completely unique from the 100 billion other people who have ever lived. I’m no Olympic runner, but I have some talents that I work to bring out. Writing seems to be one… if a work in progress. To give it up would be to hold Him (and myself) in contempt… So why not embrace whatever magic makes you who you are?

    • 2020 Vision

      “No man ever steps in the same river twice, for it’s not the same river and he’s not the same man.” – Heraclitus

      There are just 44 days left in 2019, and with that realization, I’m looking ahead at 2020.  What will the new year bring?  Major political change?  A swing away from nationalistic tendencies towards a global, we’re all in this together outlook?  An acceleration in the economy or a recession? Environment progress or rapid climate change after years of neglect?  A return of common sense and dignified communication or an increase in bitter, antagonistic rhetoric?  I don’t see the future, but I’ll hope for improvement in 2020.  Either way, I do know that change comes whether you want it or not, and it’s best to be as prepared as you can be for when it does.

      So with that in mind, and a look towards the New Year, what’s the mission?  Outside of a vote I can’t control larger political forces at play in the world that may lead to conflict, but I can control my general fitness and health through exercise and better nutrition.  I can’t control whether we go through a global recession in 2020, but I can control how much money I spend and to a certain extent how much I earn.  I can’t control the clickbait, extreme views that pull society apart, but I can choose what media to consume.   If stoicism teaches you anything, it’s to focus on improving yourself, and don’t try to control what the rest of the world is doing.  Step in when you can make a difference, offer support and encouragement, but don’t try to change people.  That’s on them.

      Reading, exercise, writing and travel have done more to improve my state of mind than anything else.  Doing more of each makes a lot of sense, and will help build a stronger foundation as I turn the calendar into 2020.  Looking at the future and assuming you’re in it is a fools game, but not preparing for the future is too.  So building habits that offer value today and long-term benefits tomorrow makes sense.  It’s a win-win when you pick the right habits. Change happens, and building resilience through positive habits helps us survive and maybe even thrive when it does.  So that’s my focus as we march towards 2020, tweaking the good habits and phasing out the bad whenever possible.  Acknowledging my small role in the universe, I’m hoping that occurs on both a micro and macro level.

      Today’s post was directly influenced by The Daily Stoic, providing both the Heraclitus quote and the reminder that we can only change ourselves.