Is It Yourself You Seek?
It is yourself you seek
In a long rage,
Scanning through light and darkness
Mirrors, the page,
Where should reflected be
Those eyes and that thick hair,
That passionate look, that laughter.
You should appear
Within the book, or doubled,
Freed, in the silvered glass;
Into all other bodies
Yourself should pass.
The glass does not dissolve;
Like walls the mirrors stand;
The printed page gives back
Words by another hand.
And your infatuate eye
Meets not itself below;
Strangers lie in your arms
As I lie now.
– Louise Bogan, Man Alone
I seek myself in early morning quiet, listening for the whisper.
I seek myself on long walks in rough terrain, one step at a time with an eye on the footing and the other at the way forward.
I seek myself in the long drives to faraway places, with nothing playing but the soundtrack of the tires on pavement.
I seek myself in pictures, vainly attempting to capture the light and never quite reaching perfection but smiling at the moment anyway.
I seek myself in the dusty soil, that traps under fingernails and turns into beauty with water and time we hope we have.
I seek myself in deep plunges into water, thoughts rising with the bubbles as we break the surface, clearer than before.
I seek myself in lyrics captured from songs in the air, hearing words for the first time and desperately grabbing at Shazam to find the source before it disappears forever.
I seek myself in habits made and promises to myself broken, with hopes of trying again tomorrow.
I seek myself in reaching out in service to others, to rejoice in the moment of connection ever fleeting.
I seek myself in old battlefields and graveyards and monuments to ghosts who only wish to be remembered once more.
I seek myself in freshly chopped vegetables, sautéing in snaps and pops that betray my anticipation.
I seek myself in the words that dance on the page, my own or those of strangers in my arms.
I seek myself in skimming across water, skipping like a stone on the pull of an oar or the puff of the wind and wanting only to fly a little bit longer.
Tell me, where do you seek yourself?